“Birkheart.”
Birkheart Mir pulled his attention away from the swirling dregs of his coffee, and looked up at Head Ambassador Nao. She was the leader of his diplomatic delegation, a tall, pale woman that seemed to radiate a constant air of authority around her, commanding the attention of all in sight. Still, she wasn’t unpleasant to be around, not like that damned Finas.
“We’ve been summoned.”
He sighed, standing up from his spot at the long metal table. They had arrived at the Nüwa Spaceport roughly five hours ago, after months of spaceflight, and had been unceremoniously told to wait by a contingent of androids, being seated in a small cafe area. Though, he thought, from the scenic overview of the spaceport, he couldn’t help but admire the Martian architecture. Great, sweeping curves and flexible, bending frames comprised the majority of their great, domed city, shining with the gleaming white of Martian alloys and the orange markings of their banner. Truly, the entire city was a marvel of engineering and architecture, one that Earth could learn from.
Still, he wasn’t here to admire the Martian aesthetic choices or ingenuity. He was here on possibly the most important diplomatic mission in all of human history: Re-establishing contact with Mars and its cities, to try and convince them to rejoin Earth. The problem was, the Martian people were likely very reluctant to rejoin their mother planet, given past events.
Nearly three thousand years ago, Earth and its prosperous colony of Mars had launched into a civil war, the original cause of which has been lost to history. Some speculated it had to do with independence, some said it was a cause of harsh sanctions and policies. What is known, however, was the destructive magnitude of it. The absolute devestation that befell both planets as interplanetary missiles and rockets rained upon their surfaces killed tens of millions, with hundreds of millions more dying of the fallout and resource scarcities. Mars' population was nearly rendered extinct, but the remnants were too well entrenched, too well fortified to bomb out. And so in the end, a strenous peace had been struck between the two planets, with Mars declaring its formal independence and cutting all communications from its former benefactor nearly a year after.
And that's how life had been from then on. Earth, however war-torn and ravaged, kept spinning, people recovered and cities rebuilt. The Great Terran-Martian War was dedicated to the history
... keep reading on reddit ➡Alien-Nation Chapter 82: Entente
Hello all. Work has been busy, I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. I'm aware this chapter isn't quite in straight-chronological order, but this was done by design- I have to cut back a few minutes when I jump to Elias's perspective- and more on that at the end. For now, I hope you enjoy this chapter. [Hi kids, do you like violence?]
"You may not have any reason to trust or believe me, but I need your help.”
Amilita knew the voice well from studying his propaganda films.
“And why should I help you?” The audio tape device continued whirring, and an answer was not forthcoming. Amilita realized it was just a recording, not a live signal.
“You may not believe helping me is in your best interests, and will reject my offer out of hand. But consider my deeds so far: I have executed traitors to mankind’s best interests, spoken nothing but truth in all my broadcasts, and have killed a predatory governess who trafficked children, a slaver by any other name. I performed the deed of killing her with my own hands, as would you if she had taken your own son, and then providence gave you the chance to make vengeance where time could never restore what was lost.”
Amilita had to admit he was right. Nothing would have stood in her way if anyone had kidnapped her son. She glanced over at the static hologram on her desk. Her son had just turned five, and he was opening presents while surrounded by his sisters. She watched the image change to one of him reaching for a fruit on a vine while riding on her husband’s shoulders, both of them smiling warmly. But…how had he even known she had a son? Adopting those new communication protocols at the base was looking wiser and wiser, even if they’d led to the disaster today. The chances of a sympathizer were low, but she’d seen women do a lot of stupid things to win over a male.
“*I am not a monster, Lieutenant Colonel Amilita. I am a man of my word. So when I say that I wish these hostages to be returned unharmed, and that I will honor any agreement we come to, you know that I will
... keep reading on reddit ➡3 Days Later
Sylpeiros nodded towards the Reviton civilians as he passed by them on the streets, a resolute expression on his face. He gave several more resolute nods to his direct subordinates as he entered the Reviton Defense Force's main base of operations. He kept nodding resolutely all the way until he reached his personal quarters, whereupon he collapsed into his chair – like a puppet with its strings cut – and closed his eyes.
Tiring, he thought. So tiring. Every day I feel more like a show horse brought out and trotted among the public for their amusement.
The sensation was unfamiliar and unwanted. Putting on a strong front for the public didn't used to weigh on him to this degree. Even the transitory excitement of finally leveling from 74 to 75 had faded all too quickly. Then again, he'd never needed to bear the brunt of their expectations for such a long period of time. Months of isolation under a siege of hellish abominations was fraying on everyone's nerves, his included.
Their only saving grace was that, of late, the abominations' attacks had weakened. The first turning point came about when Sylpeiros expunged the nearby Dungeon; his scholars' theory that the Dungeon was connected to the Blight in some fashion ended up being correct. Afterwards, the frequency with which those twisted creatures materialized out of the ambient mana surrounding Reviton lessened. The second turning point was far more recent, occurring just three days ago. For no discernible reason, every Blight-sired abomination simultaneously froze in the middle of combat, expressions of shocked confusion plastered onto their faces. They stood perfectly still as they were butchered, and since then, even fewer were forming than before.
Sylpeiros hadn't the faintest idea of why, but he wasn't going to spurn a much-needed reprieve. Mages and scholars would figure out the cause – his purpose was to slay enemies and nod resolutely.
And to engage in unwanted conversation. Sylpeiros allowed himself fifteen minutes of rest before dragging himself over to the Message Crystal tucked away in the corner of his room. Nothing would come of this correspondence, of that he was certain, but it was his duty as Seneschal to try regardless. With a pained grimace, he activated the Message Crystal, used it to contact the adjoining Crystal in Dragonkin territory, and waited.
Forty fucking minutes later, someone finally answered. "Hello?" A voice said, sounding haggard. "Who is this?"
... keep reading on reddit ➡Snow was falling when we skidded into the police station parking lot. The yellowish lights spilling in its doors and windows were the only lights still on in the tiny town Halleck’s Point. My girlfriend Roxanne had much more experience with Search and Rescue than I did, and so it was she who lifted the sleeping child from our backseat and carried him into the tiny station to offer our grim report. Still exhausted from my harrowing experience in the winter woods, I limped in after her and tumbled into the first chair I saw.
The first thing we heard was a low, visceral moan.
“Bryce!” Carmen burst from the back office to throw her arms around her child. Bryce struggled grumpily as Carmen held him to her chest, sobbing. The boy had been missing for over 72 hours; considering the freezing weather and cruel terrain, I suspect even his mother had given up hope.
“He’s probably a little hungry and dehydrated, but he mostly seems alright.” Roxanne informed her. He then leaned around her, directing her next words to the Sheriff. “He’ll need to be checked for frostbite, among other things.”
“Amos?” Sheriff Macauly asked gruffly.
“The Deputy didn’t make it. Searchers Simar Patel and Evan Pickett are also missing.”
“Jee-zus!” Macauly leaned back in his worn-out rolling chain and stroked his stubble. “My department isn’t prepared to handle this. Hell, my department wasn’t prepared to handle one missing kid! I’m gonna hafta call this in. Carmen, honey…you think you can run lil Bryce over to the hospital yourself?” Carmen nodded, still too choked up to speak. As she left, Roxanne put a hand on her shoulder.
“No stops.” I heard my girlfriend murmur. “Straight to the hospital. I know it looks bad out there, but don’t pick up any hitch-hikers–no matter who they are.”
“Uhhh…okay? Well…thank you both again. Once things are calmer, Abbey and I would love to do something special to show our appreciation. You saved our son’s life!” With a last concerned look over her shoulder at us, Carmen with her son vanished into the night.
“I’m sorry, “ Sheriff Macauly sighed, “but I’m gonna hafta ask you folks to head back to wherever you’re staying as well. Don’t think we’re not grateful. You heard the woman: that boy’s alive and well cuz of you all. But things are abo
... keep reading on reddit ➡The elevator shudders through the darkness on its descent, waves of narrow light washing over us as we drop down through the earth, until at last it comes to a stop on Level -4.
The doors hiss and dutifully slide open, and we tumble out as a three and into the darkness.
“Holy hell” James mutters, putting a hand on his head, then throwing it out into the dark. “FUCK!”
“Yeah”, I reply quietly, as Maya tries to stifle sobs just behind us. She wipes a sleeve across her eyes.
Then we don’t say anything for a while. We just process, and look around.
We appear to be in some sort of lobby. A ‘transitional’ place, I guess, not much feature to it. There’s the water cooler, and some chairs, and there’s a vending machine in here too. Not much left in it, though. Upon closer inspection I realize that the ‘door’ has been cracked off its hinges. It looks like it could swing right open. A corridor leads away just ahead and round a corner.
…It’s warmer down here. More humid.
“So you guys weren’t screwing around then about that ghost”, James says eventually.
“No”, I reply. “Of course we weren’t”.
“So we really are going to have to find another way out then. We have no choice”.
“Come on”, I say to him, to both of them. “Are you ready? We should keep going”.
“Right”, he replies. He reaches over and squeezes Maya’s hand, a gesture she seems to appreciate. “Let’s keep going”.
We head through the little room and round the corner.
…I don’t know what I was expecting to find down here on level -4, but it wasn't what I’m seeing now.
The corridor opens up into a wide hall. To the right is a collection of office spaces, empty meeting rooms and whiteboards with glass walls. Not so many computers down here. The screens are fewer, and built into walls well clear of the floor.
The floor itself is tiled. All of it. Ahead, and to the left of the office space, is an enormous pool. And as with the level above, is lit eerily in green. There are machines fixed into the pool’s edges- I’m not sure what they are- though one looks like it could be a wave generator.
I walk over to the waters’ edge, to the gentle lapping against the side. Not entirely still.
The pool goes pretty deep down. It’s difficult to say due to the warped perspective and gungy col
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
I guess the concept didn't work
I didn’t believe Aiden when he told me about the job. 45 an hour no prior training, and part-time. It was almost a perfect situation for me while I finished up the last of my online college classes. The only problem was that it was in the middle of the woods at a place called the gentleman’s sorcery society.
We drove out to the specified location only to find roads didn’t go out that far. After half an hour of stumbling through the forest as Aiden failed to read google maps, we finally spotted something.
In the middle of the evergreens stood a gray wooden single-story house with a concrete fence sticking out from either side. That looked out of place in the forest but wasn’t particularly strange. What was strange was the massive oak with a treehouse situated within its branches rising behind the concrete fence. As I stared at this unusual architectural construction I also noticed two men standing on either side of the porch.
“You think that's the sorcery society,” Aiden said giving a halfhearted wave to the men.
Strangely neither waved back. They continued standing motionless their backs against the house like sentries. I felt a shiver run up my back. “Hello?” Aiden said waving both his hands above his head.
The two men remained frozen. Part of me wanted to turn away and yet I had to know. Why were they standing there like that?
“Maybe they're like the queen's guard or something?” Aiden said, “I mean-“
“I need to see what’s going on,” I said walking forward towards the house.
“Dude wait…”
I didn’t listen. When something's bothering me I need certainty. As I approached them they looked even more off. The way this stood was too stiff with their bodies holding nearly the same position and their heads facing slightly downwards. The only movement was their hair in the wind. And their faces. Something was very wrong. These men weren’t living people.
“Oh goddammit!” Aiden laughed. “They're just mannequins.”
I let out a sigh of relief. He was right. Two plastic dummies dressed in cargo shorts and gray t-shirts stood backs to the wall of the gray house. Still fucking creepy but at least they weren’t dead. As I examined the porch further I saw a circle painted to the door with the letters GSS inscribed in the middle of a seven-sided star. There was also a small piece of paper taped below.
“Job applicants please go inside.”
I looked back at the shadowy trees behind us and the stationary mannequins. Hopefully, there would at least be a living person in
... keep reading on reddit ➡She pulled that face at me again in the reflection of the window above the kitchen sink. It was 6:17 PM and we had just eaten dinner. It was dark. Mom was washing the dishes with her back turned to me. Her reflection glowed against the darkness of the outside.
Her lips were rolled back to reveal gum and teeth. Her jaw muscles rippled under wrinkled skin. The corners of her mouth yanked upwards to form a snarling smile. Her eyes bulged from their sockets as if ready to burst.
“Mom, please stop. You’re scaring me,” I said.
She turned around, her face exasperated but otherwise back to normal - her lips downturned and her tired blue eyes gazing at me with the usual mix of confusion and sadness. She thinks I’m acting out because of the divorce as if I’m too young to understand when two people have grown to hate each other. At least I’ll be able to sleep without hearing their shouts.
I told Mom that I think she’s having a breakdown because of the divorce. We bickered. I grabbed my laptop and stormed off towards my room. She went back to scrubbing the burnt scum off a frying pan. For a moment, I thought she was crying but the smile in the window told me otherwise. I first noticed The Face at 9:08 AM. We were in the car on the way to swimming lessons when I realized that I’d forgotten my cap. It’s a cardinal sin to forget your gear, especially when your mom is the instructor. Her bulbous eyes glared at me through the rearview mirror as she told me what a useless little girl I was. There was nothing funny about what she said, so I couldn’t understand why she was pulling that twisted smile at me.
At 9:23 AM, her hand was locked around my wrist as she dragged me through the empty promenade of the Oakville Mall. She had this curt power-walk that sent clicking sounds echoing around the shuttered stores. I think she learnt it from one of her DVDs that came through the mail - the ones with smiling men in bad tan and cheap suits on the cover. They had titles like BE THE BOSS and FOLLOW YOUR POWER.
Eventually, the SportyWear sign swerved into view. It was the only place that still seemed open. Mom didn’t want to risk being recognised at a discount store. As if the teenager behind the counter or the fat demented old lady wandering the aisles would know who she was. Like anyone would know who she was, I thought as she sent me inside with a few bucks.
The white fluorescent lights immediately gave me a headache and the stench of synthetic fabric made my mouth taste funn
... keep reading on reddit ➡As Eve cautiously swung the door open to the Maple St. Bakery, she braced herself for anything. Preston stayed close, ready to blast her with healing should the need arise. Alex stood guard out on the street, her shield raised and ready to repel the forces of the third hell itself should they come to stop them.
Lumy floated above it all, glowing an amused pink.
The bakery’s one patron—a well-dressed man sitting at a table with a muffin and a mug of tea—glanced curiously up at the strangely tense adventurers before returning to his book. Eve stepped past him up to the counter.
She kept one hand at her side and one on the hilt of her club, glancing suspiciously left and right for any signs of incoming foul play. Nobody jumped out at her. The building didn’t spontaneously combust. The Baker didn’t mysteriously vanish. He simply spoke. “Hi, what can I get you?”
Eve’s jaw tensed. Her grip tightened. Her heart sped as adrenaline coursed through her. There could be no telling what was about to happen. Prepared to do anything from Jetting out of the place at mach two to Defying an eldritch ritual, Eve spoke the most dangerous words to ever escape her mouth.
“I’d like a loaf of bread, please.”
The man hissed. “Rotten luck, that. I take it you don’t know, then?”
Eve blinked. “Know what?”
“The flour shortage,” the Baker explained. “You can’t get your hands on the stuff.”
Eve scowled, glancing down at the display case full of pastries before her. “What about all this stuff? Pastry dough has flour in it.”
“Not these, they don’t,” the man said. “There’re some flour substitutes the alchemist’s guild has come up with, but they don’t hold their shape the same. Only works for flat pastries and frying, and even then the taste’s not the same. Rotten for business,” he nodded over to the singular customer in the large bakery.
As Eve glanced back at the man, a thought struck. “What about the muffins?” She nodded her head towards the basket of fresh muffins atop the counter. “Those don’t look flat or fried, and clearly someone’s enjoying them.”
The Baker cast a furtive glance to his customer before leaning in and beckoning Eve to do the same. “I didn’t bake ‘em,” he whispered. “I know a guy who sells ‘em, and I’ve been reselling them at cost to try and keep my customer base alive until this shortage ends.”
Having decided tha
... keep reading on reddit ➡Game Information
Game Title: Forza Horizon 5
Genre: Racing, open world
Platforms: Xbox Series S/X, Xbox One, PC
Media: E3 2021 Announce Trailer | E3 2021 Gameplay Demo
Developer: Playground Games ^(Info)
Developers' HQ: Leamington Spa, England
Publisher: Xbox Game Studios
Price: Standard - $59.99 USD Contents
Deluxe - $79.99 USD
Premium - $99.99 USD
Also on Game Pass
Release Date: Premium: November 5, 2021
Standard / Deluxe: November 9, 2021
More Info: /r/forza | Wikipedia Page
Review Aggregator:
OpenCritic - 92 | 100% Recommended [Cross-Platform] Score Distribution
MetaCritic - 92 [XSX]
MetaCritic - [XB1]
MetaCritic - 91 [PC]
Hoarsely arbitrary list of past Forza games -
| Entry | Score ^(Platform,) ^(Year,) ^(#) ^(of) ^(Critics) |
|---|---|
| Forza Motorsport | 92 ^(XB, 2005, 73 critics) |
| Forza Motorsport 2 | 90 ^(X360, 2007, 66 critics) |
| Forza Motorsport 3 | 92 ^(X360, 2009, 90 critics) |
| Forza Motorsport 4 | 91 ^(X360, 2011, 83 critics) |
| Forza Horizon | 85 ^(X360, 2012, 83 critics) |
| Forza Motorsport 5 | 79 ^(XB1, 2013, 76 critics) |
| Forza Horizon 2 | 86 ^(XB1, 2014, 85 critics) |
| [Forza Motorsport 6](https://www.metacritic.com/game/xbox-one/for |
First of all, Legion of the Damned as a novel is metal AF. Aside from the Warp-spawned Imperial daemon Astartes from the book's title, it also featuresa Khornate Blood Crusade called the Cholercaust that follows around a comet named after Euphrati Keeler, while the first third of the book is all about the famous Feast of Blades held between all the Imperial Fist Legion's successor chapters. There's so much happening in this novel, it's worth a read especially if you're an Imperial Fists fan.
Second, it's also the first time I've heard about The Darkness, a psychic-spiritual affliction of one Imperial Fists successor chapter, the Excoriators, rooted in Dorn's tremendous loss from failing to protect the Emperor against Horus. Maybe it's not that famous because it doesn't affect the entire gene-line of the Imperial Fists like the Red Thirst/Black Rage for the Blood Angels, but I enjoyed learning about this malady and how it intersects with the Dorn line's relationship with pain and suffering. The Excoriators despise it as a sign of weakness in the individual, and it reflects their fear of failure.
We start to learn about it through an Apothecary and Company Captain discussing how it affected their Chapter Scourge aka Champion, Zachariah Kersh, in the middle of a pivotal battle. This led to recriminations against him because of the tragic consequences of him succumbing to the Darkness (won't spoil the plot further):
>‘Can the Scourge be made fit for anything, let alone battle?’
>‘I believe so. We are pure of hearts but not of blood. As part of a former Legion and now as a Chapter, we are not alone in our experience of genetic deficiency. The Wolves and the Angels, as well as the brethren of future Foundings, carry the flaws of their blood heritage on to new generations,’ the Excoriators Apothecary explained. **‘When the Darkness takes one of our number, it might appear to us a wretched palsy: the slackness of the jaw, the tremor of the limb, the blankness of the eye. But those who survive it report the experience as a living nightmare, a sleeping wakefulness in which they relive the bottomless woe of Dorn’s most trying time – the grievous loss of our Father-Emperor, at least as we knew him. This is both our father’s genetic blessing and his curse to his sons. To know the possibility – for even a second – of an Imperium without the Emperor. To feel what Dorn felt. The profound misery
... keep reading on reddit ➡The Harlequin show 'mercy'. Grace and Alan have a little explaining to do.
The rest of the series can be found here
***
Mjrrr huddled in her cage clutching her son.
Not that long ago, the K@sir station came under attack and from what she could tell, it was, in complete defiance of all suspension of disbelief, falling…
...and falling quickly.
Something was tearing the mighty C@gr’an apart.
How did they get past their massive fleet? This station was in orbit above their very homeworld!
The market was abandoned save for the slaves themselves, abandoned in their display cages or left shackled along a wall or at one trader’s shop or another.
Why would they leave them?
Who were they leaving them to?
A hatch opened from deeper inside the station and brightly dressed humans with strangely painted faces charged in…
She didn’t know much about them. Only that there were a few of them among the unfortunates in this market.
They seemed like a nice people, though. One even shared some food with her son even though he was clearly hungry himself.
She felt hope for the first time in a very long while. She recalled that the human that shared his food said that his people hated slavery. Maybe they were liberators?
The humans were shouting and barking in some strange guttural, sibilant, alien sounding tongue as they moved impossibly quickly across the large market, many leaping, flipping, or cartwheeling as they did so.
Groups ran over to the cages and groups of chained slaves.
They were going to be freed!
She looked over at the nice man who had shared his food who was in the same large cage with her expecting to see joy on his face…
...There was no joy…
only… Terror
Moments later, one of the humans tossed a small cube in front of their cage which flashed and surrounded them with swirling, glowing holographic walls.
As soon as they were concealed, the human approached her.
He was trembling?
“Ste’hen?” she asked. “What is...”
He touched her arm, a signal to be silent, as he brought his head close to hers.
“Mjrr...” he whispered as he pressed something into her palm.
It was sharp!
She glanced down to see a small piece of… something… ground to an edge… A weapon!
“Ste’hen, what is this?” she asked in alarm. A weapon was grounds for the most severe of punishments. Where did he even get it?
“It’s for your boy,” he said grimly.
“My boy?” Mjrr whispered in conf
... keep reading on reddit ➡Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
No one has heard from humanity in over a century.
The final day before their disappearance, they were in final negotiations to become associate members with the Galactic Community. It was a fairly routine first contact with their species, who seemed fairly routine as a species as well: carbon based bipeds, although slightly smaller and weaker than most other species in the Galaxy. They weren't the most intelligent, that would go to the Davos Empire. Nor were they the most beautiful, which so happened to be the insectoid Ghrxrxhi on Rhxyyxhea Prime - my species, of course.
But humanity was there. They survived blowing each other up with nukes in wars and mostly destroying their planet by burning dead animal matter to enrich a handful of humans at the expense and misery of the rest of them. They survived and took to the stars - as long as they didn't try blasting away at us, we were more than happy to welcome the weirdly hairy people to our community.
So there I was, one of the diplomats repping the GC part of the negotiations to let the stinky, sweaty mammals into our community. I was twitching my antenna in irritation of sitting for hours at the table, hoping my dashing good looks would just seal the deal already, when the door slides open and a human runs over to their head diplomat and whispers something ugly into their ear.
Whatever was said was important enough for their head diplomat, a tall, slightly less stinky human named Karen to immediately stand up and address the room:
"Gentle species, friends of the Galactic Community. I apologize for this, but something has unfortunately come up on our home planet".
Karen paused to sigh and gather her thoughts. "As you recall, we were trying to work out the logistics of corralling 100 odd states into one planet wide government. Negotiations on that front have broken down, possibly into hostilities. It would not be proper to continue our association process until we have resolved this situation.
Twitching in frustration, I jumped out of my seat and waved 6 of my appendages in anger. "This is an outrage Karen! We've been at this for months, and you want to pull out now? I demand to speak to your manager!"
Oddly, this caused some snickering to happen within the human delegation. I don't see what was funny about the situation at all. Thankfully, given the glares of death Karen was putting out to them as well, neither did she. After some further apologies, the delegation of stinky mammals left with a fi
... keep reading on reddit ➡My breath clouds, and I shiver as I make my way down the long passageway into the annex.
A young man- one of the new soldiers- opens the door ahead and holds it for me, standing to the side to let me pass. I nod at him in thanks and step through; the next segment of the corridor is colder than the last.
Where before there were only white walls and quietly bubbling cylinders of water, there are now subtle and swirling mists down by our feet. Frost lines the glass and the scientists in here are all adorned in thick coats and boots.
I zip up the front of my own coat and wish I’d done as requested, and worn more layers.
The conversation between the scientists ahead of me is quickly frozen out, and soon the only sound becomes the gentle backing breeze of the filters, the taps of our shoes against the ground, and the distant echo beyond the icy walls.
In the next segment of the annex the walls are literally ice, and the breeze of the filter, whilst still subtle, is sharp and bitter against my skin. Arctic to the bone.
My place of work is dissimilar to most others. We house Objects here. Supernatural or generally sense-defying items of particular anomaly. Objects that we cannot prove even originated in our plane. And down here, in this annex, we keep the ones that require a certain temperature.
As we descend down a series of steps into the blueish haze of the annex I clench and unclench my fingers to encourage the warm blood-flow. All the scientists are wearing masks and goggles, I look around to see if I can recognise any, but it’s mostly impossible to tell who they are.
Ahead, between the walls of ice, an off-shooting passageway branches suddenly to the right, and our little group moves to head down it.
I linger a little at the back, looking to my left as we pass by a plexiglass wall built into the ice, and the shining placard there that reads: ‘Object 44’ catches distinctly in the light. Behind the glass is a roughly room-sized, low-ceilinged cavern- and in the centre is the containment room’s namesake: Object 44.
Object 44 is not dangerous. It is not kept under lock and key and indeed, the plexiglass simply ends before it reaches the opposite wall of ice, meaning that there isn’t even any door separating the Object from the main walkway. Glancing ahead down the corridor after my fellow scientists, I take a quick second to creep into the Object’s enclosure. It’s kept down here simply because of the temperature; it only operates if it’s sufficie
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Chapter Thirty-Three
Slip slid the door of the shuttle open roughly, allowing the flood of sunlight to enter the rear cab. They were all dressed in their combat armor, their small duffel bags of belongings on the floor and weapons in their laps.
With an odd sense of deja-vu, Adam gazed down at the city that he had only ever seen during their day in the sim pods on Fel’yara. The city of Creantauri stretched to the horizon, the glistening purple of the higher-end portions of the city flanked by the multicolored - but still mostly purple - dwellings of the poor hovels many of the lower-class denizens occupied.
“How’s it feel to be home?” He asked over comms to Slip.
“Fuckin' wrong!” Came the staticky reply. “Part of the reason I signed on was to get off this fuckin' rock!”
“Only part?” Asked Grim sarcastically as the shuttle sped towards their destination like a missile.
“There!” Said Slip, pointing at a large purple complex below them, “that’s where I went to school!”
“My mothers apartment on-world should be over there!” Said Sel, pointing towards what was clearly a wealthier district.
“How many worlds does your mom have apartments on?” Asked Adam.
“Seven? I think? I honestly have no idea!” Sel replied as the craft banked towards a large manse, flanked on all sides by green gardens. There was a large purple wall that surrounded the compound with statues seated at regular intervals along its edge.
The shuttle angled for a large circular pad on the roof of the building, where several Shil’vati women stood. The shuttle settled down and Slip was the first out of the craft, followed closely by Adam, Grim, and the rest of the team.
“Oh thank the Empress!” A well dressed woman, who appeared to be near the end of her middle age, stepped forward. “I was so glad to get your message that you’d be arriving soon, Countess Paltouri!”
“Happy to be of service, Duchess,” said Grim, throwing a salute her way, “May I suggest we get off this rooftop? While my team is more than equipped to handle a sniper or two, it would be regrettable to have to deal with one on our first day!”
Adam was momentarily taken aback by Grim’s formality. He’d seen her talk to generals and officers of higher rank with an air of military discipline, but this was a completely different side of her. She caught his speculative gaze as the Duchess turned away and gave him a quick wink before falling in behind the woman, beckoning for her team to follow.
After a short jaunt through the gaudily
... keep reading on reddit ➡Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They say avoid the official forums. A horrible place, full of untold horrors. Staring into its grotesque wretchedness like peering into the depths of madnness.
They warned me.
At first I heeded their warnings.
But my curiosity got the better of me.
I heard something beckoning to me. Elite specialization feedback.
And so I ignored the warnings... I delved into the underside of the GW2 community... The official forums....
Holy shit....
People complaining about "sucking" even when their new elite spec can do over 55k dps...
Indeed, it truly was like peering into the depths of madness.
A gaze into insanity.
Where nothing makes sense...
It doesn't matter how much sense you try to talk to them, or how much you try to rebut them with evidence, data, or gameplay.
What you have learned on the outside world doesn't apply there.
Up is down and down is up.
The bad posts keep rolling,
and the thread pages kept growing
By the depths of hell, I kept going.
Indeed, there wasn't any signs the bad posts are slowing,
Yes, indeed, I kept going...
To the world of insanity and moaning...
They keep... on... droning...
How they saw 50k dps with permanent boons they were defending....
I can feel my will itself is breaking and bending...
All the ignored explanations, the attacking of streamers, and the whining, the whining, and the dreaded whining!
I can still hear... their moaning....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I woke up today with hope for humanity. I was going to volunteer at my local homeless shelter.
But then I visited the official forums.
Now I must cast a ritual and summon Cthulhu off the coast of Florida. For the good of the universe, we must draw the ire of the old ones. That is the only way to rid this insanity from the face of the universe.
https://preview.redd.it/cvw0zeajkd181.png?width=1456&format=png&auto=webp&s=b1b7be57dd0850a304c9466447f19f934b69b3a3
The Pilgrims Road’s neon sign pierces through the foggy evening like a lighthouse beckoning ships to safe harbor.
Jericho nods as you climb to your stool. “Wicked week?”
You nod. “And we ain’t even on Wednesday.”
“Wednesday aren’t so bad,” he says. With a flourish, he produces his stainless-steel cocktail shaker, with a golden plaque that reads Legna & Balco – Numeromancers. “Report day, you know.”
“One day at time, please, Jericho.”
He twirls the stainless shaker. “Fine with me, chief. What will it be?”
I may go for a push before the cut-off… anything new among the top dogs?
“Not much that has changed since last week, chief.” He grabs two large bottles. “Big boys will be big boys. But we did receive a couple of caskets of Tried-and-True that we didn’t have in stock last time you stopped by….”
***
“On the one hand,” he says, “we got a nice batch of a returning classic: Zoe Lee Sin.”
“Heh… now that’s a bled with a lot of kick…”
“Sure is, chief. Guess you can always count on the trickster and the blind to show up when things settle down.” He points to silent figure sipping his drink on the other corner of the bar. “Guy over there, he seems to know a thing or two ‘bout this mix. Wouldn’t hurt having a chat with him, I reckon.”
***
“But you did mention two caskets, right?”
“Indeed.” He pours you a dry lagger, gleaming yellow as desert sand. “Here you go, chief: Taliyah Ziggs.”
https://preview.redd.it/lr8iaiamkd181.png?width=638&format=png&auto=webp&s=21c5e5a11beff0ecabe5d96652afc9ed9c1437d7
You raise an eyebrow. “Really? Among the Big Boys?”
He grins. “I did have to check the label twice myself,” he says, “but yep, that’s the most recent addition to top dogs: certified 1%+ playrate, 53%+ winrate. Don’t add big Elusives of any kind, puffcaps or too much frozen ice while you drink that, or won’t go down well. Other things with lots of Yordles, though, or Gangplank TF, go wild.”
... keep reading on reddit ➡They were cooked in Greece.
This is my first post on this sub. Hopefully I don't get roasted for it. Just wanted to write an honest love letter to my favorite collection of RPGs. Please keep in mind that what follows is being told entirely from my perspective and is only as accurate as my perception can be. Also, I've never played DS1 or DS2, so those are omitted entirely from this.
Potential Spoiler Warning: I mention boss names across multiple games. Continue at your own risk.
FromSoft, which I'll refer to as FS, is an incredibly talented and diverse storyteller. Every game (that I had the pleasure of playing) felt very much like it had it’s own fingerprint. Every game was its own, unique experience. It almost feels wrong to me to boil all of the attention to detail, creative planning and execution and deep, rich world building down into such a broad term as “a game”.
- One of the best examples of this that I can remember is years ago, shortly after I first started my FS journey, I would say things like “I’m in the mood for a FS game…” now I found myself making more targeted statements like “I’m in the mood for… Sekiro/BB/DS3/Demon’s Souls…” This speaks to the individuality that each game manifests and brings to the table.
Each game continues to get better with each playthrough. Sorry if this is an obvious one. Smalls nuances of detail in descriptions and even item and NPC placements just seem to make sense. Everything feels intentional. Completing a FS game for the first time is an incredible experience enough, but going through it at least one more time really highlights what you learned in that first playthrough both from a mechanic and lore perspective. Some bosses and enemies seemed like such an insurmountable challenge my first time through. On my next visit to their arena, many of them felt like paper tigers...
- Example: I beat Nameless King on my first playthrough with no estus left and probably 4 HP. By the skin of my teeth. On NG+, I embarrassed the poor guy on my first attempt with 14 estus left and getting hit twice in total... Sword Saint Ishin Ashina took me a literal week to defeat on my first playthrough. NG+, I took a steaming dump on Genichiro and first tried Isshin without using a single gourd...
- I'm not saying this to highlight anything other than the fact that there's something so rewarding about seeing in action the lessons that these games can teach you. It was tough to see that in a single playthrough of any of these games because as I improv
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
So, last night I get home from work around midnight, it’s been a long shift & all I want to do is play some FM & have a drink with my dog on my lap. For context my career has took me from Honved- Bordeaux - Lyon - Inter. Last season when I took over Inter they were 9th in November, managed to get 4th & the cup so Champions league football beckoned.
So I’m playing away, drinking away, dog is snoozing and whilst top of the league, we’d lost our opening two Champions league games to PSG & Newcastle. But last night we got on one them streaks, those beautiful FM streaks where you’re obliterating all opposition that comes your way. I knew it was getting later but if I could just hold on for the PSG reverse fixture then I could tiptoe up to bed.
3v0… three bloody nil, we obliterated them. Haaland, Bellingham, Gvardiol (who I tried to sign and PSG pinched in the summer) & amazing Russian regen (who I also tried to sign in the summer and PSG pinched) you all suck.
So when the misses got up at 7 & had a go at me saying, “You came up at 3 and snored the whole time!” I know deep down it was worth it, worth now being in the doghouse. Going into game week 6 of the Champions League, straight shootout, Newcastle vs Inter for a chance in the knockouts.
Now time to nurse my hangover.
He lost May
Tyson had never heard a louder crowd in his career. It struck his locker room like an earthquake, the muffled screaming of over a million life forms from all across the galaxy, vibrating through the stadium and matching his rapidly beating heart, to the point where Tyson feared the building might collapse from the tremors at any point.
And none of them were cheering for him.
Tyson didn’t let it bother him, though. He signed up for this match knowing full-well the crowd wouldn’t care about him. After all, nobody in the galaxy believed a human could win this bout.
When Earth first received news of alien life, everyone predicted a myriad of things that could arise from cultural exchange. Advances in medicine, engineering, and art were considered inevitable, dazzling any forward-thinking individuals with all the possibilities.
Wrestling, however, was the last thing on anyone’s mind. Very few people on Earth thought the sport would survive the next decade, let alone it becoming the thing that made humanity stand out. This came as a shock to many, but it really shouldn’t have surprised anyone.
People, regardless of their species, always love a good fight.
No one knew this better than Vincent McMiller, the oldest living human. He had been in the wrestling business for over two-hundred years now, kept alive by mechanical augments, intense daily exercises, and ruthless aggression in every facet of life. As soon as the Galactic Federation made contact with humanity, McMiller only had one goal in mind: to expand his wrestling empire beyond the confines of the solar system.
Unfortunately, his first attempt at promoting this event was met by widespread ridicule, especially on Earth. Humans just weren’t considered suited for wrestling by the galactic community; not when compared to some of the other species that were practically built for fighting. One culture in particular, the Bhul'ee, had a complete monopoly on combat sports due to this very reason. The average height of their athletes towered over most folk, some being close to eight feet tall, and they all had four muscular arms, each with hands strong enough to crush a person’s skull.
McMiller, of course, took it upon himself to goad the Bhul’ees into a fight, which was easy considering how prideful they tended to be. He didn’t care that it made the rest of humanity look like obnoxious idiots. In fact, he counted on it. The only thing that mattered to him was that, regardless of the result, aliens th
... keep reading on reddit ➡Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
