What is the best type of music to listen to on Christmas eve?
Who do baby crabs send letters to at Christmas?
A classic Christmas movie
I want a new bum for Christmas
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
I gave my brother a hot dog for Christmas.
...I always knew that he would relish his gift.
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
What is the gardener's favourite Christmas carol?
Lettuce grow, lettuce grow, lettuce grow.
My coworkers are like christmas lights,
Half of them dont work and the other half arent that bright.
I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree
The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “hell no, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”
What's a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song?
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
What do you call a middle-Eastern man who doesn't like Christmas?
Merry Christmas everyone! (Repost from Facebook, Credits in the image)
An employee asks: "Can I have a week off around christmas?"
Boss: "Its may."
Employee: "Sorry, may I have a week off around christmas?"
I'm a big hit every year at Christmas when I tell the Usain Bolt joke.
Why did only one letter of the alphabet get a Christmas present?
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Mariah Carey is opening her Christmas present
And inside she finds a deed to an undeveloped plot of land that is zoned residential. Disappointed, she sets the deed down and says, "I don't want a lot for Christmas!"
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
Gingerbread house for Christmas
Have you heard they’re making Christmas themed tampons?
They’re for the festive period!
What do you type into a time machine if you want to go to Christmas?
Present Day.
I haven't tried it, but pretty sure it'll work.
What do Londoners get for christmas?
Have a holly Punny Christmas (oc)
Merry Christmas here's a ginger bread house.
My favorite Christmas breakfast is Eggs Benedict served on a hubcap.
There's no place like chrome for the hollandaise.
Painted a Christmas card for a friend who hates puns....
Christmas is getting a little punny around here this year
The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with this.
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.
Must be from my Uncle Ben.
So I brought a tree home for Christmas
My son saw the huge tree and asked, "Are you going to put i up yourself?"
I replied, "No son I'm going to put it up in the living room."
What do you call a blimp wrapped in Christmas lights?
I got my son a tire pump as a Christmas gift
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
The trail blazer lost his Christmas spirit.
How did Darth Vader know what Luke gave him for Christmas?
How did Darth Vader know what Luke gave him for Christmas?
Darth Vader knows what you’re getting for Christmas
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
What did Adam say the night before Christmas?
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