Ah Yeah Puns

Wife: Ah, whatever no you have not.

Me: yeah, I’ve made all the coffee this year

Wife: oh, ha ha

Me, playing darts: Ah, that's a prime target

My friend: What?

Me: *throws dart* heel yeah, 13 pts!

[scene: me coming in the door]

My kids: "Dad, you're back!"

Me: "Yeah! And hey look... my front, too!"

Ah man... kills me every time. :-D

One day a boy was playing with his friends when they got into an argument.

His friend finally said, "Oh yeah! I hear you mom likes giant purple flasters!"

Confused the young boy went home. In the kitchen he saw his mom and he asked her, "Mom. What is a purple flaster?"

His mom blushed and got angry. "Where did you hear that? Don't ever ask me that again.! If you want to know go ask your father!"

Now really confused the boy goes to the garage and finds his father. " Dad, I asked mom a question but she said I should talk to you. What's a purple flaster?"

His dad throws blushes and says, "Who told you about that.... you shouldn't be asking me that.... if you want to know that you should go talk to Father Flannigan at the church."

So the boy jumps on his bike and rides to the church. He goes inside and finds Father Flannnigan. "Father I am really confused. I asked Mom and Dad about purple flasters but they got made and would not tell me. They said I should talk to you about it."

Father Flannigan replied, "Ah dear boy you are to young to know about such things... come back in a year and I will tell you all about it."

So the boy still confused jumps on his bike and heads for home..... ad he crosses the street.... BAM! He gets hit by a truck.

The moral of the story: Look both ways before you cross the street.

I was at a meeting full of people who had never met before. We were doing the basic introductions and I heard one guy introduce himself as Noah. The conversation went as follows:

"Hi my name's Noah."
"Noah, well that'll be easy to remember!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Sure, now every time I see you I will No-ah you!"

Dad: Yeah, it's all the silicone pipes in the bathroom (renovating bathroom, working on it) Me: Ah, makes sense

Dad: Just Imagine how bad Silicone Valley smells

He just laid that one on me not too long ago

It was subtle, and you'll need to know some 80s trivia. It was really bad, but I also think it was pretty clever.

I was driving to Dave and Buster's with my dad, his girlfriend, and my younger siblings when "This Is It" by Kenny Loggins came on the radio.

Dad: "Is this Kenny Loggins? It sounds like him."

Dad's GF: "Yeah, I remember this song. It was before he got big."

Dad: "Ah. He's pretty lucky he cut Footloose, then."

Brother: "What's Footloose?"

Dad's GF: "It was a movie that came out when-"

Me: "Wait... Dammit, Dad."

Dad's GF: "What? ... Oh, God. Really, Chris? Really?"

He spent the rest of the 45 minute ride giggling like a schoolgirl.

So we were watching Grand Designs and talking about houses and such and the show was telling us about the bathroom.

Me: Oh look they're gonna put in a bidet.

Dad: I don't know why people put them in.

Me: Ah come on! You haven't lived until you've used one of them.

Dad: Yeah, that'll be bidet.

cue groans of despair

The two boys working the counter were having a hard time finding the special deals on the register.

Workers - "Sorry, it's a whole new menu for the cricket season" Customer - "ah yeah.. howzat?"

It didn't look like the staff appreciated it very much...