I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank a lot and his wife said "if you ever come home drunk again, I'm going to leave you".
He went out to a pub and drank a lot and threw up all over himself, and said to his friend "If I come home like this my wife will leave me".
His friend said "I tell you what, go home and tell her somebody threw up over you and put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, show it to her and tell her he gave you this for the dry-cleaning bill."
He comes home and his wife see's him and is furious, but he jumps in "No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and gave me twenty-pound for the cleaning bill".
She said "well, why have you got two twenty-pound notes in your hand?" and he said "Oh the other one is from the man who shat in my pants".
