Two drunk guys were fighting. One of them drew a line in the dirt, and said if the other crossed it they would punch them in the face.

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_dan17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.” /r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldendarren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the squirrel cross the telephone line?

Because it was busy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brodacious-G
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Bolt crosses the Finish line to win another gold medal [2016]
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_wastl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Two kids were on the playground, about to get in a fight. One drew a line in the sand and told the other, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll punch you in the face.”

That was the punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:

"......gneiss guys finish last."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
🚨︎ report
For having such strong opinions on border security, Donald Trump sure can cross the line.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthurktripp
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Finland has just closed their borders

No one will be crossing the finish line

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Who gets home after they cross the finish line?

"Finnish people!" (Thick Romanian accent)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SplooshKing
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2015
🚨︎ report
What happens when someone leaves Finland?

They cross the finish line

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capn-X
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m going to jog from Sweden to Finland...

and cross the Finnish line.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to covid-19, finland closed its borders to international marathon runners.

The racers ran anyways but unfortunately no one crossed the finnish line

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I had my first dad joke moment

I was driving my daughter (10F) to her dance class. Although we have taken this route countless times before and she never said a word about it before, she did this time and said as she was looking out the window while driving by a particular area, "Why would anyone build a daycare next to a cemetery?"

Without thought, I said "I don't know, but I bet their neighbors are quiet"

There was a second or two pause and then she said "Daaaaaaad."

My chest puffed up with pride for several miles as I thought I had just crossed the line into Dad Jokedom!

πŸ‘︎ 224
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm okay with parallel graphs and all...

But perpendicular? That crosses the line

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I see your point when it comes to dotting your i’s...

But crossing your t’s is where I draw the line.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
why did the Swedish racer lose the race

because he couldn't cross the finnish line.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wesamzxc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
So dotting "i's" is one thing...

But crossing "t's"? That's where I draw the line.

πŸ‘︎ 176
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TvV1ST3D
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My problematic teen kid just fled across the border

He really crossed the line this time!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/otoglomba
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I once had a job in a t-shirt factory

I once had a job in a t-shirt factory. Every day, t-shirts would come down the line, and using this big rubber stamp, I’d apply a handful of dots to them, at random, to just given them a general design that wasn’t blank t-shirt. It was soul sucking, but it paid the bills.

However, I kept running into a problem. I wasn’t applying the dots fast enough. It was a mental thing - I’d get hung up on where should I apply the next dot so it doesn’t look bad, etc. But one of the guys who’d been there longer than I had gave me a piece of advice. He told me to cross to my eyes. That way, I could just kinda zone out and hit the t-shirt a few times randomly without paying much attention to where exactly I was applying the dots. It worked like magic.

Well eventually I was getting ready to leave the factory and they had me train my replacement. It only took one day. I left him with one piece of advice. I told him not to get too hung up on the specific details but just to make sure he dotted his tees and crossed his eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoyoteTheFatal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
One-line vampire jokes for Halloween

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?

Lots of blood tests!

Why did Dracula’s mother give him cough medicine?

Because he was having a coffin fit.

Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?

It was a stake sandwich.

Dracula decided he needed a dog, which breed did he choose?

A bloodhound.

What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?

Fangsgiving.

What did the vampire say to the Invisible Man?

β€˜Long time, no see!’

Why is Dracula so unpopular?

Because he’s a pain in the neck!

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/one-line-vampire-jokes-for-halloween/

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Swedish national cross-country marathon?

The winner was the first to cross the Finnish line.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Waiting in line at Disneyland

A few years back the wife and I were waiting in line for a ride at Disneyland, and we were stopped next to a cast member door. One cast member was leaving for their break and asked if they could cross, and we kindly backed up a little for her. As she opened the door another cast member was coming out, who also crossed in front of us. I immediately turned to my wife and exclaimed "We've been double crossed!"

πŸ‘︎ 749
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scaryuncledevin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2016
🚨︎ report
I read an article today about a long distance race that starts in Sweden and ends in Finland...

The winner is the first person to cross the Finnish line.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMeTuco
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the painter mad at the sketch artist?

The painter was mad at the sketch artist because he was behaving "Sketchy" and he crossed the "Line".

heuueueueue.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the game winning Super Bowl LIII touchdown?

It crosses the line.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinOfPop
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I angered some country music fans while driving from Lake City to Valdosta

Apparently I had crossed the Florida Georgia Line

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnbr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Power line dadjoked my family

While driving with my Mom and brother we passed several sets of power lines crossing over a river, many of which had marker balls on them. My mom asked why some of the lines didn't have balls, I told her it was because those were girl power lines.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightfoam
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend's dad's Facebook posts are golden

*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)

*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.

*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!

*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!

*If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? -Just wondering

*Harvard has long been known for its championship Rowing team – until this year. They had their first ever indecisive rower... he couldn’t choose either oar.

*I found an excellent seamstress who is so enthusiastic about her work that she's happy to make a pair of pants for you …or at least sew its seams.

*No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

*I bought a new weed whacker yesterday & it is cutting-hedge technology!

*Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.

*I read about a recent fire at the circus. The heat was in tents.

*I was saddened to hear that our local bakery was going out of business. They said they had decided to stop making donuts after they got tired of the hole thing.

*I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? …Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!!

*I wonder if their manure spreader is the only equipment John Deere won't stand behind.

*I saw a very emotional wedding recently... even the cake was in tiers!

*I'm glad I'm not a cross-eyed teacher... otherwise I'd find it too difficult to control my pupils!

*What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? ...Snow and Tell

*I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

*The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

*What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? …Owlgebra

*What

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwildcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 270
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I crossed the line

x__

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2016
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the state line?

He just had to get out of there because he heard that Kentucky fried chicken!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTrekkie1701
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
🚨︎ report
When do racers go to Finland?

When they cross the Finnish line.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loriffic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Finland has closed its borders, You know what that means...

No one will cross the Finnish line

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Niels_h_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Finland has locked itself with quarantine.

No one will be crossing the Finish line.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Finland has just closed its borders

There’s no way we can cross the Finnish line now.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beanburrito26
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you know when a race to Finland is over?

When you cross the Finnish line.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Going past the equator really...

Crosses the line.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JonathanDoe297
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I would tell you...

I would tell a Mexican joke but that's crossing the line.

I would tell a gay joke, butt fuck it.

I would tell you a dirty Chinese joke but that's sum ting wong.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jedijosh920
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
🚨︎ report

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