One day, my buddy and I were playing a game of cribbage and I was far ahead of him. He told me β€œMan, you are on fire.”

I shouted back at him β€œThen put me out already!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlipperyRoads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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My gaming buddy who works at Walter Reed told that he knows who the impostor is

He told me he "saw orange vented".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GasDoves
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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My sister has become king of the dad jokes

So we're in the car driving to the airport and my dad's talking about his buddy Terry. Terry was in some small movie and my dad was commenting that he played both the referee in a footy game, and then it cut to a shot of the crowd and THERE WAS TERRY. My dad goes "I mean, he could have at least put a different shirt on to create the illusion he was someone else. How silly of him!"

My sister says "You should be real careful dad, you shouldn't make fun of him. You can die from dissin' Terry"

Cue groans and laughter, and my dad conceding the apprentice has surpassed the master.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pocketnotebook
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
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Dropped this bomb on my buddy today...

Little autocorrect issues helped me drop this bomb on my buddy while we were texting

Me: Do you watch game of thrones?

Him: Nah I don't. I've watched the first few episodes, but that's about Iran

Him: It***

Me: Iraqen you should watch a few more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeeshlaw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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Bear Hands

I'm proud of this one...

My family was visiting friends for a night of Monopoly. We ended a game and were setting up for another when I got up to get a beer for myself and my buddy. We prefer Dos, which doesn't twist off, so I had to use a bottle opener. Enter my 9 year old . . .

"Dad, why don't you use your bare hands to open that bottle?"

He looked up at me with eyes that sought answers and basic truths, not knowing what was about to hit him. I almost felt bad, while trying to hold back a smile, knowing what I was about to say.

"Because I don't have bear hands", followed by the most dad-like laughter possible.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/triplers120
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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Dad Joke Vegas Style!

So we were playing Craps in Vegas and my buddy kept betting on 8 and kept winning. I looked over at him and said,

"Looks like somebody is on their eight game tonight!!"

As usual, I was the only one chuckling.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j_ohhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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Winter is coming

Me and a buddy were talking Game of Thrones and I finished off the convo with "Winter Is Coming". My dad over hearing us talking looked over at me and says "No, did you forget? Winter died last month." (Our neighbor Mrs Winter died recently)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HDRed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
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