Onions was a good dog
It was the hardest dump I ever took
I also told him "now you'll be able to put your nose up at someone and give them the cold shoulder at the same time"
He thought I was "very punny"
Onions was a good dog
His parents were a wafer so long
They don’t want to smear Themyscira
He said it was because I committed a moving violation.
Seeing this, a robber sneaked past, and when the boss ended up being in the next room, the boss asked, “how’d you get past security?” In response to this, the robber said “you let your guard down.”
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
After all these years, he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
Opinions
He was standing next to the elephant enclosure sobbing his heart out. 'What's wrong?' I asked. 'Trunky has just died," wept the zookeeper 'Aaw, and you really loved him?' I asked. 'No, but I have to bury him,' replied the zookeeper.
She had lost $200, so I gave her $40 from the $200 I just found. When god blesses you, you must bless others.
Taken from dad jokes
Baby blue
(Anna, age 10, after I told her "What's blue and not very heavy?" "Light blue")
They are all so moving.
Teargas
Even the cake was in tiers.
Second tears.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Blubber, blubber, blubber, blubber!
He prescribed me some anti-BackTearyEel lotion to take care of it.
Oh, for tuna.
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
He's a softy
While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
This is thanks to their no tears formula.
They rocket.
However the first person who tried it is still crying endless tiers!
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
Midlife crisis
“Are you having a crisis ?”
Whine o' clock
But they do let out a little “wine”!
Cause the government stole his TP
Because his father was a wafer so long!
Opinions.
Cop: it’s a .....moving violation.
Onions was such a good dog
