A New Day Puns

The iRoll

Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I told my wife we've struck gold and she immediately upgraded to the newest iRoll v2 software!!!

Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.

I work at the US Mint.

^

“Trump’s Not Down For the Count”

Jane Spencer: Goodyear? Frank: No, the worst. (Courtesy of Naked Gun)

"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."

But it just wont cut it.

“Isabell”,he said

"Sorry, no pun n' ten dead"

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

I said "But she has a great personality."

When I asked what happened to the old ones he said “ they decided it was time to go to wire college”

Me: “This thing is going to be huge.”

Son: “Why? It’s only three floors high.”

Me: “Look at that elevator shaft! They’re going to build more on!”

Son: “Geez Dad, that’s a bit harsh.”

Probably won't have it again. It was just a novelty

My family took it for granite.

It's a riposte

It's called A Leaven Bread.

Cant wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

It was a little too hoppy for my taste

His motto is ‘carpet diem’

It's made out of envelopes.

I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it

As she is entering, she trips over. The Mother Superior rushes over to help "It seems you got into a bad habit this morning" Says Mother Superior.

They've named it the "Do-you-think-he-saur-us"

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

“Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope.”

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

“Son I’m changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes.”

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He’s cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

“Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters.”

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

“Hey there,” says the recruit. “is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven’t kept one position for more than 15 minutes!”

The crewman says “Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts.”

Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.