Why do Russian astronauts only drink black coffee?

Because in space, no one here use cream

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📅︎ Oct 10 2019
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Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

👍︎ 7k
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📅︎ Mar 05 2020
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Why did the coffee get arrested?

Someone called the cups. They took his mug shot.

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👤︎ u/Sand_Pip3r
📅︎ Oct 16 2020
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This mug from BBC weather
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👤︎ u/siliconmac
📅︎ Jun 22 2019
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I like my women like I like my coffee

I’ve never had coffee but it smells nice.

👍︎ 1k
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📅︎ Jun 01 2018
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Asked my boss how her morning was going.

Me: Hey boss how's the morning going?

Boss: Good except I just dropped coffee all over the floor.

Me: You know, that's not why they're called coffee grounds.

Boss: Glaring Intensifies

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👤︎ u/paisano66
📅︎ Jul 27 2016
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My Vietnamese driver told me several riddles yesterday, do you know what they were?

First off a six-parter

  1. If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
  2. How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
  3. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
  4. All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
  5. A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
  6. As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.

No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?

A: he was wearing a naval uniform.

Anyone know similar nonsense?

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👤︎ u/Patyboomba
📅︎ Sep 21 2019
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I like coffins the same way I like my coffee,

Under ground

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📅︎ Nov 27 2018
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So my dad took my sister and I through a coffee shop drive through...

Dad: we'll get a black coffee, a hot chocolate, and a green tea. Drive through attendant: would you like anything in the green tea? Dad: no, just green.

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📅︎ Dec 30 2018
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While Watching the Olympics...

While watching the Olympics, my mom saw a black athlete that she figured was from Russia. She remarked... >"Oh, I didn't know there were Black Russians."

My dad replied in a matter-of-fact tone, without missing a beat... >"Yea, you just don't add the cream."

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📅︎ Feb 19 2014
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When you work at a restaurant, you're humor gets dumbed down to dad joke level.

So, my table was ordering their drinks and the father of the table ordered by saying, "I'll have a coffee and a water. Black please." I responded, "we don't have black water here, sir." I am still ashamed.

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👤︎ u/P_Cray
📅︎ May 28 2014
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I always keep an empty milk bottle in the fridge.

Just in case anyone wants a black coffee.

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📅︎ Nov 02 2016
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President Obama and Enrique Peña meet.

Enrique Peña: Want coffee, black? Obama: I'll take a beer, Indio.

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👤︎ u/icantagree
📅︎ Jun 27 2014
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