When things don't go accordion to plan....
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︎ Feb 11 2023
If you don't go to someone's funeral
Don't expect them to come to yours
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︎ Jan 20 2023
Did you know that you don't need a parachute to go skydiving?
But you do if you want to go twice.
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︎ Jan 05 2023
I realized I don't have any bread to go with my Indian food.
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︎ Jan 15 2023
If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits?
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︎ Jan 10 2023
"I don't want to go to school!!"
"But you have to. It's Monday..."
"My stomach hurts!!"
"No it doesn't. Come on now, get dressed..."
"But the kids are mean to me!!"
"I'm sure some of them are nice..."
"The teachers all hate me!!"
"They can't hurt you..."
"I still don't want to go!!"
"But you have to, dear... you're the principal."
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︎ Jan 03 2023
Thanksgiving is around the corner. You could go with turkey, but I recommend duck instead. So good roasted or fried..but whatever you do, dont smoke it.
Too many quack-heads in the world already
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︎ Oct 28 2022
Why don't morticians need to go to the gym?
Because they dead lift all the time
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︎ Nov 23 2022
why dont blind people go skydiving?
because it will scare the shit out of their dogs
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︎ Dec 09 2022
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︎ Nov 22 2022
The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?
They had UV protection in front.
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︎ Aug 27 2022
I don't understand why people go to coffee shop and ask "Is this Gluten Free?"
It definitely costs money.
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︎ Oct 05 2022
Why don't short people go to heaven?
Because heaven has high standards
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︎ Sep 04 2022
I just downloaded PokΓ©mon Go, so if you see me in the bushes outside your window, don't worry.
I'm just trying to get a Pikachu.
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︎ Jun 30 2022
I don't always go the extra mile...
But when I do, it's usually because I missed my exit.
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︎ Aug 26 2022
Don't go to the tattoo artist that used to be a math teacher
They really did a number on me
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︎ Apr 01 2022
8 year old me when mom asks me why i don't want to go to school:
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︎ Mar 20 2022
Don't go broke trying to act rich...
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︎ Jun 05 2022
I hope the Kardashians don't go to the beach this year.
All we need is more plastic in the ocean.
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︎ Feb 27 2022
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with!
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︎ Apr 23 2022
My wife said "Since you're tired, why don't you go to bed instead of sitting on the couch"
To which I replied "But it is sofa away"
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︎ Apr 19 2022
Why don't the Easter Island statues ever go anywhere?
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︎ Feb 09 2022
my family wanted to go on a vacation this year but we don't have the money.
Everything is so expencive i chose a free time share as our last resort
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︎ May 29 2022
Why do birds sing in the morning?Because they don't have to go to work.
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︎ Aug 13 2021
Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I'm going jogging, but then don't go.
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︎ Nov 11 2021
Less a dad joke, more a dad observation.... People lament on the first fish evolving to live on land and wish it had just stayed there so we don't have to get up early to go to work.
But then we'd have to go to school every day.
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︎ Nov 14 2021
I have never been much for rules myself. The sign on the sauna said "don't go to more than 85 degrees"
But I still sat in the corner.
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︎ Apr 10 2022
Why don't some couples go to gym?
Becouse some relationships just don't work out.
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︎ Mar 15 2022
Pls don't buy bison son! Credits go to u/Chumpsland
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︎ Sep 30 2021
Nuclear physicists don't like to go hunting.
But they really enjoy fission.
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︎ Feb 25 2022
Don't go down on me...
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︎ Aug 20 2021
Why don't pirates go to strip clubs?
Because they already have all the booty!
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︎ Sep 29 2021
why dont blind people go bungee jumping
because it scares the fuck outta the dog
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︎ Jul 22 2021
When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said "Don't forget to write"
I thought, "That's unlikely... it's a basic skill, isn't it?"
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︎ Dec 21 2020
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving
But you do need a parachute to go skydiving twice
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︎ Dec 24 2022
Why don't blind people go skydiving?
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︎ Jun 14 2022
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice!!
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︎ Jul 06 2022
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving...
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice
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︎ Jul 14 2022
You don't need a parachute to go sky diving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice!
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︎ Jun 05 2022
Why don't blind people don't go for skydiving?
Because it scares the crap out of their dogs
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︎ Jan 16 2022
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
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︎ Dec 12 2021
I don't always go the extra mile, or more, but when I do...
It's because I missed the offramp.
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︎ Dec 06 2021
Why don't skeletons go trick-or-treating on Halloween?
They have no body to go with
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︎ Sep 22 2021
Why don't blind people go skydiving?
It scares the heck out of the seeing-eye dog.
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︎ Oct 20 2021
Why don't blind people go skydiving?
Because it scares the hell out of the dogs
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︎ Aug 31 2021
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
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