Crypto Protestantism Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

>tem que saber o diálogo inteiro do Patrick Bateman com o Paul Allen enquanto toca Huey Lewis and The News antes do Patrick matar o Paul em American Psycho; >tem que saber python; >tem que ter whats de casal; >tem que ser nacional socialista; >não pode ter assistido Arcane; >tem que ser ancap; >tem que ir buscar o xis do indio as 3 da manha de a pé pra nao pagar frete; >tem que ser colorada; >não pode reclamar quando eu voltar bebado as 5 da manhã; >tem que fumar Bill; >tem que ter parentes no canada; >tem que me acompanhar na calistenia; >tem que minerar crypto; >tem que fazer um misto quente de cafe da manha e comprar requeijão; >tem que jogar diablo II; >tem que latir de volta pros cachorros; >tem que ter toda a trilogia estendida do senhor dos aneis decorada; >tem que ter sobrenome alemão ou italiano; >não pode ter pintado o cabelo; >tem que ter cadeira gamer rosa; >tem que assistir todos os jogos do Inter cmg; >tem que assistir anime; >tem que jogar FFXIV de guria gato com o cabelo da Ryuko; >tem que ver compilação de mitadas do Enéas abraçada cmg; >tem que ter um headset com orelha de gato; >ir fazer a mão no Cátio de moto toda semana; >tem que saber explicar o final de Evangelion; >tem que matar as mosca com a raquete eletrica no churrasco de domingo; >tem que assistir chink hate; >tem que usar meia calça; >não pode pular a parte dos relogios no Time do Pink Floyd; >nem On The Run; >nem a parte das caixas registradoras no Money; >tem que ordenhar as vaca; >tem que gostar do meu café; >nao pode ter tatuagem; >não pode jogar Valorant; >tem que tomar café gelado sem açúcar no verão; >primeira coisa de manhã é tomar duas colheres de sopa de azeite de oliva e um copo de água com vinagre; >tem que ir nos camelo comprar jogo de play 2 pra mim; >tem que ter lido o novo testamento, iliada, odisseia, senhor dos aneis, mein kampf, todos os livros do dostoevsky e fausto; >tem que saber montar barraca; >tem que tocar todas as obras de Liszt no piano e a fuga de Hammerklavier; >ir na tchênet reclamar quando cair a net; >tem que concordar que GTA Rio de Janeiro é melhor que GTA Tropa de Elite; >tem que concordar que GTA Cidade de Deus é superior a esses 2; >tem que saber fazer fogueira; >tem que escutar rock progressivo dos anos 70; >tem que saber tocar bateria; >não pode ser mais que gold IV e não pode ter ido duo

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I won't be doing that today!

And boy are my arms legs.

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

And then shook his arm really fast.

(True story, please groan with me.)

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.