Perhaps not so original, but it’s my 4 yo. So, am so damn proud today.
Me: Can you name 3 animals that are black and white?
Kiddo: Zebra, Penguin. ………
Another zebra!!!
Polish man looked at the slide and excitedly exclaimed "Read it, I know the guy!"
Because they're all not 'C's.
Then realised I was in the menswear section.
Happy No L!
...w/ no legs? Ground beef....w/ 1 leg? Stake....w/ 2 legs? Lean beef....w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip....w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy....w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes....w/ 5 legs? Chernobull....w/ no hind legs? An udder drag....w/ a twitch? B... read more
‘yes but just to prove you’ve been paying attention I’d like you to recite the alphabet first’
So with his best effort the boy replies ‘A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z’
The teacher says ‘very good but what happened to the P?’
‘Well this took so long it’s running down my leg’
So I did.
M-I-C-H-E-L-L-E B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S
W A S A B I
R-a-c-e-c-a-r b-a-c-k-w-a-r-d-s.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
- Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
- It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
- What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
- Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
- Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
- Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
- If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
- Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
- Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
- American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
- The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
- Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
- Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
- Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
- Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
- Rittal me this, Batman!
- Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
- Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
- If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
- When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
- You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
- Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
- Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
- Don't think Seton is
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn't answer him.
The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy storms off in anger.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?"
The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
My wife, 2 year old son, and I were traveling this past week and went through a drive thru for lunch. After finishing his meal, my son was trying to figure out what the bag said. Not being able to turn around and see what he is seeing, the following exchange took place.
Wife "Do you know what the letters are on the bag?"
Son "Yes!"
Wife " Tell me what the letters are"
Son "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!"
Me "Was that his first dad joke?"
Wife "He is definitely your son" and rolled her eyes.
My SO is in nursing school and a friend from class came over to study.
Me: Hey what're you studying?
SO: Bowels.
Me: Vowels?
SO: No, B-O-W-E-L-S
Me: Oh yeah, A, E, I, O, POO, and sometimes Y
SO: :/
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
No-el no-L
A B C
D E F G
H I J K M N
O P Q R S T U V
W X Y Z
No L, no L
No L, no L
I forgot where I heard this but I use it every year lol
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my fellow redditors!
Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.
Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?
Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.
I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.
I'm missing the iron E.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Bourgeoisie.
