Abyzou (film) Puns

I was cursed by Abyzou when I was fifteen.

Abyzou?

The demon Abyzou! She’s responsible for miscarriages and the deaths of babies!

Why do you think you were cursed by... Abyzou?

Because I was horrible. Because I saw some woman crying at the bus stop near the hospital, and she said she was infertile, and I said...

[The woman looks up shamefully]

I was only fifteen, okay? I said it was just as well because she shouldn’t pass on her ugliness to any kids anyway.

Where does Abyzou come in?

Because Abyzou is infertile herself, that’s why she kills babies! That night, Abyzou came to me, and she said that I would lose one baby for each of my despicable years. So I knew I had to lose fifteen babies before I could have a healthy one.

So what did you do?

I started early. I left home and got pregnant at sixteen. I didn’t tell anyone, there was no point.

Who was the father?

No idea. I’ve had to sleep with random strangers to get pregnant, because I couldn’t have a relationship. What man gets with a girl whose body will kill off so many children? I tried to go for the quiet, shy ones. I figured I’d be less likely to catch any STDs.

Did you ever tell any of them you were pregnant?

No. I’d always go to theirs, see, and slip out once they were asleep. They never even knew my real name.

How many times have you been pregnant?

Fifteen! Fifteen stillborn children. I’m very good at being pregnant, I never show too much, I don’t get morning sickness, I wear baggy clothes. Three sick days each time and I’m good to go again. But it’s over now, I’m free!

Don’t you feel bad for the children?

I’ve come to terms with it. It’s worth it, because now I can have an actual child! I’ve met a great guy, actually. He’s going to make a perfect father.

Do you know why we’re questioning you?

Probably something to do with my new busybody neighbour. She made comments about my ‘gardening’. I had to give each of my babies a proper burial. It’s the least they deserve.

We went to your garden, and uncovered all fifteen graves. The most recent two died from suffocation, they had inhaled mud and debris. The other bodies were too decomposed, but we believe it’s likely that they also died as a result of being buried. Didn’t you hear them cry?

Well yes, but I knew it was just Abyzou making the noises, to make it harder for me. They weren’t alive! Anyway, is that enough questions? I’m going on a date in a couple of hours, and I need to get ready. He’s not going

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abyzou

It would have made more sense thematically imo.

A good Cast.

Abyzou, the "Taker of Children," A.K.A. the demon from The Possession.

Buhguul, "Mr. Boogie," from Sinister.

And Edina Brennan, or Mama, from Mama, will all face off in several rounds.

Round 1: They are all babysitting one child. Who's children are still alive by the end of the night? Child 1 is Abyzou's, Child 2 is Mr. Boogie's, and Child 3 is Mama's. The parents are gone for 5 hours.

Round 2: All 3 have a week to, through the same children, convince the parents of some sort of supernatural activity without actually showing themselves. Who does it the fastest?

Round 3: In an actual fight, which of these 3 creepy paranormal entities will come out on top?

It’s time to talk about this ridiculous story that is constantly showing up on reddit, youtube, and popular star wars podcasts. They believe there is an ongoing battle within Lucasfilm between the Favreau/Filoni supporters, and Kennedy supporters. I’m not going to get into how ridiculous that is –I’m going to focus on the theory that Filoni/Favreau should supplant Kennedy as President.

Simply put, Kathleen Kennedy is a straight-up businessperson, and Filoni and Favreau are creatives. Kathleen Kennedy sits in meetings that are more likely to be about complex financing arrangements for film production than anything related to a Star Wars story/canon decision.

Favreau’s position currently is ideal – he works on Star Wars basically on his own schedule (unless they are actively shooting), he writes, brainstorms, and pushes creative star wars decisions and storylines. He is able to work on Marvel movies (both from an acting and creative standpoint), and other endeavors like The Chef Show, a passion project of his.

Kathleen Kennedy on the other hand is in every day at 9, and is jam packed with meetings about Lucasfilm business until probably late into the evening. People forget that she is a high-ranking executive at one of the largest publicly traded companies in the world. She has fiduciary duties that Favreau and Filoni have no interest in even learning about.

So you want Filoni and Favreau to run the Star Wars ship story wise. Great – THEY ARE ALREADY DOING THAT. Filoni is the Creative Director of Lucasfilm! Kennedy has clearly given them rein to lead the stories for many shows.

It’s time this sorry excuse for a conspiracy goes with 2021 into the past.

Edit: a few minor things because this blew up. First off, read the post: it is not defending Kennedy’s decisions. It is a critique of the idea Filoni/Favreau should run the company in her stead. That is a made up theory perpetuated by youtubers. It’s the Qanon of Star Wars fandom.

Edit 2: everyone yelling that Favreau has the skills to do the job should realize that making him President would put 50% of his time into negotiating financing, health care benefits, special effects deals with other studios, Lucasfilm real estate investments, and detailed reporting to the Board of Directors of Disney. Wouldn’t you prefer he spend his time writing, directing, and leading the creative team?

The cast, made up of high-profile action stars, were choosing their roles.

Sylvester Stallone went "I want to be Mozart!". Bruce Willis said "Then I'll be Beethoven!" and Jean -Claude Van Damme, "I'll go with Tchaikovsky".

After a moment of silence, Arnold Schwarzenegger stood up, looked at everyone in the room, and said "I'll be Bach".

I'm asking because whenever any mainstream film has gay characters or the focus is on a woman, some come out of the woodwork and start accusing the film of being woke and I wonder, can you ever have gay characters or a woman lead or a black lead and not be woke?

Was "Aliens" woke? Was "The Wire" woke? Was "Independence Day" woke?

I understand when some films contrive to be inclusive however many have forgotten what the point of woke was as a criticism and it has taken a life of its own. It stopped being about something and it turned into a weapon by bigots so they can complain about women or minorities invading their territory.