Here’s a joke

for all you mind readers out there:

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Why does Kim Jong-Un like books?

Because he is the supreme reader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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Why does Kim Jong Un have so many books?

Because he's the Supreme Reader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/th3doorMATT
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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Kim Jong Un not dead

He just spend last few weeks in library...because he Supreme Reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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[META] r/puns rule 6 changes

tl;dr explain every single pun you make or else it gets removed.


For the sake of cleaning up a lot of my mod queue, whenever you make a post, explain it. There's been more and more rule 6 reports as of late, so this should help clear up a lot of that. This rule change is to lessen confusion and simultaneously help us clear out the reposters who are too lazy to even read the sidebar before posting. formerly rule 6 was:

Post must be a pun and must be explained in the comments. If your post or image isn't self-explanatory, you must comment on it with enough information for readers to get the joke.

We are now changing it to:

Post must be a pun and must be explained. No exceptions! You must explain your pun somewhere in the text or in the comment section.

###IF YOU DO NOT EXPLAIN YOUR PUN, IT WILL BE REMOVED!

carry on

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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I like interpretive dance.

But I'm no mime reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldaddy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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What do you call a deaf gynaecologist?

A lip reader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Angry_Daniel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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My friend is a know it all who likes to be right always. So he has dollar bills embedded in his shoes.

He has to be on the money.

A better joke may be doable. It's left as an exercise for the reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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I'm thinking about starting a publication for bookworms who enjoy jokes about food coloring

I'll call it Readers Dye Jest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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My wife gave me the perfect set-up on early AM flight.

We were both pretty tired since we woke up at 3AM. When we get to our seats, I pulled out my e-reader. My wife looks at me and says "How can you read?"

"Well, I guess I would have to thank my parents for teaching me when I was a kid..."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/declanrowan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2015
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Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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The optimist sees the donut whole; the pessimist sees the donut hole.

I tried to get this to a sexual joke, but I will leave it as an exercise for the reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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What do you call a North Korean dictator who loves books?

Dear Reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robot_cousin
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
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Got dad joked hard while shopping yesterday

My dad and I go up to the cash register at a clothing store to pay for some shorts. My dad asks the cashier "Do you take chips?" (Credit card chip readers) Without hesitation the cashier goes "Yes sir and we have salsa to go with that" and holds up a fresh jar of salsa from behind the register

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkgator23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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Prison Break

BREAKING NEWS: A midget mind reader recently broke out of jail! Be on the the look out for a small medium at large!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxxTexicanxxX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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The Pundits - Part 1

A quaint little men's class,

a few with class,

some smelling of a gin glass,

some with eyes of a lass,

the remainder eyeing a lad,

but all glad,

and all present,

youngster of the present,

bearders of the crescent,

readers new testaments,

preachers of old testaments,

bearers of saffron tenets,

wearers of white tints,

weird lovers of croissant,

well, all here, will all hear?

we never know,

lets look at the show

 

The English teacher, said,

"how to drink a juice?"

i know, said bart the bartender,

"with vodka and chicken tender"

the weirded beardo now angry,

showed he was a shouter,

wanted to be a bart-ender,

while shushing the crowd,

use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,

"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,

"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,

"no sir" said the voice,

I'm extra maker,

spoke the voice quicker,

Mr.White scratching head,

"I'm an ex-straw maker",

the air cleared.

 

Proceeding further, Teacher continued,

the class was listening, eyes glued,

"etiquette is important" he said,

"wear napkin before eating",

their faces changed,

pulse now beating,

Mr.White said, "sir, we don't bleed",

an irritated saffron Sundar spoke,

"if you bleed, education you don't need"

the English sir, now a sundered bloke,

calmed the masked fish market,

as his God's fate chisel hammered,

"Do you know how to fork?" he stammered,

a brief silence, and too many whispers later

"I Pen is use sir", said a bright face,

"Do you know how to use a fork?" he corrected,

with damage now done, Silence resumed.

 

>ThePundits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themadraspaiyan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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I have a pair of non-prescription glasses made of diamond; and I know what you're thinking

They're mined readers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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A rhinoceros wakes to find itself in a room with no doors or windows.

All four walls of the room are made of hollow cinder block, but three of the four walls are reinforced with rebar and cement filling rendering them unbreakable.

Utterly confused, the rhinoceros studies the room for a moment and then tries ramming into the first wall to get itself free, but is stunned to find that it won't budge because it is reinforced and completely solid.

The rhinoceros shakes it off and tries ramming the second wall to knock it down, but only managed to break off a few small crumbs because it, too, is reinforced.

In a total daze, the rhinoceros tries ramming the third wall, but then falls over unconscious from trying to ram yet another reinforced wall.

After a few minutes, the rhinoceros regains consciousness and slowly pulls to its feet. Both exhausted and completely unable to withstand ramming another reinforced wall, the poor rhinoceros sinks its head in failure and has all but given up hope.

...but then, with a sudden stroke of genius, the rhinoceros stands on it's hind legs, clears its throat, and asks you, the reader,

"Should I try breaking the fourth wall?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shigglesmcwhigley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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Nobody goes to the library anymore unless it's after lunch

and that's only to see the readers digest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chemispe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
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Hear about the psychic who uses coconut trees to predict the future?

He’s a palm reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
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True Story about Half a Toilet

We are remodeling my grandmother's house. This includes a new toilet. My dad entered my room today giggling. He replied, still giggling, that my mother was in a rage. After some prodding for explanation, he finally told me that, and I quote, "they only gave her half a toilet."

Now, I'm thinking the tank was in one box and the bottom half was in another, and they only gave her one box. In any case, when worded this way, it IS kind of funny. So, I giggle too. But dad didn't stop there. We laugh for a bit, and then he grins even wider and says:

"I got to thinking, you know, we have a lot of half-ass people around here..."

And that, readers, is how a fairly routine mishap went from "mildly funny" to "too groanworthy to be anything but hilarious".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BayouRoux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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If you're reading this joke

Hi reader, I'm dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CurrentlySingle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
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At work the other day

We were talking about psychics and card readers. One of my coworkers was wondering about the costs. I said they probably cost a fortune.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiphophead92
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
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I think i'd make a great dad someday.

So i was picking up my strep throat perscription with my dad. He was taking a look at readers glasses. So he asks me "hey, how do i look?" To which i replied "With your eyes" and he was all "No i mean with the glasses." Which i replied. "Glasses or not. You still look with your eyes." He groaned and called me a Jive. It was a win.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zemtor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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My dad, /every/ time he gets one of those wireless card readers to pay for bills at restaurants:

takes reader from waitress and holds to ear

"Hello?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/telswood
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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My buddy just got me.

Saw an edition of reader's digest.

Me: Hm. How you can outsmart diabetes.

Buddy: ... it's learning!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rentedcargo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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Checking out at the register

I was ringing out a son and father at the register. I tell him his total is "seven forty seven" and the father replies "I didn't buy a plane!" and looks at his son to get a quick laugh, but his son wasn't having any of it. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold my laughter because i know this is a typical dad joke. But that's not the best part.

He swipes his credit card and reads the credit card reader out loud, "Sign Below". He ends up writing "BELOW" as his signature and says out loud to me and his son "It told me to sign 'Below' and so I did". His son responds with "Dad you are so embarrassing" and I'm chuckling out loud cuz I've never seen anyone do that the 3 years I've worked there lol

TL;DR Dad writes "Below" as his signature because he took it literally as any days would.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepholes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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Dad joke at Sonic

Ordered two frozen drinks at Sonic, go to swipe my card and the card-reader is out of order. Girlfriend asks if I have any cash, so I open the ash compartment in my car and pull out a 5 dollar bill.

"I didn't even know you kept money in there!"

"Well you aren't supposed to know about it, just like any good slush fund."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chillbroswaggins
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2014
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How my dad pays for groceries... every time

Credit card reader says Please Swipe Card

My dad, "Why would I swipe it, I already own my card"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pattastic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2014
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Grandad strikes back

I was searching round the highstreet looking everywhere to try and buy a Nook E-Reader. Looked for ages.

After an hour, we give up. My grandad says "Well I guess we searched every Nook and cranny!" with a huge smile on his face.

Uuurghhhg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrRagingMammoth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2013
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Proofreading essays

About a week before this, I had my dad and stepmom proofread an essay of mine.

Me: "So I got a C+ on that paper from last week. Apparently my formatting was weird and I didn't make it 'digestible' enough for the readers."

Dad: "Oh wow, I suppose that's my fault. I didn't know we were supposed to eat it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callMeDirtyDan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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My dad has always been good at what he does.

I saw this picture on the front page and had I had to send it to my dad. This is his e-mail response.

"Hey, Konceptz

Holiday greetings vary. Summer funny. Others try to spring a trap on the reader. Of course, that works best on people who will fall for anything. My Mom always told me that when I winter the mailbox to be careful for booby traps.

See son, I'm trying to look out for you. Hope you have a great Christmas!"

Quite dadstardly of him...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konceptz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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Here's a joke

for all the mind readers out there.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Why is Kim Jong-un's library so big ?

Because he is supreme reader

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Why does Kim Jong-Un like books?

Because he is the supreme reader

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrImthatdude
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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Did you know Kim Jong Un loves books?

He's the supreme reader

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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