Out on Reaperscans.
Check it out, it's pretty okay.
Out on reaperscans, looks promising so far.
This was actually the first thing I ever wrote. It was initially for a book (which has now made a 180, gotten a completely new plot, and it's now more like Hitchhiker's Guide), but I decided to try to make it into a screenplay. Looking for any and all advice on whether or not this hooks you, and how I can improve. Not sure how to format the montages.
Anyways, it's supposed to be a comedic, realistic take on superheroes with a guy who really shouldn't be. I feel like the intro might be too long, but I dunno.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1cxHsvwRgStAo1cNVnShVHJ_qOiuS4SS_/view?usp=sharing
Looking for some feedback on my sci-fi story. It's supposed to be an absurd comedy, and really wanting to know if my first paragraph/page/chapter hooks you. You can read on if you want, but really just looking to see if you get hooked.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kRB3ptwXL4tmsueFAEGj2VjOo4zXDlV4qObZdMh5hjo/edit?usp=sharing
Just looking for some critique on my writing. Title is a WIP, not final. This selection is about 3-4k words, and after the large gap, there's a few throwaway scenes/lines that I'm not sure I'll use in the story. Would love to hear some thoughts on this. More than anything, I'm concerned about there being too much dialogue, and the dialogue that there is being too boring. Either way, good or bad, wanting to hear it all. Thanks!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nC5a-V1TrDKbI_p-mU8ST7kYH7J0zDZhWRk4C5Yo5aY/edit?usp=sharing
The story is an absurdist scifi tale about Lou, who happens to be The Chosen One, and is severely underqualified. Most are. He's taken from his normal life in Boston, and thrust into a space adventure with a humanoid alien named Garth. This is the first chapter right here, and what I'd consider my intro. Looking for any and all feedback. Really, just whatever you think is good or bad or great or terrible.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fV9e-QrqU3aRFZ5PYa0-YzPPg0GniRfL0rTyR-44b8M/edit?usp=sharing
Posted an incomplete version of my first chapter here a little while ago, and people seemed to receive it well. Just completed it (at least the rough draft), and wanting to get some more opinions. I'm sure there's plenty wrong with it, so if you find something, let me know. Anyways, hope you guys enjoy. And hope you don't mind it's in a Google Doc.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YfnHLOZm-cGeSM1kVUj5qPRFJK_MoV7at2SZJVdpO70/edit?usp=sharing
Looking for any and all critique on this fantasy story. Using the fantasy part very loosely. But let me know if it doesn't fit here (though the sequel to this book definitely will).
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/17uMgHNuBDU-SnzdKi4OUdbY0aOmfkZiue7B6I6HiqYQ/edit?usp=sharing
Recently rewrote the first chapter of my story, and wanted to get some feedback on it. Anything and everything you can think of would be appreciated. Also curious about thoughts on title.
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Jack Quinn was at his wit's end. Having been expertly-trained to handle nearly any conceivable scenario, never could he have anticipated something of this nature. No challenge tested his mental fortitude more than trying to correctly fill out a requisition form at the esteemed Department Of Extraordinary Persons And Superheroes In Service Of The Greater Good Of America And American Allies But Not Guam. And it was this requisition form which led to the inquisition as to whether there was a purposeful maldistribution of the Department's governmental subsidization. Or, as Mr. Quinn so eloquently put it, why he's "shit with money."
But this is not Mr. Quinn's story.
Our story begins about two states west, six counties north, four cities east, eighteen roads to the south, three blocks west, and two buildings down, on the east side of Dorchester Avenue, in a quaint little village called Boston.
Bill Gallagher was a very unassuming man, no more than five feet, eight inches.
Dude, I’m five-nine.
Ugh, okay. Bill Gallagher was a very unassuming man, no more than five feet, nine inches.
That’s better.
He had a shrinking hairline that was directly proportional to his growing whisky gut — not quite the size of a beer gut, a whisky gut came with a fatherly appearance, and a grandfatherly bill of health. Not Bill's grandfather, of course. I say of course, for it is common knowledge among the morticians in the near-vicinity of Princeton — both of them — that Bill's grandfather is deceased, not having any health bills of his own. But this was not always the case.
Bill's grandfather was once a barely-living, heavily-breathing person, much like Bill himself. And now he's not.
Bill's most notable quality, on the other hand — besides the fact that he was, according to one inebriated witness, "living," and despite the fact that you would never know this from his often-unconscious, incontinent state — was that he was the most extraordinarily ordinary man in the world. He had an ordinary childhood, an ordinary job, an ordinary house, and, above all else, an ordinary prostate.
It was fitting, of course, that on the most ordinary of Sunday nights, Bill decided to do the most ordinary thing he could think of: go to Brucey's Pub & Grill.
Loc
... keep reading on reddit ➡Looking for some feedback on the title, and the text. About 1,300 words total, and wanting to really know if this truly hooks readers, and where I could improve.
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Boston. The greatest city in the world. Anyone can make it here. Whether you're a blue-collar plumber, or a petty thief, it's a place full of characters. We got the Patsies, the Sox, the Bruins. Could never forget the C's. We even got Papa Gino's Pizza.
Our ancestors were the hardest workers around. A bunch of no-good Micks keeping this city on its feet. There's a certain feeling of pride in Irish blood because of it. My parents continued that tradition. My mom, a bartender, used to work late every night to keep food on the table. My dad, when he wasn't smacking me around, or drinking his problems away, also Irish traditions, helped us out with his money from the shop. We didn't have much, but I never starved, and I always had a roof over my head.
I've lived here my entire life. I was like every other Southie. I went to high school, got a job in a warehouse, and kissed my hopes and dreams goodbye. Depressed, balding, a loser trying to keep it up for the next bar skank... and secretly wanting to become a superhero. So I did.
This is not your typical superhero story. There's no happy ending. I'm not an eccentric millionaire, and I don't get the girl. It's just a lot of pain, and a lot more fucking blue balls.
In the past, I've had my fair share of run-ins with villains. From Big Todd down at Brucey's last Friday, to that fairy-lookin' motherfucker on Broadway last Friday.
It's now Saturday.
"Mr. [last name], you look like you got hit by a train."
To be fair, I'd had a major headache from earlier that night, and it was a lucky shot. Fucking prick. Any other night, he'd be in a whole world of trouble. I got a mean left hook I learned from Terry the Tory. The trick was to put your weight into it. Terry was an old-school guy, real rugged. Ex-Royal Navy, Golden Gloves champ. The real deal. Found his way here after he was caught running a fighting ring in his uncle's cellar.
"You should've seen the other guy," I said, smirking.
"Short guy, curly black hair? Not a scratch."
Turns out, Terry was never in the Royal Navy. He tried when he was sixteen, but was rejected when they learned that he'd been in a psych ward for the past three years.
It was already 6 in the morning when I got out of the ER. I gotta be clocked in at work by 6:30. So much for fucking union
... keep reading on reddit ➡
woke up an hour ago, finished a drink and found Stanhope paused in the middle of this set and it was the perfect way to start my day, around 1030pm.
Just looking for some critique on my writing. Title is a WIP, not final. This selection is about 3-4k words, and after the large gap, there's a few throwaway scenes/lines that I'm not sure I'll use in the story. Would love to hear some thoughts on this. More than anything, I'm concerned about there being too much dialogue, and the dialogue that there is being too boring. Either way, good or bad, wanting to hear it all. Thanks!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nC5a-V1TrDKbI_p-mU8ST7kYH7J0zDZhWRk4C5Yo5aY/edit?usp=sharing
