Come Saturday Morning Puns

The friar puts a sign outside that said ‘bell ringer wanted, tryouts Saturday morning’

Saturday morning rolls around, and there were three people lined up out front of the church waiting to try to ring the bell. A tall, muscular man, a skinnier, frail man, and an average sized man.

The friar took them all up one at a time and handed them the hammer to hit the church bells with.

The muscular man grabbed the hammer in one hand, slammed it into the bell, and nearly shattered both with the force behind the swing. The friar said that they’ll have to keep looking.

The frail man could barley pick up the hammer. He swung it pitifully, and managed to ting the bell. The friar just shook his head and chuckled, thanking the man for coming.

The average sized man refused the hammer. Before the friar could question it, the man reared his head back and slammed it into the bell, producing a ring of such pure tone and quality it brought a tear to the friar’s eye. While he was wiping the tear from his face, the man, stumbling from the impact of skull to bell, accidentally tripped and fell off the bell tower to his death.

Well, the townsfolk had heard the beautiful bell, and a small crowd had gathered beneath the bell tower around the man’s body.

Collectively, they said “Who is he Friar? What happened?”

The friar shook his head sadly and said

“I don’t know, but his face rings a bell”

BUT IT ISN’T OVER CAUSE THEY STILL NEED A BELL RINGEE ROUND TWO KIDDOS HERE WE GO!!

So the next morning, when the friar opened the doors in the morning, a man approached him and said “Friar, you don’t know me, but the man who died yesterday was my brother. I’d be honored if you’d let me ring the bell today in his honor.”

The friar nodded and let the new man up the bell tower, handing him the hammer.

With a nightly swing, the man slammed the bell, producing again a high quality ringing tone. Unfortunately, he slipped while off balance and fell off the bell tower too and died.

Again, people were gathered around and they all asked as one “Who is he, Friar, what happened?”

The friar looked at them all in turn and said “I don’t know, but he’s a dead ringer for his brother”

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!

Whats green and smells like bacon?  Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?  Kevin Bacon

If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries

Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.

Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.

What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.

Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.

What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.

How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.

What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.

What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.

What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.

First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.

Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.

If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper “Here comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost

I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon

If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?

This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.

If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.

I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.

My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.

When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr