this makes me crabby
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blot_plot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What does Grandpa call Grandma when she's crabby?

Old Bae.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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I thought the ocean was crabby.

But it was just being a little salty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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I took a lobster out for dinner

When he saw the main course, he sure looked steamed!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luxara-VI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What do you call a Jewish crustacean?

A Crabbi.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squags
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Crabby Boss
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-gem-524
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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Crabby Joke

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edg0023
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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My friend Abbey told me that she's "heard them all" from "crabby Abbey" to Abi-one Kenabi. It's her birthday and I know we can do better.

Comment your best "Abbey" puns. Bonus points: her last name rhymes with "long". Or... dong, I guess. So.... long.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punnishment
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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What Mr. Crabs wears under his pants?

Crabby panties

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farquaadschin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Like, laterally.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Candlefrog_king
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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I once caught a fish with a hundred dollar bill in its mouth.

I know this story may sound a little fishy, some of you may even consider it a whale of a tale, but if you take it in tide I’m sure you’ll sea the porpoise isn’t me just beingkoi or * squidding* around or fishing for attention; it was shrimply an act of cod that I’m hooked on sharing with others. If it reely makes anyone crabby or puts me on thin ice, just let minnow and I’ll gladly clam up. I’d hate to see this sub flounder or take a dive because of my own shellfish ambitions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Minnow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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What do you call an annoyed lobster?

A frustacean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCraddingGuy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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Dad put us in a crabby mood.

We were watching a doco on swarms. There was a part on land crabs going to the sea for mating season.

Narrator: "But how do they get to the sea?"

Dad: "Sideways."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/metalbassist33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2014
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What happens when you eat too much seafood?

You begin to feel a little eel.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie ?

He was too far out man.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/colepatrick1111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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I am going to go to school to become a marine biologist at age 55...

I know it sounds fishy, but I really think it will help to be less crabby, get out out of my shell, and have a porpoise in life.

After all, the world is my oyster!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tripsteur
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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Why don't lobsters like to share?

Because they're shellfish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
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Why do shrimp never give anything to charity?
πŸ‘︎ 687
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toupeira
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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Why shouldn't you wake a crustacean up early in the morning?

They're always a bit crabby

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McKrabby7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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Trump misspeaking can lead to some interesting puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sherbetholmes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
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So two crabs are walking

And one crab says, "So Jim, how's the wife?"

The other crab says "You didn't hear? My wife died last week"

The first crab replies "Oh, I'm so sorry, it sucks that you are a widow now."

The crab says "No I'm not, I'm a crab."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xilef1111
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
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I saw an upset crustacean on the beach yesterday...

He was looking pretty crabby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morighant
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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Proud of my daughter

We were eating dinner at a local crab restaurant in Maryland when the baby at the table next to us started crying. My 8 year old looked at me and asked "daddy, do you think that baby is crabby?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nub98
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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Got the cast of a show I'm working on

During notes for a show I am working on, they mentioned something about pots and a character. In this context, they cook crabs, lobsters, and clams on stage.

Me- Well, that will certainly make Sue crabby.

They booed me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisisasubtext
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2015
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Got my wife

We have a new baby. It was bed time, and he woke up, and she was a little upset about it, he was tired and crabby.

I rubbed his head and kissed him thrice between the eyes, forcing a blink reflex, from which his eyes didn't open.

"I am the baby kiss-perer!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omrsafetyo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2014
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What do you call a Jewish crustacean?

A crabbi.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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