Enclosed rhyme Puns

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There are three things you must watch out for when hunting an autothith. The first is that, as they fight, they give off something like an aura that makes everyone around them crave violence.

That meant, as I was being flung around literally by the seat of the autothith’s pants, I was riding a high like I’d never felt before. Blood was pounding in my ears. My mouth was pulled into a sardonic grin. My injuries were a distant memory. As the demon bucked and thrashed to try throw me off, I couldn’t feel my arm’s muscles ripping or the tendons in my shoulder tearing a little bit more with each heave, gripped as I was onto the autothith’s belt in my desperate gambit.

The second is that they grow stronger and faster as a battle raged on. However, this early in the fight, it was nothing but a disadvantage. So even though it was spinning me around like a dog with a chew toy, I was desperate to slash it.

The third is that they all show their biggest weakness like a brand of honour. Always on their back. Their sigil. And every demon has one.

It could be said that a demon is their sigil. Demons aren’t exactly alive, hence why we never use words like “life” or “death” to describe them. Demon literalness dictates they ought not to be described in a manner that is incorrect, hence we say they are “bound” rather than “alive”, and “erased” rather than “dead”. That sigil is their entirety, and their bodies are nothing but vessels to fulfill its will.

Autothiths bare that sigil to taunt their enemies. As if to say, “Here’s how you can erase me. Come try, if you dare.” Meaning if you get behind them, there’s a good chance you could take them down in one hit. That’s easier said than done, of course; and yet luck had it that I was already part way there.

As I flew back around, I slashed wildly at the autothith’s back. Missed. I swung back round to its club hand. The autothith grabbed the club with both hands and stabbed behind it with the handle, aiming for my side. Desperately, I held up the knife to block it. This time I couldn’t stop the blow, but the clash managed to slow it significantly. The club clocked me in the ribs and I let out a heavy whee

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

This is my second draft of my poem, "The Empty-Minded Maniac"

The Empty-Minded Maniac’s Poem

Darkened ink – inverted paper;
    Refusal to see what I write.
Shortened ladder – taller tower;
    Inability to reach the peak’s height.

Crumpled paper – invisible ink;
    A poem that refuses to be read.
Scared ghosts – hidden hopes;
    Cowering from sight like I’m dead.

Language barrier – gibberish poetry;
    Interpretations left unheard like misinterpreted metaphors.
Empty church – enclosed room;
    A grayscale glass mosaic showing hopeful followers.

Inflamed diary – expensive therapy;
    Not knowing how I feel like a silent panic attack.
Broken soles – burning embers;
    Walking a mile solo as the empty-minded maniac.

Questions:

does hidden in "hidden hope" feel like i'm forcing alliteration? or does it work with the irony in a scared ghost hiding from sight?

does the repetition of "inverted paper" + "crumpled paper" and "darkened ink" + "invisible ink" work within the extended metaphor? or is the repetition of paper and ink too much?

does "refusal" in the first stanza conflict too much with "refuses" in the second? or does that heighten the image you have in your head?

does read/dead fell like a forced rhyme? or does the context of a "scared ghost" justify the line and the simile of "cowering from sight like I'm dead"

does "interpretations" and "misinterpreted" conflict too much with what each of the words are trying to accomplish in that line?

does the irony between "empty chuch" and "hopeful followers" heighten the metaphor more than it leaves you confused?

what image do you get in your mind when you read "inflamed diary"? does the line "burning embers" bring out that image further? (inflamed diary was one of the adjective-noun pair i was worried about)

is the word "silent" in "silent panic attack" necessary to explain the simile or will the simile still make as much sense if i wrote "not knowing how I feel like a panic attack"?

what are your thoughts of having this "showing" then "telling" format i wrote in? (i think it's formatted like "showing line / telling line / showing line / telling line". correct me if im wrong)

i'm personally not sure what the rhyme scheme even is of this. i'm not sure if it's ABAB or ABCB (my intention was ABCB, but it may be a mix of

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Want to have a curse that doesn't kill, doesn't need to affect stats, and doesn't change someone's personality? Why not turn them into a frog(with no stat block change) that can still cast spells? Or maybe remove their ability to read?

1. Transform into a frog
2. Become illiterate
3. Become 5+d8 years old
4. Transform into a fairy
5. Transform into a doll/mannequin/puppet
6. Legs turn into a mermaid tail and gain the ability to breathe underwater
7. Transform into a living suit of armor
8. Shrink one size category
9. Grow one size category
10. Transform into a horse
11. Head becomes that of a random animal
12. Grow antlers
13. Transform into a living gargoyle
14. Transform into a flying sword
15. Lose voice
16. Transform into ogre
17. Transform into goblin
18. Grow a tail, or change an existing tail into a different type of tail.
19. Transform into a gold statue, but can still move like normal
20. Legs and lower body become that of a horse. Tabaxi centaur, anyone?
21. Become a skeleton
22. Head detaches from body and has to be carried around a la headless horseman
23. Shrink to 6 inches tall
24. Change race according to reincarnation table
25. Wear a jester's outfit at all times. Anything you change into or put overtop will still be a jester's outfit
26. Transform into a mushroom person
27. Skin becomes bark
28. Become unable to speak more than 2 syllable words
29. Transform into a cat
30. Become transparent, like glass
31. Lose the ability to write. Anything written ends up just being scribbles
32. Transform into a dryad
33. Transform into a living shadow
34. Your legs, head, or fingers become backwards /u/Slight_Tea or your knees or elbows become backwards /u/jakemp1 Seemed similar enough to combine them
35. You can't remember anyone's name /u/Slight_Tea
36. You can only move when nobody is looking at you /u/Slight_Tea
37. Your teeth become soft and flaccid /u/Slight_Tea
38. Birds want to make a home in your hair /u/Slight_Tea
39. Your eyes are now in the back of your head /u/jakemp1
40. Your legs gain an additional joint, causing you to walk unnaturally
41. Your nose becomes a slit and your tongue is now forked. You can "smell" by flicking out your tongue like a snake u/jakemp1
42. You become infertile/lose genitals completely (good for overly horny characters) u/jakemp1
43. Your hair/skin/eyes change colors based on mood/emotion u/jakemp1
44. Your hair and eye color switch u/starsailor11
45. Your blood is black. This causes no side effects u/stars

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

BamBOO!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

From weed grams, police vans and popped shots,

to the vast expanse of this cosmos.

My pen encapsulates El-Kulum which is all:

from the symmetry of divinity, we fall.

Our minds were designed like hieroglyphic walls:

inquisitive,

intuitive,

separate truth from myth.

Losing grip.

Transcend the blinding white light of chaos,

here, hold these jewels designed for us to stay lost.

metaphors metamorph

into soundwaves

and waveforms,

harnessing the force of tropical rainstorms,

reach for these frequencies,

I pray you see.

I dream of teaching wayward children enslaved by these heinous streets

about our true histories

which have been stolen and replaced with pseudo pious imagery:

So called masterpieces from the master sketchers.

This is no empty lecture,

In tune like a biochemical melody

Breathtaking, a pure light being manifesting ahead of me

Awakening my senses of telepathy, telekinesis, clairvoyance and psychometry

We exist sub atomically

Spanning beyond the limits of this spiritless democracy

European monopolies built on the atrocities of medieval monarchies

Now they've taken control of oil depositories and gold mines

Earth's been globalised

So follow me and open your eyes

as I switch densities

From Igigi to Annunaki

Let's outlaw the beast like The Code of Hammurabi.

Revert to men of renown, let's transform

from Zeal's, sparks, quarks into hydrogen

Thoughts spiralling

From the mental reservoir of intellect

Thoughts interconnect then intersect,

dissecting every direction: straight back into flesh

paint words with techni-coloured paintbrushes

Everything ink touches

Captures the brilliance of star clusters

Riding skylines of Indian summers

Until draped in deaths covers

A Pharaoh's hair grows in the figure of nine:-The highest of numbers.

Thought provoking, absorb the moment

the stillness of a midwinter night

Magnificent wheels of light:-

A cyclical fight for life.

Meridians, ley-lines, see through the parallax.

Imagine: golden sands of utopian lands

come closer, It's flowing through my hands

Activate the pineal gland and hypothalamus

Storing electromagnetic energy like microphone capacitors

As we break through holographic parameters

Parables imperfection, astral projection,

Everything you see and hear you should question

As we traverse the nine plains of existence

Skipping between dimensions

With no interceptions or interventions

Our inner inventions defy all perceptional convention

Annointed lyri

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭