I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
What do you call the time period between the Bronze and Iron Ages where humans learned to cure meat?
What is an appropriate age to tell my highway it's adopted?
I feel like the 66 route is a little late
Ive been reading this book called “The A to Z of Northern Europe”, but it’s taking me ages...
Not sure I’ll ever get to the Finish
I feel like I've regressed to an earlier age because of all the social distancing.
When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. “When I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me.”...
“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”
“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws
Like most people, I was able to recite the entire alphabet from a young age. But then I became an ordained minister.
I now pronounce U man and wife.
I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.
In our house It's really causing some division
Why were people in the middle ages so medival and when did people advance from being mid-evil to advanced-evil?
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).
The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.
From a young age I wanted to play guitar very badly.
After decades of dedicated and concentrated practice, I finally achieved my goal.
I can play guitar very badly.
How to retire at the age of 18
Get a job at the tire shop.
Your mom had to get a tuberculosis test for work. I guess we'll finally have an answer to the age-old question . . .
Vampires need to stop turning their victims at such a young age.
Help end Premature Draculation.
I used to think my dad was really old as a kid, so he’d tell me, “When I was your age,
the Dead Sea was still alive!”
The ice age would be the coolest time to be alive.
I am going to go to school to become a marine biologist at age 55...
I know it sounds fishy, but I really think it will help to be less crabby, get out out of my shell, and have a porpoise in life.
After all, the world is my oyster!
My grandfather is really frustrated that he has to take the stair chair lift because of his age.
It’s driving him up the wall.
The secret to having a smoking hot body in old age?
I've gotten to the age when young people don't recognize my song lyric references anymore.
Well I guess this is growing up.
I was waiting ages for my book on herb based erotica to arrive and it finally came today. It’s about f***ing thyme.
I could never appreciate children between the ages of 13 and 19. Then, I added macro-nutrients made of amino acids to my diet. Now, I am pro-teen!
A dad joke original from my dad!!!
I spent ages at the gym trying to get a ripped body
but it just ended up in tears.
My son has recently been starting to suffer from early male pattern baldness, like I did at his age.
I think it‘s haireditery.
It's a grandpa joke but whatever. 'Kids, when you're my age, you'll really want to wear diapers again for 2 good reasons'
'What are the reasons?'
'#1, and #2'
'Oh grandpa...'
'You don't understand. #2 was a solid one'
'Stoooop'
'And you should already understand #1, it runs in your genes'
I've always wanted to be born in the age I could become a Gregorian monk
But I guess I'll never have the chants
Trying to find motivation and engage with research of what motivated people in the post-Bronze Age to engage in building double-storey dwellings...
Irony on two many levels.
My wife keeps telling me to act my age, but I don’t know how...
I’ve never been this old before!
When women hit a certain age they start to collect lots of cats.
Otherwise known as the many-paws.
In the age of information, mathematician population is rapidly declining. We all need to make an effort to save them.
Every mathematician counts.
At what age will Ryan Gosling change his name to Ryan Goose?
I was waiting ages to play snooker the other night but gave up in the end
I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...
...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.
I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.
Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:
"......gneiss guys finish last."
A modern man tries to take a women from the Stone Age on a date.
She wanted to go see a rock and roll concert but since he was cheap he took her for granite.
When women get to a certain age they start accumulating cats
This is know as the many paws
My family had been hyping up going to see my aunt and uncle for ages....
But I ended up bored on the sofa while my aunt and uncle had sex!
It was a bit of an aunticlimax...
Some kids start training to become Olympians at age 5…
I'm still training my kids to come home from school with more than one shoe…
My brother was destined to be dad from age four
When my brother was four years old, my dad told him to go sit on Santa Claus' lap at the church. Santa Claus was actually being played by my second uncle, Mr. Herman. My brother had already heard rumors of this, so when he went to sit on Santa Claus' lap he asked: "Are you Mr. Herman?" Mr. Herman replied: "Baloney!"
My brother went back to my dad and said: "His name is Baloney!"
(My brother is now 39 years old and the proud father of a 19-month-old son)
When single women get to the age of 50, they tend to acquire lots of cats and dogs.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
When's the best age to tell a highway it's adopted?
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