A list of puns related to "Daddy You, Daughter Me"
She continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
βNo, I don't think they'll fit me.β Is my go to answer. Bless her she still laughs and says βsilly daddyβ. Sheβs 3 :)
I said "It's growing on me."
Like any good dad, I said "Of course I can sweety" before stuffing my toes into them.
After she said "NOOOOOOO DAAAAAADDY! On my feet!" I said "well why didn't you say so in the first place?"
[Helped her stuff her feet in]
"Daddy" she asked, "Can you pull on the tongue?"
......ike dthis?
Dad: Gets her nothing instead
"A hai-choo!"
She learns from the best ;-)
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says βGod bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.β The father says, βGood bye Grandad? Why is that?β The daughter says, βJust because I felt like it.β The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father canβt believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughterβs prayers again. She says, βGod bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.β The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, βJust because I felt like it.β The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesnβt know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, βGod bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.β The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesnβt go home and stays there until midnight. Heβs very surprised. βIβve cheated death!β he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, βWhere have you been?!β and the husband says, βOh donβt ask me any questions, todayβs been miserable.β The wife replies, βYour days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porchβ¦β
The other day, we were getting my 3 year old daughter out of the bath. You know how cold that transition is.
D = daughter M = me
D: "Daddy, me owl."
M: confused face "What?"
D: shivering "whoooooo, hoooooo"
Her first pun!!!
(After being outside for 2 hours)
Daughter: Daddy, why didn't I get a sunburn?
Me: You can't, honey.
Daughter: Really?
Me: You can only get a daughterburn.
Yesterday my almost 3 year old daughter was took my ears and said: "Daddy, I took your ears. You don't have your ears anymore" Me: "what?" She: "Daddy, I took your ears. You don't have your ears anymore" Me: "What?" She: "You don't have your ears anymore" Me: "But what? I cannot hear you, because I don't have my ears anymore"
She looked, understood wat I was saying and then turned to me at me with a face of huge disappointment...
I still think it was funny though
Getting ready to leave the soft play. My daughters are 5 and 3, this was the youngest one.
Daughter: Daddy, can you put my shoes on? Me: I don't think they'll fit me, darling. Daughter (looking exasperated): No Daddy, I mean put them on me!
So proud.
Daughter: Do you know what my favorite kind of bird is?
Me: Cockatiels? (my educated guess since we have two)
Daughter: No, it's an owl.
Me: Who?
Daughter: An owl.
Me: Who?
Daughter: AN OWL!
Me: Who? (while laughing)
Daughter: Daddy... (finally catches on, but not amused)
My 5 y/o daughter said to me βdaddy can I have some water from your water bottle because Iβm thirsty.β
Me: of course sweetie
4 y/o son from the other room, βnice to meet you Thirsty, Iβm Grady!β
I'm in the car with my 6yr old daughter and she starts asking me "What does this spell, d-o-g?" I answer, "dog". She congratulates me and asks again. "What does this spell? c-a-t" I say "cat". Again, she congratulates me and I asked her "Ok, what does this spell? I-d-o-n-t-k-n-o-w" She is dumbfounded, but you can see her trying. Shes asks a couple of times for me to repeat the letters. She then finally concedes and sadly says "I don't know." I let out a huge, "THAT'S RIGHT! GOOD JOB!" She started laughing and let out a sympathetic "oh daddy."
Seeing a horse lick another horse:
Daughter: Daddy, that horse licked that other horse!
Me: Well you know what they say, love thy NEIGHbor!
Group except me: [groans]
My 2 year old daughter figured out she could wear her underwear on her head. My wife told her to show me.
Kid: "Daddy, I wear the undies!"
Me: "Kiddo, you wear undies under. Wearing them over makes them ovaries"
My wife keeled over and started coughing from laughter.
Me: I really want to get a big bulldog one day. Daughter: daddy, you can't get a big bulldog! Me: why not? Daughter because they're too "ruff"
(she even gave me the "aha" face like she knew the pun she was making. I was one proud dad)
sitting in a coffee shop with my girlfriend and 4 yr old daughter. kid's looking at the letters on the coffee cups
Kid: Daddy, why are the letters all smooshed together?
Gf: It's called handwriting.
Kid: What's the last letter? I don't remember it...
Gf: It's an "S". Do you know a word that starts with S?
Me: Shit.
Gf: And why, of all words, did you use "shit"?
Me: I'm speaking in cursive
Gf: ΰ² _ΰ²
Daughter: pushes away her plate Daddy, I'm done with my supper. Me: No, you're not. You haven't even touched your pork. Daughter: reaches out with one finger and taps on her pork chop, then looks up at me and smiles
My wife was giving our four year old a bath, and she mentioned that I don't always use the tangerine conditioner on her hair.
Wife: Daddy needs to use the conditioner every time her washes your hair. Daughter: Conditioner is made from oranges. They make it from the juice. Me: Yup. They make it from the Jews. That's why conditioner had such a holi cost. Wife: Why did I marry you?
Sitting around the table in a local restaurant the other night, I finally evolved to my final form.
My daughter, 5, kept dropping her garlic rolls on the floor and was getting really upset. I asked her if she was on fire, and the look from my wife told me that she knew what was coming. My two teenaged sons looked at me with the faces that I've seen a thousand times, yet never get tired of seeing.
"Sweetheart, are you on fire?"
"No, daddy."
"Well, I thought you were, because you can't stop drop'n rolls."
I got all rewards from this one. Groans, eye rolls, and of course I cracked myself up.
While eating pizza for my daughter's birthday...
Daughter: "Daddy, I'm 5. Were you five when you were small like me? But then you turned six."
Me: "Yes, but then I went to the doctor and got better."
wife eyes start rolling
Daughter: "Daddy, I want be eight."
Me:"So does that slice of pizza"
My wife dropped her slice and buried her face in her hands. I think she was trying to keep her eyes from falling out.
6 year-old daughter: "Daddy, what is Neptune?"
Me: "It's the music you listen to when you take a little sleep in the afternoon, of course!"
8 year-old son, science-fan, face-palming: "Oh, dad."
She asks our daughter, "Honey, would you like a wafer?"
Me: "Would she like to wafer what?"
Wife (eye-roll, to daughter): "Daddy better slow down, he might hurt himself this early"
My daughter: Daddy, look I tied a knot Me: You did not!
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