Fail-iens!
We are currently filming the pilot
doctor 1: Luckily they're just mariner injuries.
doctor 2: are you shore? they seem pretty bad to me.
doctor 1: nonsense, you can seafarer self.
β¦ Weβre in a plane over the mountains when the pilot came over the intercom and said. βLadies and gentlemen. I have some bad news. We are having a major mechanical issue. The plane is going down and thereβs nowhere to land before it crashes. And more bad news. We only have three parachutes. Since Iβm the pilot I feel I should go down with the planeβ
The President jumps up and says. βIβm the President. I must surviveβ. So he grabs a parachute and jumps out. The lady jumps up saying. βIβm the worlds smartest woman, I must surviveβ. She grabs a bag and jumps.
The Rabbi tells the scout. β Son, Iβve had a long and satisfying life. I give you the last parachute so you can do some good in this worldβ. The Scout says β Rabbi. Donβt worry about it, The nice Blonde lady jumped out with my backpackβ.
One of our favourite former running jokes goes as follows: Pick anything in this world that is not a physical, spinning fan. Say the name of that thing followed by a short pause. Then say "not a fan". You and your dad-rades will be cracking up as confused lookers-on wonder why you hate basic human rights, yet love wind turbines.
Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.
We got back to the house and my nephew said...
Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.
Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?
Nephew: no. Is it still broken?
Me: yeah. Thereβs a big crack in it still.
He didnβt get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I donβt care.
Sadly, I could never get my jokes to land, and just kept crashing and burning on stage.
Him: Harrison Ford injured in crash landing of a piece of junk. Wondering if special modifications were contributing factor. Inquired about Chewbacca's condition. Nancy assured me this was a solo flight.
Me: you're the devil.
We're currently filming the pilot
