When things don't go accordion to plan....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trizmagestus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2023
🚨︎ report
If you don't go to someone's funeral

Don't expect them to come to yours

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Budget-Pay3743
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2023
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Did you know that you don't need a parachute to go skydiving?

But you do if you want to go twice.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sterling1989
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2023
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I realized I don't have any bread to go with my Indian food.

But it's a naan issue.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CobraWasTaken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2023
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If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hard_Corsair
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2023
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"I don't want to go to school!!"

"But you have to. It's Monday..."

"My stomach hurts!!"

"No it doesn't. Come on now, get dressed..."

"But the kids are mean to me!!"

"I'm sure some of them are nice..."

"The teachers all hate me!!"

"They can't hurt you..."

"I still don't want to go!!"

"But you have to, dear... you're the principal."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juntokyo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2023
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Thanksgiving is around the corner. You could go with turkey, but I recommend duck instead. So good roasted or fried..but whatever you do, dont smoke it.

Too many quack-heads in the world already

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/This_May_Hurt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2022
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Why don't morticians need to go to the gym?

Because they dead lift all the time

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/razzapazza
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2022
🚨︎ report
why dont blind people go skydiving?

because it will scare the shit out of their dogs

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LIGMA145
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2022
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Why don't blind people go skydiving? /r/Jokes/comments/yyq9mr/…
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2022
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The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockneybastard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2022
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I don't understand why people go to coffee shop and ask "Is this Gluten Free?"

It definitely costs money.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vietlinh12hoa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2022
🚨︎ report
Why don't short people go to heaven?

Because heaven has high standards

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sudden_Swim_4907
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2022
🚨︎ report
I just downloaded PokΓ©mon Go, so if you see me in the bushes outside your window, don't worry.

I'm just trying to get a Pikachu.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parttimeteacher
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2022
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I don't always go the extra mile...

But when I do, it's usually because I missed my exit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/igillyg
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2022
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Don't go to the tattoo artist that used to be a math teacher

They really did a number on me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rsn_alchemistry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2022
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8 year old me when mom asks me why i don't want to go to school:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkycouscous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2022
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Don't go broke trying to act rich...

Act your wage.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2022
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I hope the Kardashians don't go to the beach this year.

All we need is more plastic in the ocean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebelQwertyBoy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2022
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Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedeathwaiter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2022
🚨︎ report
My wife said "Since you're tired, why don't you go to bed instead of sitting on the couch"

To which I replied "But it is sofa away"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gettor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2022
🚨︎ report
Why don't the Easter Island statues ever go anywhere?

They're really stoned

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πŸ‘€︎ u/esposures
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2022
🚨︎ report
my family wanted to go on a vacation this year but we don't have the money.

Everything is so expencive i chose a free time share as our last resort

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Extreme-Level3337
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do birds sing in the morning?Because they don't have to go to work.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2021
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Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I'm going jogging, but then don't go.

It's a running joke.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2021
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Less a dad joke, more a dad observation.... People lament on the first fish evolving to live on land and wish it had just stayed there so we don't have to get up early to go to work.

But then we'd have to go to school every day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrizzKarizz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I have never been much for rules myself. The sign on the sauna said "don't go to more than 85 degrees"

But I still sat in the corner.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2022
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Why don't some couples go to gym?

Becouse some relationships just don't work out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmanatxMohd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2022
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Pls don't buy bison son! Credits go to u/Chumpsland
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kathy_Kamikaze
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2021
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Nuclear physicists don't like to go hunting.

But they really enjoy fission.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2022
🚨︎ report
Don't go down on me...
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't pirates go to strip clubs?

Because they already have all the booty!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadsjokesnet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2021
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why dont blind people go bungee jumping

because it scares the fuck outta the dog

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2021
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When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said "Don't forget to write"

I thought, "That's unlikely... it's a basic skill, isn't it?"

πŸ‘︎ 385
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving

But you do need a parachute to go skydiving twice

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyler5060
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2022
🚨︎ report
Why don't blind people go skydiving?

It scares their dogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stee4vendetta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2022
🚨︎ report
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice!!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2022
🚨︎ report
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving...

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBoyBarm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2022
🚨︎ report
You don't need a parachute to go sky diving.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2022
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Why don't blind people don't go for skydiving?

Because it scares the crap out of their dogs

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/galactus_thunder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2022
🚨︎ report
Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KunalMittal_16
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't always go the extra mile, or more, but when I do...

It's because I missed the offramp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons go trick-or-treating on Halloween?

They have no body to go with

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyItsMrBlue22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't blind people go skydiving?

It scares the heck out of the seeing-eye dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiskeyBadger_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't blind people go skydiving?

Because it scares the hell out of the dogs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pwick914
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report

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