Her ideal date date: Beach and Brunch

My ideal date: MM/DD/YYYY

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📅︎ Apr 17 2021
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What's your idea for a perfect date?

MM/DD/YYYY. I find other formats confusing.

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👤︎ u/cumsock17
📅︎ Sep 01 2020
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If you tell me what my idea of a perfect date is...

I personally think it's DD/MM/YY. The rest are a bit confusing.

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👤︎ u/butterymix
📅︎ Oct 21 2020
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George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.

GC: I'll direct

LD: I'll produce

MM: I'll write, I'll write, I'll write

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📅︎ Dec 11 2018
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My last joke got taken down.

Here's a mirror.

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👤︎ u/KingSulley
📅︎ Jan 15 2020
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A drunk Roman is talking to a stranger in a bar “Do you know how many women I slept with?”
  • Mm?
  • No, not that many
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📅︎ Aug 11 2019
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Dad nearly made me and mom choke on our coffee

Backstory: I had bought a set of nice Nespresso coffee cups for my parents for Christmas (original, I know). But these aren't your standard, chunky, ceramic Christmas mugs with snowflakes or Santas, but actually something for the type of coffee fanatics that spend their money on Clooney's kind of blend, what else?

So - having dessert; cake, coffee, the whole shabang.

Me, inspecting one of said cups: "I'm glad I actually found a set that doesn't stay in the cupboard all year like literally every other mug you've ever gotten from anyone."

Mom, eating cake: "Mm-hmm."

Me: "Like, these are actually really nice. I like the pattern around the base and how they're round and square at the same time."

Mom, between bites: "They're very nice."

Suddenly, Dad, eating his cake completely silently up until this point: "You should take a picture of them. Might make for a pretty cool mugshot."

Cue me barely managing to swallow my coffee, Mom chuckling into her cup and both our subsequent groans

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📅︎ Apr 19 2017
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Shapely

Sorting through junk mail full of holiday sales.

Wife: "Nothing but circulars?"

Me: "Mm, they're mostly rectangulars."

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👤︎ u/nickfree
📅︎ Dec 08 2014
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