In class the teacher told me to stand up and talk about something I’m not good at begging with the letter C.

I chose spelling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrScotty15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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I was visiting D.C (from Baltimore) & took a yoga class. After class, the instructor said "Please come back, we'd love to have you again." I responded...

"namaste in Baltimore, thanks"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clickclickonsal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2017
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My son told me that boredom was killing him

So I signed him for self defence class

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spydercop69
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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We had a bit of an awkward moment at home a while back...

My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.

A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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A student baked a loaf of bread for foods class.

At the end of the class, his teacher returned the loaf and told him that he had gotten an A.

The student said: β€œThanks, that’s just what I kneaded.”

πŸ‘︎ 200
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DustyThunder11235
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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What's the most dangerous class in school?

Music Class. Too much violins.

My boyfriend actually came up with it this morning and I'm having a hard time believing it hasn't been said before. I tried looking it up in this subreddit and google and haven't found anything yet lol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilflower0205
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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Pun about computer

I am learning how to Excel in spreadsheets in my computer science class

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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A pun for my final protect title

Hello! I have to make a presentation about how to avoid a shark attack for a final project in my english class. I suck at making titles, but can anyone come up with a clever one using puns?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/impasta1212
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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I started a second job as a stargazing instructor

It’s going to be class-ified under moonlight

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epelep
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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I was talking to my offspring about classes I wanted to take in the fall.

I said I wanted to take more programming classes because I really liked the one I took last year.

My offspring tells me they can't take any computer classes.

Confused, I asked why.

"Because I'm non-binary"

True story, happened last night. I have never been so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ima420r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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Did you hear about the chemistry teacher who became upset?

Apparently he told a dad joke in class and it got no reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Why did Margarine get detention?

Everyone butter was on time to class.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/idontgiveAdam333
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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THE OTHER DAY I WAS SLEEPING IN CLASS...

so my angry teacher shouted at me:

-Isabel, why are you sleeping in class?

-And I answerd:

-Sorry teacher. I really feel like a bike.

Then the teacher asked:

-What do you mean by that?

-I'm two tired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joelcanciones
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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Worst prom night ever

I had to wait in line to get flowers for my date, then I had to wait forever to get a limo. When my date and I finally got to the dance there was a super long line for tickets. When we finally got in she asked me to get her a class of punch. I went over there but there was no punchline

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/northwoodsboi_762
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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My school had a big problem with drugs

Especially Class A

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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USPS Questions

Should tortillas be sent flat rate? Is armor headgear sent over knight? Is an addicts mail tracked? Is mail to Gold's gym sent bulk rate? Should mail to a school's kindergarten be sent 1st class? Should the IRS send return receipts? just wondering...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bolt470
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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What do you call a number that won't sit still??

A Roamin' Numeral.

(Apologies if it's an old joke. My daughter told me this today while doing online math class. THANKS COVID!!)

Everyone stay safe and healthy!

πŸ‘︎ 418
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πŸ‘€︎ u/josie4afg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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My 6th grade son was in a REALLY good mood after school today...

There was a new girl from Kentucky in his class. He asked her "how's the fried chicken?". Long story short she gave him her phone number. I'm so proud and still laughing πŸ˜†

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtyMSzombie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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What did the dentist say to the devil?

The power of crest compelles you!

came up with that in seminary class

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parzeen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Need help with puns.

So I have an english speaking DnD group and it’s not my native language so I have a hard time coming up with creative puns.

Next month we will have an adventure where they will all be turned into sushi’s. Do you have any puns for Paladin sushi’s or wizard sushi’s or any other class BUT that person is also a sushi?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobertCutter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)

Teacher: β€œSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: β€œNow I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: β€œOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, β€œnow see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I went to college to become a meteorologist but I quit because

too much of the grade was based on class precipitation.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SufficientVariety
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Little Johnny is in class on day

The teacher asks the class, β€œ there are five birds on a power line, and you shoot two of them, how many are left?”

Johnny replies, β€œ none the rest flew away when they heard the shot.”

The teacher says, β€œ no three are left but I like the way you think.”

So then Johnny says, β€œ let me ask you a question. There are three women eating ice cream, one licking it, one sucking it, and one biting it, which ones married?”

The teacher says, β€œ the one sucking?”

Johnny says, β€œ no the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnorakBeta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Gabe had a heavy load this semester

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

β€œIt’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. β€œI’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”

β€œWell, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.

β€œWhat are you talking about?” he yelped.

β€œYou know why, Gabe,” I said. β€œThose who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Need help figuring out a pun

My work uses punny names for all its example scenarios. Things like Dustin Dubree, Dora Jarr, Duane Pipes, etc.

One of them is David Jochim and no one in my class of 7 can figure this out.

So it’s either not a pun, or we’re dense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarcosanAnarchist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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What happens if you drink too much history?

European History.

H/t Mr Miller from 1982. This was how he started class.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwhitnee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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"Okay, I did learn one interesting thing," Gabe admitted.

He was finally doing the reading for his history class. "Did you know that Bin Laden was planning to blow up monuments in other American cities?"

"I bet St. Louis was next on his list," I nodded.

"How'd you know that, Dad?" he asked in surprise.

"Well, he was our arch-enemy."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Today's class

Me: What's today's Criminology class on?

Friend: Cannibals.

Me: (gasps) A Hannibal Lecture!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiftymcnoggin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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My calculus professor was 16 minutes late to his first class, 8 minutes late to his second, and 4 minutes late to the third.

At this rate, he will never be in class on time.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Got played by my niece the other day

I was on the couch, visiting with family. My niece is about 2 or 3. She grabs my hand and says "Ewwwwwwwwwww"

Confused, I responded "Eww?"

And as if on cue, she looks down and spits directly into my palm, with a small piece of food for good measure.

Ah...."Eww."

Her dad sitting next to me on the ps4 looks over and asked what happened. I explained what happened and we both laughed. I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. It wouldn't surprise me if she becomes a stand up comic one day, or at least the class clown.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcofromda510
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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My son is too smart

He's the top of his kindergarten class. Next week i will buy something special for is upcoming 21st birthday.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I really miss drama class...

...it was the only class where I didn't get in trouble for acting up

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord-Wombat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I think I had my first dad joke moment

I was driving my daughter (10F) to her dance class. Although we have taken this route countless times before and she never said a word about it before, she did this time and said as she was looking out the window while driving by a particular area, "Why would anyone build a daycare next to a cemetery?"

Without thought, I said "I don't know, but I bet their neighbors are quiet"

There was a second or two pause and then she said "Daaaaaaad."

My chest puffed up with pride for several miles as I thought I had just crossed the line into Dad Jokedom!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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Just Dad Joked my Geology Class

While learning about atoms, my instructor said that covalent bonds were the strongest bonds. I said, "I always thought Sean Connery was the strongest Bond." So many groans. I could feel the eye rolls. I love being the old guy in class.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TingleSack
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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I almost failed out of cosmetology school.

So I had to take a few makeup classes.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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My pregnant wife went back to school.

When she came home I asked her which class she was in. She told me "They gave me C-Section."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shivank1402
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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Plant/Music Puns

I am looking for some sort or plant/gardening puns from famous song lyrics for a class assignment such as:

You can grow your own way

-or-

Don't grow so close to me

Any help?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fornicaked
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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College offers some questionable class choices, but o you know which one is the most sketchy?

Art class: Pencil Drawing 101

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Just another viral rant.

All right reddit, I have to get this off my chest. I’m absolutely SICK of this pandemic. Everywhere I go, I’m constantly being PESTERED to wipe down surfaces and sanitize my hands. It’s a complete infestation of my personal space!

Let’s face it, our ailing democratic rights have taken a huge hit. And this is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, our ruling class seems totally impaired! We are being totally ill-informed by people who claim they know everything about this disease.

For example, this whole situation has been plagued with problems since the beginning! It’s a scourge on what’s left of humanity.

So I say, it’s time to break out of the shackles and seize our lives back! We need to combat this virus that flew around the world with everything we’ve got. Because this lock down is bugging the hell out of me! This is a cold call to do your part. The health of our society depends on it!

Happy quarantine, everyone!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daloonik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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This pun made my friend not want to talk to me for a day

Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.

At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).

I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.

It went something along the lines of this:

DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.

Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.

DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.

Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.

DM: Well, yeah maybe.

And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.

Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.

A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.

I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"

We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asurarkt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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I can’t remember what I majored in at college.

I skipped classes to some degree.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Pun Request!!!

Hey all! I'm writing a play for my third grade class all about healthy habits and it's full of TV parodies. One show is Game of Thrones. For example, one character is Jon Snowpea. Can you guys help me come up with some food or exercise puns for the full title of Danaerys: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name,Β The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms,Β Breaker of ChainsΒ andΒ Mother of Dragons”. Thanks!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllieBallie22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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My math professor was late 16 minutes for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.

πŸ‘︎ 222
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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