I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
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︎ Jul 30 2020
Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July.
But not fire. . . . . Fire works on 4th of July.
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︎ Jul 04 2020
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day Iβve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. Itβs been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...
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︎ May 16 2020
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
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︎ Nov 13 2019
How to get a day off at work
Woman: βI can make the boss give me the day off.βMan: βAnd how would you do that?βWoman: βJust wait and see.β She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.Boss comes in: βWhat are you doing?βWoman: βIβm a light bulb.βBoss: βYouβve been working so much that youβve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.βThe man starts to follow her and the boss says:βWhere are you going?βThe man says: βIβm going home, too. I canβt work in the dark.β
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︎ Sep 29 2019
So I was given the ability to fly the other day, decided to give it a whirl over the pacific. Little did I know how tired I was getting but just in the knick of time I saw a remote location that looked deserted off the coast, so what do I do?
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︎ Jan 19 2017
I bought a Dog off a Blacksmith the other day...
As soon as I got him home he made a Bolt for the Door.
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︎ Dec 31 2018
Apparently, taking a day off is not something you can do when you work for a calendar company.
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︎ Jan 18 2018
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
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︎ Apr 27 2019
Got the day off from my job at the raisin factory due to a power outage
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︎ Aug 22 2018
I was buying a pair of shoes the other day when the cashier told me "These are half off today."
"In that case," I replied, "I'll take the left one."
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︎ Feb 20 2019
My dad ran over a cat one day. I suggested he scrape it off the road and put it's rear on the wall.
Because it was his Cat-Ass-Trophy
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︎ Aug 28 2015
[True Story] My son had a great day power boating - my wife asked if it all went off without a hitch...
Iβm like, thatβs nearly impossible!
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︎ May 29 2018
I went shoe shopping with my dad the other day. I showed him a pair I liked, and asked him if he thought I could pull them off.
"Well, I'd hope so." he said "I heard getting them on is the hard part."
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︎ Jun 06 2018
I was walking past a prison the other day and saw a midget escaping down the wall. I waved to him, but all he did was flip me off.
It was a little condescending.
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︎ Feb 07 2017
I worked at a summer camp once. My dad dropped me off on cultural day.
I was bringing in a baked good that those who share my religious faith eat on special occasions. This was also the summer when the song "Hollaback Girl" was popular. As I'm leaving the car, my dad tells me, "If nobody eats the bread, make sure you don't bring it back, because then you'd be a Challah-back Boy."
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︎ Sep 20 2013
Caught my Mom off guard tonight with a primo dadjoke. Maybe I'll make an okay Dad one day after all...
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︎ Nov 02 2013
Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July....
But not fire....fire works on the 4th of July
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︎ Feb 21 2020
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
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︎ Oct 09 2019
Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July, except for fire
Fire works on the 4th of July
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︎ Jul 05 2019
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
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︎ Dec 21 2017
βI used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.β
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︎ Nov 25 2016
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
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︎ Nov 15 2017
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