Is it o.k. to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...

....or, am I a really bad teacher ?

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hired to come up with a slogan for 2020 that is just as catchy as Click It or Ticket

I chose Mask It or Casket

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DesktopMageTV
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Should I give it another stab or leaf it as is?
πŸ‘︎ 343
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fliskiedatboi28
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought my son a car accessory as a surprise but my wife told him what is was before I gave it to him.

It was a big spoiler.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Subleyeme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The lift is from a company named Schindler...so it’s Schindler’s Lift...is this set up as pun on the classic film Schindler’s List? My head is spinning
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackaldo7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Las Vegas is known as β€œSin City”, but which sin does it represent?

NV.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you die and are born again as a hillbilly?

Reintarnation

πŸ‘︎ 345
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Valkyrie1500
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were having this huge argument as to whose turn it is to do laundry.

Finally, I threw in the towel.

πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
In Germany, is it appropriate to refer to it as 21:00

Or nein?

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.

For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HunainT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather’s broken watch is as relevant to my family today as it was to him 50 years ago.

It’s a timeless piece, really.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.

In our house It's really causing some division

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lornstar7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sunsquared
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we can’t lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.

As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hashsmasher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The moment I learned that β€œphα»Ÿβ€ is actually pronounced β€œfuh,” I knew the time was ripe to write a Google review for my all-time favourite phở restaurant. (I guess this qualifies more as β€˜racy wordplay’ than it does β€˜punny’?)
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/70M70M
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what the last thing to go through a fly's brain is as it hits your windshield?

Its butt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Photographer_Rob
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
In this time of crisis I believe it is our duty as a community to make a rapid respons team to help the rest of the world!

We will be known as the rapid respuns

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/van_-Dam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Facebook has over 2 billion users, That is as big as the whole of christianity, Forget that, it is bigger than hinduism and islam. Although facebook’s messenger is probably the worst.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/obaidraf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My new year's resolution is the same for 2020 as it was in 2019

1080p

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Sand is a combination of the words sea and land, as it is where they meet. You could say it is their ship name.

Courtesy of my friend who took more than the average amount of antidepressants

πŸ‘︎ 245
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Llamaz
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
This one made me proud as a dad. My 9 1/2 year-old son came up with it: What do you call someone you can't stand because all they do is annoy you with question after question?

An askhole.

I didn't even laugh at first. I immediately asked if he'd heard it somewhere. He said he hadn't, that he'd come up with it on his own. When I asked him when he did that, he said it was when we were leaving for church (earlier that day). Then I had a good laugh.

I helped him tweak the setup a little, and then I had him tell his momma. I laughed even harder when she sat in stunned silence for a few seconds and then busted out laughing with her hands over her mouth.

We explained to him that while the joke was not wholly appropriate for his age, it most certainly was funny.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DINC44
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If you dress up as santa claus is it claus-playing?
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayyded
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My job is telling genuine trees apart from fake trees. I was so worried I'd be bad at it but as it happens I'm quite good.

That's a real leaf.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoAdenine
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The dog's name is Dali. It was between painting him as Muhammad Dali or the Dali Lama. The latter one won (2018 - 2.8m x 3m)
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theanthonybrooks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I guess it really is cold as FΒ° in the U.S.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/virgie1109
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get off the merry-go-round!

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Kermit the frog went to the bank to get a mortgage for a new lilypad. He walked up to the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack and placed a small porcelain statue of an angel on her desk asking if she would take it as collateral. "What is that?" she asked...

It's a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/curmudge_john
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it you never see a little person working as an accountant?

Because they’re always coming up short.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MissusLunafreya
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My last name is the same as my first name, never changed it.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clelwell
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
This pun is a confusing as it is hilarious naansequitur.com
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bob-log_cat-log
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What is it called when a fish works as a blacksmith?

Gilled labor

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notfawcett
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and I had a huge argument as to who is supposed to take care of the laundry after it’s done.

Finally I folded.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
In Germany, discussing breakfast is as simple as seeing it... ei to ei.

(Punchline: ei = German for egg, and we know how commonplace eggs are at breakfast.)

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RabidLeroy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Does femail fraud carry the same sentences as mail fraud, or is it about 80% of the time sentenced?
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SomeZ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
As a father, is it okay for me to refer to the plastic threaded flange which secures the silicone nipple onto the plastic baby formula bottle as the

baby nipple ring?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If there is a country that has rollercoasters as the main method of transportation, what is it called?

Coaster Rica

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Coh_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
As a solider, my first instinct when I see trouble is to run to it, but my Sargent always tells me....

...that before I can run, I need to learn to March first.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a little walnut say as it is growing up

Gee I'm a tree (geometry)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kurkiblade
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A mother is opening the mail at home one night. She began adamantly reminding him they were out of baby powder as she’s tearing into their bank statement. When she sees it, she marches to the father sitting in his chair and says β€œWhat is this $730.88 spent at the Treasure Chest, Donny?!”

All he said was β€œI don’t know what you’re talcum β€˜bout.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mathis730
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
When butchering an animal it is best to use as much of it as possible.

If not that's just a huge missed steak

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BobaWillson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
🚨︎ report
This list of real estate puns is as geeky as it sounds, but worth it. punreal.com/2017/03/best-…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainofJT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Not so much a joke as much as it is fatherly appreciation. Throwback from my teens
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toobroketobitch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2016
🚨︎ report
My bathroom is under construction and my dad thought it'd be funny to put this as a temporary wall imgur.com/a/cPo1x
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vtdeer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?

Reintarnation

πŸ‘︎ 218
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.