I got hit with a Pepsi today.

Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTrainWhoLied
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for

But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.

And as his secretary says...

No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRichTookItAll
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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An undercover cop visits a doctors surgery...

...he pretends to be a patient and when the doctor it's him down he says:

DR: how can I help? Cop: Well I'm actually here because you're in trouble DR: Don't worry sir, most men your age suffer urine trouble!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dantr1x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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If I ever go to Prison, I'm gonna change my name to Mitochondria

I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookydooky69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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Who is Dr. Bird?

A patient came into the hospital today, and had filled out an online form. He wasn't able to find his regular GP on the system, so he picked a random one near the top of the list, Dr. Bird.

His wife asked "Who is Dr. Bird?" and the guy replied "I dunno, some quack"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/super_bison
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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My coworker got me today

We had a patient waiting for one of our doctors, but he didn't speak English. Coworker 1 "I think he speaks Mandarin." Me " I wonder if so and so Dr. Speaks Mandarin?" Coworker 2 "I don't known Mandarin, but I'm working on my Satsuma" Groans were had...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nataliey9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
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Colonoscopies are just as painful as a dad joke punch line

My parents and I were eating dinner and talking about how Joan Rivers died after being put under anesthesia for a procedure that could have been forgone. My mom, a doctor, compared it to a colonoscopy in the sense that it is a routine procedure you get put under anesthesia for but you don't expect to die from.

Dad: Can't they perform colonoscopies now by having the patient swallow a pill with a camera?

Mom/Dr: They can but they won't be able to see the whole colon.

Dad: So, semicolon?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FollowillFan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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