My local karaoke bar has just banned all Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Bing Crosby songs …

to prevent the spread of the crooner virus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaggington
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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What's Paula Deans least favorite Pokemon?

Butterfree

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kontiak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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What is Dean Martin's favourite sea creature?

That's a moray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthBobLoblaw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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If I ever own a mare, Im naming her

Nadine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quenoquesoporque
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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What did the cross-eyed teacher say to the Dean?

I can’t control my pupils!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FisforBigOof
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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What does Dean Martin say when he sees an eel?

That's a Moray

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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What is Dean Martin’s favorite eel?

That’s a Moray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wallagm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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Jimmy Dean asked me to update their website, it's pretty easy work:

All I have to do is add a couple links.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SapperInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
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I was going to be a doctor but they kicked me out of med school when they found out I was a coward...

The dean said, "It takes guts to learn anatomy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sraboy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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The Hall of Deans

So my dad, sister and I all went to go and visit my grandmother (she got moved to hospice this week) at the hospital, and on the entry way it showed a Hall of Deans for the Sanford Medical School/Hospital. Like four busts all in a row. My Dad, whose name is Doug goes, "God, all four of them were named Dean? Where's the Hall of Dougs? Sign me up!"

He had tears coming out of his eyes. I love my family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwingingSalmon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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Whiteboards... are remarkable
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zalack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked β€œbirthday,” and said:

β€œPick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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My little sister was reading the milk carton at breakfast.

"Dad, what does pasteurised mean?"
Dad picks up milk carton.
"Well this is milk,"
He slowly moves the carton past my sisters face.
"...and now it's past-your-eyes-'d milk"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KankleGrinder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
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My dad on my friend getting into a car accident:

My friend recently got into a car accident with one of the local universities deans' wife. After informing my dad he immediately replies, "He banged the dean's wife?!". Needless to say my dad's girlfriend and I looked at each other while my dad looked on hoping for a reaction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaserD1ck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Jerry Lawler dropped this one

"Dean Ambrose never beleved in Santa as a child .. He was a rebel without a Claus"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sledge824
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
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What kind of sausage are we using for breakfast?

Grandpa:

Jimmy Dean. I don't think it's actually him though, just his brand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaeqPiegDeivys
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
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My dad had this gem when talking about my job

My boss's name is Dean. My dad asked "What are you doing at work today?"

I replied "Whatever's on Dean's list."

He said "You made the dean's list?? That's my boy!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrihearvoices
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
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My son broke my record this Christmas...

I loved that Dean Martin Christmas Record.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McRead-it
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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What’s Dean Martin’s favorite Eel?

That’s a Moray!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/motophoto5000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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