Did you know that not all trees are allowed on government property?
It's due to the separation of birch and state.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view , so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out “can you all see me now?”
I'd love to tell you that all duvets are thicker than quilts
But my wife hates it when I make blanket statements.
So did y'all hear that all new Mercedes have a device installed that evaluates how happy your cats are as you drive with them?
They're calling it the car-purr-rater.
Did you hear about the new exotic facial that celebrities are all talking about? An elephant sprays water on your face.
I know times are tough for a lot of people right now. All over the planet, humanity struggles with problems that seem to never go away... just remember, you can always rest assured that at the end of the day...
Did y’all know that the irises in your eye are the last organ in the body to stop working after you die?
You all know that when you are in the bathroom, European. But do you now what you are when you're trying to get to the bathroom?
Governed by a murderous psychopath.
Did you know that of all the professions, lumberjacks are the most apologetic?
Can you believe that they are still together after all the crap they have been through???
Innocent kid - who????
Evil laugh- your butt cheeks
Did you know that all seatbelts are really just trying to hug you?
Did you know that all ants are females?
There are no uncles, just aunts.
What do you call a woman who has 4 sons that are all CEOs?
Did you know that all bees are born near the ocean?
Did you know that 3.14% of all snakes are pythons and that 2.71% of all fish are eels?
Did you know that all ants are actually female?
If they were male they would be uncles
There was a herd of cows on this big hill. A big gust of wind came by and blew all the smaller cows away. Puzzled, the rancher went up to one of the bulls that were still standing and asks,"How come you bulls are still standing?" The bull replies...
"Cuz we bulls wobble but we don't fall down."
Did you know that, technically, all beverages are alcoholic?
If they’re not getting drunk, then they’re getting wasted.
Did you know that all Asians are cannibals?
I mean, who else eats rawmen...
Did you know that cats are the most likely animal to suffer from chronic pain? Apparently they've been telling us all along.
This old guy comes into my job all the time with dad jokes & i have to pretend they are funny. "Can you name 3 cars that start with P?"
"So there is pontiac. Porsche. Packard.. You know what a Packard is, dont ya? Or is that a little before your time? How old are you? So you know what it is then, right?" So he sets up the joke incorrectly by not giving me a chance to name any. But to him, this joke is SO funny, there is no way to make it unfunny. ".. well none of them because they
all start with gas." Then he turns and acts like he is about to walk out of the store, like he dropped the proverbial mic. So I feign a half smile & say "yep. Gas. Thats a good one."
Did you know that all the snakes you see today are broken? They aren't supposed to be bendy and flexible
Apparently snakes today suffer from
a-reptile-disfuntion
My three dachshunds are all huddled up under the electric blanket. You could say that I have a pack of hot dogs.
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My dad, to me, as we're driving past a cemetery, "You know why all those people are buried in that cemetery on the east side of the road?"
Me: "No. Why?"
Dad: "Because they're dead."
Did you know that all of the seasons are named after a tight coil of metal?
Except for winter, summer and autumn...
Did y’all know that the the irises are the last organs to stop working after you die?
Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?
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