Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.

Sadly I was defeated.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If you cut off your left hand, your right hand will be left.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/araitisaname
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who got his left part cut off?

DonΒ΄t worry, heΒ΄s alright now

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Leooof321dax
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body cut off?

he’s all right now

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine cut his finger off at work...

I suppose he'll be getting severance pay.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the guy whose left side was cut off?

He is alright now

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rohan20201234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Had the wife stop the movie to watch a quick clip. After she sat down I told her" You could cut the dogs feet off".

She said "I don't understand.....".

I said " UN-PAUSE".

I had to explain it to her...

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JJJoyce
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally cut off most of my foot

It’s almost all heeled

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lLoopl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I were dolphin-back racing when he cut me off.

He did it on porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked if she could cut the hair off of one of her barbies to make a boy barbie.

I said "You Ken if you want to."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clowncar83
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack was about to cut off a tree when it suddenly said "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack then said: "And you will dialogue."

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/detharos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey did you here about the guy who got his left hand cut off?

Yeah I hear he's all Right.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
This jerk in an expensive vehicle cut me off and expected me to get out of his way.

Ambulances, I can't stand them.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally cut off my right hand today

I don't feel right

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plane_Garbage
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens if you cut both your feet off?

You get two feet shorter.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Holeeschite
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Some asshole cut off both my arms and a leg a while ago. But it's ok...

...I don't hold crutches.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnxiousYYC2018
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off

I think they're stalking me

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ignorethevoices
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The doctor cut off both my right hand and my right leg

So with no rights im practically a woman

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hot_dwag
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine had a surgery to cut off his left side

He’s alright now!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wapoosh_a_Kill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman tripped and fell off the balcony and had been cut in half. Still conscious, she was quickly rushed to the hospital...

Manager: what did the doctor say to the woman’s family? Me: after thinking ...yea I’m not sure Manager: β€œshe was ALL RIGHT.” Me: oh, I thought you were going to say β€œThere’s nothing LEFT.” The manager at work got a kick out of that because that was an answer he has never gotten before lol figured I’d post it here.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slammin_Salmon94
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
While being tortured I was asked if I'd prefer to have either my arms or legs cut off.

I was stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snakesinfur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Just became an American so I cut off all my sleeves

Since I now have the right to bare arms

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teddy4Prez
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A princess wants to choose her future husband. Her engineers create a maze full of deadly traps. After the struggle, four princes survive. The first three have both their hands cut off. The fourth one still has one hand left. Which one will she choose?

She will chose the fourth prince: he's the most hand-some.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?

Well don't worry, he's all right now

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthonyTheBg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.

I think I'm being stalked

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?

That’s okay, he’s all-right now!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyrus_Universe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
When the barber asks me if I would like more cut off

Just a hair...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacInRealLife
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the warrior cut off the feet of his enemies?

They were defeated.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aureperi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?

He’s all right now!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phoenixrejoicez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
hey did you hear about the guy who cut off the left half of his body??

he’s all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who’s left side was cut off?

He’s all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 699
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ilovemom1098
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Got the left side of my body cut off.

I'm all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FrostlessIce
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who had his left side cut off?

Oh, he’s all right now...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Londoner1982
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that got his left side cut off?

It's ok, he's all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ttocs77
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that got his left side cut off?

It's ok, he's all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ttocs77
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend had his whole left side cut off in an accident

He is all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally cut off my left hand today

But on the other hand, I feel all right

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plane_Garbage
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?

He’s all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/batmanshsu
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine cut his finger off at work...

So he'll be getting sever ance pay.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He’s all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Guyshu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

Hes all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RussiaIsMyCity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmplFusuz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
If you cut off your left arm then your right arm will be left.
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naam_Karan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redwitch-fr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who's left side was cut off?

he's all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man whose entire left side of his body was cut off in an accident?

It’s ok. He’s all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.