It’s a balancing act
I said you dont want these hands son.
Is that how you get your electrolytes?
Corn was a buccaneer.
I was very surprised that he responded : "Yes, because I am A Man!"
"Namaste."
So it's my dad and i, sitting the the car, he was driving and i was in the passenger seat. All of a sudden he seemed to slow down a little as if he was giving way to someone turning in. however there where no cars, and i could see him glaring out of the window at what seemed to be the nicest pair of jugs id ever seen. anyway i got pretty pissed and asked him what the hell he is doing? to which he replied : "Its ok to look at the menu, As long as you eat at home son"... i laughed so hard at this, and i'm pretty sure he wanted to make it obvious to "teach me some sort of lesson".
anyway thats my little bit of humor, not that anyone will probably care !
because hindsight is 20/20
"Ma'am, do you want this in your cart, or do you want us to baguette?"
I was checking out of my hotel this morning, and the receptionist was getting flustered trying to find our account.
I told her it was okay, we have all year.
...and my total came to $10.08. I pulled out a ten and asked my girlfriend, "Do you have any change?"
"How much do you need?"
"Eight cents."
"I have that in pennies."
"Can I just get a dime then?"
So she gives me a dime, and I pay for my stuff, and I say, "Looks like you'll get two cents back!"
"I don't want two pennies! Why would I want more pennies?"
"Change adds up! If you get two cents every week, you'll have over a dollar in just a year!"
"Why are you so adamant about giving me two cents?"
"I'm just giving you a piece of my mind."
I was ringing out a son and father at the register. I tell him his total is "seven forty seven" and the father replies "I didn't buy a plane!" and looks at his son to get a quick laugh, but his son wasn't having any of it. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold my laughter because i know this is a typical dad joke. But that's not the best part.
He swipes his credit card and reads the credit card reader out loud, "Sign Below". He ends up writing "BELOW" as his signature and says out loud to me and his son "It told me to sign 'Below' and so I did". His son responds with "Dad you are so embarrassing" and I'm chuckling out loud cuz I've never seen anyone do that the 3 years I've worked there lol
TL;DR Dad writes "Below" as his signature because he took it literally as any days would.
Brother in Law: We got that rocking chair off of craigslist for $50.
Dad: That chair rocks.
Everyone: :: ugh ::
My dad and I were checking out a Jawbone fitness tracker that my wife got today, when I asked:
Me: Where is the physical sync?
Dad: In the kitchen.
...buying supplies for a Sunday barbecue including a lot of ground beef.
Cashier: Oh! Looks like someone's having a barbecue.
Dad: Nope, just building a cow.
My BF clearly wants to be a dad. In Prage last week:
Me (to the waitress): Could we have the check please? BF: She already is a czech
Waitress look odd at us
