A family is flying to Japan on vacation. The son ask "dad, are we there yet" the dad replies "not yet son"

A few hours later the plane lands in japan. The dad looks at his son and says "okinawa here"

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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A man was seen doing something curious on a flight to Europe

Before boarding the plane, he threw some salt off the flight bridge

After they landed, he tossed some paprika

On the next leg, some nutmeg and a pinch of cumin.

The flight crew saw the combination, there was only one conclusion they could make...

He was a seasoned traveler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Comedy Routine

So, I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner the other day. It was just gathering dust!

What kind of bagel can fly? A plane one!

I went to a graveyard the other day, it was really crowded. I figure people are dying to get in.

Didja hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the no-bell prize!

What do you call a pointless pachyderm? An Irrelepahnt!

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!

Ever hear about the restaurant on the moon? No atmosphere at all.

And to end it all: "I bet if I gave you some thyme you could mustard a response to this complete a-salt on language, but for now we're just beefing around!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WyvernLord123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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It's the pilot's fault.

See a story about a pilot didn't remember his correct destination. Look at my 19 year old son and say "He just plane forgot!"
His eyes rolled like that boulder in Indiana Jones

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmac0585
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

Push him out of the plane at 30,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Tired of the cold, Superman traded the Fortress of Solitude for a house in Italy...

He invited Lois Lane to visit. Her plane was late, and she called the house to ask directions. He answered and told her:

"Take the last train to Clark's villa, and I'll meet you at the station."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPossible
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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First experience with flying.

The first time my daughter was on a plane, she looked out and saw the ground crew, and asked what they did. I proudly said that they are the "monbacks". When the plane pushes back from the gate they holler to the pilot "MON BACK....MON BACK".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xoltharjoemama
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Told this tasteless dad joke to my daughter yesterday.

Helping my daughter with her remote-learning geometry schoolwork.

"Ok dad, imagine you are in a room with a ceiling and four walls. How many planes intersect the floor?"

"Well if that room was is in the Twin Towers, two."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CiDirkona
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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There are 503 bricks....

There are 503 bricks on a plane, and one falls off, how many bricks remain?

502

This is a change joke and I made an animation about it. https://youtu.be/9Eaj94Z1rNc

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πŸ‘€︎ u/markom3d
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I was waiting for my wife at the airport, when I saw that she was ringing me.

I picked it up and she said sorrowfully, "I didn't make the plane."

"That's fine, honey," I replied. "You know nothing about construction."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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My Vietnamese driver told me several riddles yesterday, do you know what they were?

First off a six-parter

  1. If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
  2. How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
  3. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
  4. All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
  5. A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
  6. As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.

No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?

A: he was wearing a naval uniform.

Anyone know similar nonsense?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patyboomba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Bought a broken plane

I came scross a guy selling a plane for cheap. The catch is that it had a bad engine. Well I'm no pilot, yet I am a decent cook. So I gutted the inside and converted into a diner. Im really excited, yet I fear it will never take off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TopGoodman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Geometry

I really don't understand geomety, plane and simple! It feels like I just keep going in circles so I don't get the point! Even if for some people it shapes their life, this is where I draw the line!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roxan1930
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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Stranger at the airport dadjoked my dadjoke.

i was getting off an airplane, and i passed a little boy who was saying "bye, plane!". i, remembering a dadjoke i saw here, said "no, this isn't a biplane" The kid's dad immediately gave me a condescending look and said "you can't tell it's sexual preference based just on how it looks."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpresken2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2014
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Maybe the Best Dad Jokester Ever. R.I.P. John Witherspoon

On Oct. 29, 2019, the world lost a legend. Esteemed actor and comedian, John "Pops" Witherspoon, passed away at the age of 77. After making his acting debut on The Richard Pryor Show in 1977, Witherspoon starred in cultural classics like Good Times, House Party, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Bebe's Kids, Boomerang, Soul Plane, I Got the Hook-Up, The Wayans Bros, all three of the revered Friday movies and many more. https://4ormypeople.com/mood/2019/10/30/rip-john-pops-witherspoon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yadadameannn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Two dimensions really are

Plane and simple

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pasta-hobo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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If you're in a plane above LA...

What happens if you are in a plane above Los Angeles, and when you look out the window there are no clouds beneath you?U C L A

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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My wife plays violin. I used to play trumpet. Last night we talked aviation.

My wife plays violin and her first rehearsal with a new orchestra is near. She had access to an electronic copy of the music, but wondered whether the orchestra would distribute paper copies at the rehearsal. For orchestras, the section leaders decide when everyone's bows will be moving up vs. down and annotate the music accordingly. Copies of the annotated music are distributed to the players. As a trumpet player who's never needed that kind of annotation, I've always been able to use the originals.

Wife: "String players never play from the originals because we have bowings."

Me: "And wind players have Airbuses!"

Wife: "That joke was just plane awful."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfofurn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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There was once a priest who went to see the world after taking his oath....

After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.

Many years passed by like that.

At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.

With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was a good man, and even though he thought the request was a bit strange, he went back to the rectory, took out a lemon, cut it in half, took it back to the man and gave it to him, who looked back to the priest with gratitude. However, the priest was curious. He asked:

  • Son, why do you need this half of a lemon? - with a fright on his face, and before the priest could have said a thing, he rushed out of the churchyard gate and took off.

A week later, around the same time, when the priest was leaving the church, he found himself in front of the same man in the churchyard. The man said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was surprised by the appearance of the man and his strange request. Of course he was good, went back to the rectory, and brought the half lemon. Placed it in the stranger’s hand and immediately he asked:

  • Here it is, my dear son, but please tell me why do you need this half a lemon? - the man was obviously frightened and immediately ran away but the priest was not sluggish either and ran after him. He wasn’t in a very good condition, he has never run so much and so fast before so he was out of breath by the end of the village, almost fainted. He thought the strange man might appear again next week, and it would be nice if he could keep up with him, so he spent his week working on his cardio. It turned out to be a good idea, because as he thought, the stranger entered the churchyard on Sunday. The priest didn’t even wait for the request, he was good, and brought the half lemon. He received these words from the man:

  • Thank you

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doty152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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The Wright bothers built the first airplane

Their approach was plane and simple

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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Why no baby planes?

A girl is on an airplane with her mom and asks her, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, then why don't big planes have baby planes?"The mom smiles and tells her daughter to ask the stewardess. The stewardess comes over and the the little girl asks her the same question she asked her mother.The stewardess asks the girl if her mom told her to ask her and the little girl replied "Yes." Then the stewardess says "Well that's because Southwest Airlines always pull out on time!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Dad is very welcoming of aunt's new boyfriend

So we were having a big family video call last night, since we're all on different continents, and my aunt was introducing us to her new boyfriend, Bill.

> Cousin: So when is Bill gonna come visit us, so we can meet him in person? > > Aunt: Oh, I don't know, Bill doesn't really fly (he's afraid of flying) > > Dad: He doesn't have to, the plane does. > > Long distance family groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/llirving
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
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A man comes up with a great idea for a new shipping method

A young man comes up with a great idea for a new shipping method. He designs everything himself, hires people to create models, and deduces that he can use old fashioned boating technology to increase shipping speeds by up to 350%. This is obviously a great innovation, so he calls up a former Business professor from college and gets into contact with a manufacturer. The manufacturer makes the man come in and present his design to the board of directors, so they schedule a meeting in two weeks.

At the meeting, the board is blown away. The man’s charisma, design, and equations all point to a massive innovation in shipping. The company is poised to make a huge profit. Construction starts immediately.

On his flight back, the man happens to sits next to his old buddy from high school, Jimmy. Jimmy tells the man that he has just blown the farming world wide open. His new GMO potato produces five times as much energy and has been the talk of the world. Jimmy says that all the news outlets have been reporting potatoes to be the next big superfood, and his design is poised to make him millions, if not billions of dollars. Jimmy pitches the man for the entire plane ride, and convinced him. They hop on the next flight back to visit the board of directors once again. The board is shocked. Both ideas stand to make billions of dollars for the company, but there is one slight problem.

The CEO says to the man, β€œwe know you have these two ideas. However, we can only allocate enough resources to make one of them profitable. I recommend you take some time off and really decide which of these ideas you want our company to produce. We can schedule a meeting in a few weeks if that works for you.”

The man says right back to the CEO, β€œI’m going to take a walk and clear my head. This is a big decision” and walks right out of the room.

Not even five seconds later the man comes back into the room and says β€œI’ve made my decision. Let’s go with the shipping method.” This shocks the CEO, who says β€œare you sure?? This is a billion dollar decision and you only took five seconds to think about it.”

The man looks back at him and says β€œwell, in this business time is moneyβ€” so I decided to make my decision schooner rather than tater”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BearGuru
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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10 men trapped in Alaska

I remember years ago when in my remote town in Alaska there were 10 men stuck underground. I don't recall the circumstances that got them into this situation but it was clear that if they didn't get out soon they weren't going to make it.

All of our local rescue and public services were unable to get them out and they were running out of time. With only 18 hours remaining they sent for the only expert who could help, a rescue operations legend Mr. Puh. If he could get a plane into town it could make all the difference.

I remember gathering around the radio, biting our nails, as weather conditions worsened and threatened the planes journey.

I don't remember how long I stayed awake that night, but I will never forget the words I heard when I turned the radio on in the morning: "Puh not in, ten dead."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToyokiSonoda
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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My friends daughter who is 5 got me today

She said her and her family where going down to Florida when I said. "WOW that's cool what brings you down there?"

When she replied "A plane."

.... she got me good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinyeatsyu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend dadjoked me on a hike

We were right below the flight path of the major airport in the area because there was a plane that was fairly close to the ground. So I said "I wonder why they are flying so low?" to which she responds "I don't think so, they probably have more than one passenger." I stare at her... she goes "So low? Solo?" I laughed and groaned. She will make a great dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McSippy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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"Timeless" Actual Dad Joke From Actual Dad (Mine)

This is said every time my entire family gets on a plane -- admittedly infrequently -- and we're taxiing on the runway:

(Dad, gazing out the window of the plane with a look of wonder affixed to his face)

"Look at all those people down there. They look like ants."

(pause)

"Wait, they ARE ants."

(family groans, as we have for 25 years or more).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_cornbread_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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It's just plane wrong...

I'm a nervous flyer, and just curious, as to why in the heck the building we catch the plane from is called a terminal...πŸ€”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedurtyjoo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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So this is a pretty long joke...

So there were these two high schoolers, both madly in love. they were like the most well known couple around the school. so a couple months go by after they've began dating and they both see a flier in the hallway. it talks about the up coming school dance which is taking place next week. so naturally, the guy asks the girl to come with him. she says yes and the planing begins. he gets home that night and surfs the entire web for a relatively cheap limo company with still have decent amenities. after ordering that, he heads off to the local tailor and gets a suit made for in his girlfriends favourite colour, blue. then the week passes and he preparing to go and pick her up, so he picks up the flowers he bought her earlier that day and heads out to the now parked limo. he gets in and orders the driver to her house. he gets there and gives her the flowers. they go out for dinner at a very fancy place, him paying for everything. they both finally get to the school hall and head in to see all their friends. they have a wonderful night, dancing, having photos taken, they both really just enjoyed themselves. they even got elected prom king and queen! so the night is coming to an end and they both decide to sit down and have a rest. the girls feeling a bit thirsty so the guy heads over to the refreshments table to get her a drink. it's pretty quite there as in this joke, there isnt a punchline. ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyTyrant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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On zombie cravings...

My kids and i had some fun with these on a car trip this past weekend...

What do zombie plumbers crave? Draaaaains!!!

What do zombie pilots crave? Planes... Plaaaanes!

What do zombie conductors crave? Traaaains!

What do zombie opthalmologists crave? Fraaames!

What do zombie construction workers crave? Craaanes!

What do zombie nurses crave? Paaains!

...

What do vampires crave? Blood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monza700
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
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I just called my friend who recently became a pilot

The conversation was rather plane and boring

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JewInator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
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My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 266
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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Flying food

My wife doesn't like it when I bring food on a flight, as she thinks it's rude to the people around us. So I grabbed a single donut for our last flight, and when she reminded me that she felt it was inappropriate, I simply pointed out that this is what it was made for. After all, "it's a plane donut."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoorKidstoys
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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My daughter invited her aerospace engineering boyfriend to dinner so we could meet him...

"You're not very plane and Boeing as I thought you'd be."

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trwwy321
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
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Dad-joked my teacher today

So, today was my CNC class. For those that don't know what CNC is, it's basically the computer programming, and execution of automated machining and manufacturing. To program it, there is a very long script you have to write to tell the machine what to do.

He was reviewing his own code in front of the whole class, when he realized something, he's missing an R-plane. He says "Where is my R-plane?" I respond, "Probably at the R-port"

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/She_Likes_Cloth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2014
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Pilot got me with this one

So I'm getting off of a plane after a long tiring day of travel to Newark and the pilot pulled this one on me as i walked by: Me: "Thank you" Pilot: "No problem. Welcome to Boston!" He laughed when i was utterly confused for a second.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandaleep
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
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How did Ancient Egyptians travel?

BY PHARAOH-PLANE

(My 7 and 6 year olds didn't laugh...)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashvasey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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My dad blew up my inbox with these last night

What's Forrest Gump's password?

-oneFORRESTone

What's red and bad for your teeth?

-A brick

What do you call a bagel that can fly?

-A plane bagel

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

-Close...A carrot

And also all of these.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sallyjoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2014
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I need help writing airplane puns for a message on a dating site.

So the person's profile only talks about airplanes. I wanted to send a message totally jammed packed with airplane puns but I don't have that many. It's probably a fake profile but I still think it would be fun.

Here's what I have so far. Hey Girl. Most of the girls on this website are so 'plane' but you're the exception. I have a 'terminal' illness and hope to meet my copilot before I go. Just kidding. My health is 'A oK47'. I was just 'play'n' around. Just to let you know I have some baggage from some 'turbulence' in a previous relationship but Shirley I can get past it. My previous relationship taught me that two wrongs don't make a right. However, two Wrights made an airplane. I hope a new relationship can 'takeoff' with you though. I would be a great boyfriend. I have financial 'security' and could buy you anything you want with my 'visa'. Have you seen the movie, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"? It's really good, except for the train and automobile parts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/richrawl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Did you know birds don’t fly southwest?

They don’t want to be beaten and dragged out of the plane.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhFkItsHeav
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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My son might be too young to get it, but I still chuckled

My son is almost 2 and he likes to say goodbye to absolutely everything. We were watching airplanes fly by and this happened:

Son: Bye, plane!

Me: That's not a biplane!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twinklebeans
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
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My dad on flying.

When waiting for our flight, someone said it's time we get on the plane. He looks at me and says "the daredevils can get 'on' the plane, I'm getting 'in' the plane."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icanrunupwalls
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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I don't know very many good dad jokes, but take my advice: avoid 9/11 jokes.

They always crash and burn, and they're just plane wrong to begin with.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gickerific
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
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Hey son, want to know how to draw a plane?

You just need 3 non-collinear points and there’s you go, a plane.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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