When do Santa's elves have their Christmas party?

On December twelfth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn't believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Friend of mine at work won a fishing pole and tackle box at the Christmas party.

He drives a mustang and was trying to figure out how to get it in his car.

Friend: β€œHow do I get this thing in my car? It’s almost as tall as I am!”

Me: β€œGuess you’re just gonna have to angle it.”

Friend and everyone in a 30 foot radius: -groan and facepalm-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Returningdarkness
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Why does only Rudolph get the Christmas themed parties?

Who wouldn't want to go to a Donner party?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamSchrute25
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Phil Swift had a Christmas Party

He calls it Flex Seal Navidad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Mariposa5487
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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The bane of Santa's Christmas Party

Rude elf the red-nosed drunkard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1nstrument
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
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What happens when the cops are called to a Christmas party?

Police Navidad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
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My son and I were stocking up for the Christmas party at our new rural home...

And on the way back, my son and I tortillaed through three bags of family size Doritos.

We would have pointed fingers at one another, but they were already in our mouths. Sucky situation, I know.

I turned the car around and said, "Son, now our mission is snackfued."

Salty from our spell of bad luck, we licked our lips and hightailed it back to Walgreens. I sent a MSG to my wife to tell her about the crunch we were in.

Many of our guests had already arrived when we finally returned, holding up our carb-earned trophies.

It was then that my son's friend complimented our modest country estate: "Cool Ranch!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuenaPisteada
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
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I was at a Christmas party that my dad's friend was throwing...

No one in attendance was under 55 when they dropped this bomb shell on each other:

My Dad: Hey Al, your dog is getting fat.

Al: He's on a sea food diet.

At this point all of the dads there jumped in and in perfect synchronization shouted: "See food and eat it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vaticancameos221
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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I'm going to display my candy cane collection for our family Christmas party this year...

After all, they're in mint condition...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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Neighbor Dad Joked the whole Christmas Party

Dad: Did you hear about the new crime wave happening in town?

Everyone: No! What is it?

Dad: People are breaking into houses stealing toilets.

Everyone: Wow, that is so weird. Who would do something like that and why?

Dad: Yeah the cops said they have nothing to go on.

Everyone: UGHHHH

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJDaCar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2014
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My uncle dropped this one during our Christmas party.

For context, my grandfather recently had eye surgery and now has to have medical drops applied every few hours. Near the end of the party, my grandma says that it was time to "dot his eyes." As soon as that's said, my uncle reminds them not to cross their t's, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retnuhs66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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Got everyone at the Christmas party

My uncle opened his gift, revealing a whisk. Stunned, as this is a bit of a strange gift, he looked up to the gift-giver and thanked them.

"Is it everything you whisked for?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrendanoHarns
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2015
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A family friend named Lance brought some fatherly flavour to my parents' last Christmas party

[my parents bickering like a married couple] My mom: don't get snippy! Lance: my hairdresser gets a bit snippy sometimes

Everyone else: good lord that was majestic

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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My Dad told one at a Christmas Party last night.

My Dad was discussing Black Friday deals with his friend and me.

Me: The entire store was 50% off of everything! Dad's Friend: That sounds like a great deal. Dad: Usually when I go to sales like that I end up coming out half naked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatBandit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2014
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Dad just got everyone at the family Christmas party

He's been sober for 9 years, and he's been sick lately. He was joking about the amount and frequency of Nyquil he's been taking.

Me: Gotta go to rehab for your Nyquil addiction now!

Him: Well, I gotta go to hab first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatMetalPanda
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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Dad joked my boss at work Christmas party

It was Tuesday night and we were at my work Christmas party when my boss comes to our table. Him: "The Sunday bar is open". Me: "But it's Tuesday". Him: "Look here, we don't need another smart ass. I have that position covered quite well". My mother(who normally is quit witted), "O_o I don't get it". My boss and me: -__-face palm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiaBrkl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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I was at a Christmas party with my dad.

There was a dog walking around the party and my dad looked at me and said:

What do you think a dog thinks about when it walks around a lot of people like this.....probably something like 'woof woof'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buellster92
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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What do Mexicans call it when cops show up at their Christmas party?

Police Navidad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elucify
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2016
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