A butcher eats 0,5 kg of potatoes, a kilo of vegetables and 0,5 kg of other food, what does he weigh?

Answer: Meat

πŸ‘︎ 907
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2021
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Plant it during the cool days of spring or fall. Space the plants 18 to 24 inches apart in an area that gets plenty of sunlight and has rich, well-drained soil with a pH of 6.5 to 7.0

Sage advice

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frupp110
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2021
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Halftime: Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drew1351
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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Such a shampoo pun!
πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoShitToGive
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2023
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β€œThis bugs me”
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NJ2806
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2023
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took me a *minute*
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2022
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Nah, she was born a red head
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riccochetaround
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2022
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Visited North Korea over the summer, but had to leave one of my bags there.

On the bright side, that raised their GDP by 0.5%

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickySan65
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2022
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whey better
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notreallyhaarsh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2022
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Why does every pothead want to be 5'8" in height?

Then they literally 4'20"

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOhMyPancakes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Why are amoeba bad at maths?

Coz they multiply by dividing.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonyruag01
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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I read most car accidents happen within 5 miles of your own home.

So I moved.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
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My friend was telling me a story about how his dog ran 5 miles to get his ball.

I told him that’s a little far fetched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meade2113
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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Just bought an air fryer.

Gave it 0/5 stars. My air is still not crispy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Medical-Jello7644
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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I have finale cracked the most difficult problem. I now know all the digits of pi.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abybaddi009
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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Paul Simon needs to learn about his orders of magnitude…

50 ways? Count β€˜em, bud… 5.0 ways according to your own song

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d_chs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2021
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Every time...

0:00 0:01 0:02 0:03 0:04 0:05 0:06 0:07 0:08 0:09 0:10 0:11 0:12 0:13 0:14 0:15 0:16 0:17 0:18 0:19 0:20 0:21 0:22 0:23 0:24 0:25 0:26 0:27 0:28 0:29 0:30 0:31 0:32 0:33 0:34 0:35 0:36 0:37 0:38 0:39 0:40 0:41 0:42 0:43 0:44 0:45 0:46 0:47 0:48 0:49 0:50 0:51 0:52 0:53 0:54 0:55 0:56 0:57 0:58 0:59 1:00 1:01 1:02 1:03 1:04 1:05 1:06 1:07 1:08 1:09 1:10 1:11 1:12 1:13 1:14 1:15 1:16 1:17 1:18 1:19 1:20 1:21 1:22 1:23 1:24 1:25 1:26 1:27 1:28 1:29 1:30 1:31 1:32 1:33 1:34 1:35 1:36 1:37 1:38 1:39 1:40 1:41 1:42 1:43 1:44 1:45 1:46 1:47 1:48 1:49 1:50 1:51 1:52 1:53 1:54 1:55 1:56 1:57 1:58 1:59 2:00 2:01 2:02 2:03 2:04 2:05 2:06 2:07 2:08 2:09 2:10 2:11 2:12 2:13 2:14 2:15 2:16 2:17 2:18 2:19 2:20 2:21 2:22 2:23 2:24 2:25 2:26 2:27 2:28 2:29 2:30 2:31 2:32 2:33 2:34 2:35 2:36 2:37 2:38 2:39 2:40 2:41 2:42 2:43 2:44 2:45 2:46 2:47 2:48 2:49 2:50 2:51 2:52 2:53 2:54 2:55 2:56 2:57 2:58 2:59 3:00 3:01 3:02 3:03 3:04 3:05 3:06 3:07 3:08 3:09 3:10 3:11 3:12 3:13 3:14 3:15 3:16 3:17 3:18 3:19 3:20 3:21 3:22 3:23 3:24 3:25 3:26 3:27 3:28 3:29 3:30 3:31 3:32 3:33 3:34 3:35 3:36 3:37 3:38 3:39 3:40 3:41 3:42 3:43 3:44 3:45 3:46 3:47 3:48 3:49 3:50 3:51 3:52 3:53 3:54 3:55 3:56 3:57 3:58 3:59 4:00 4:01 4:02 4:03 4:04 4:05 4:06 4:07 4:08 4:09 4:10 4:11 4:12 4:13 4:14 4:15 4:16 4:17 4:18 4:19 4:20 4:21 4:22 4:23 4:24 4:25 4:26 4:27 4:28 4:29 4:30 4:31 4:32 4:33 4:34 4:35 4:36 4:37 4:38 4:39 4:40 4:41 4:42 4:43 4:44 4:45 4:46 4:47 4:48 4:49 4:50 4:51 4:52 4:53 4:54 4:55 4:56 4:57 4:58 4:59 5:00 5:01 5:02 5:03 5:04 5:05 5:06 5:07 5:08 5:09 5:10 5:11 5:12 5:13 5:14 5:15 5:16 5:17 5:18 5:19 5:20 5:21 5:22 5:23 5:24 5:25 5:26 5:27 5:28 5:29 5:30 5:31 5:32 5:33 5:34 5:35 5:36 5:37 5:38 5:39 5:40 5:41 5:42 5:43 5:44 5:45 5:46 5:47 5:48 5:49 5:50 5:51 5:52 5:53 5:54 5:55 5:56 5:57 5:58 5:59 6:00 6:01 6:02 6:03 6:04 6:05 6:06 6:07 6:08 6:09 6:10 6:11 6:12 6:13 6:14 6:15 6:16 6:17 6:18 6:19 6:20 6:21 6:22 6:23 6:24 6:25 6:26 6:27 6:28 6:29 6:30 6:31 6:32 6:33 6:34 6:35 6:36 6:37 6:38 6:39 6:40 6:41 6:42 6:43 6:44 6:45 6:46 6:47 6:48 6:49 6:50 6:51 6:52 6:53 6:54 6:55 6:56 6:57 6:58 6:59 7:00 7:01 7:02 7:03 7:04 7:05 7:06 7:07 7:08 7:09 7:10 7:11 7:12 7:13 7:14 7:15 7:16 7:17 7:18 7:19 7:20 7:21 7:22 7:23 7:24 7:25 7:26 7:27 7:28 7:29 7:30 7:31 7:32 7:33 7:34 7:35 7:36 7:37 7:38 7:39 7:40 7:41 7:42 7:43 7:44 7:45 7:46 7:47 7:48 7:49 7:50 7:51 7:52 7:53 7:54 7:55 7:56 7:57 7:58 7:59 8:00 8:01 8:02 8:03 8:04 8:05 8:06 8:07 8:08 8:09 8:10 8:11 8:12 8:13 8:14 8:15 8:16 8:17 8:18 8:19

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 862
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scott_MacGregor
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2015
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My mom would always yell at me for fibbin' to her

She'd walk into my room and I'd just look at her and say "0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha-Cor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Math?

(12 + 144 + 20 + 3√4)/7 + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0

Well measured.

>!The expression evaluates true, but it also forms a limmerick when read out loud (click it to read a spoken version).!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barwhack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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5 Cringey Puns

(Sorry For Not Posting, I Was Busy)

  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  2. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

  3. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

  4. I didn't use to care much for most puns but over time some of them have groan on me.

  5. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

(Source For All Puns: https://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F&cat=0&sub=0&page=1)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsdaily
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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A pound of bricks weighs more than a pound of feathers

In America you can buy a square foot of bricks for around $8.50. There are 7 bricks in a square foot, meaning you are buying each brick for about a $1.21. Today one dollar is 0.75 pounds, so $1.21 is about 0.92 pounds, meaning for a full pound you can buy 1.087 bricks for about a pound. Each brick weighs 5 pounds, which means 1.087 bricks weighs 5.435 pounds. Now on the other hand you many buy 48 feathers for one dollar in America , considering that one dollar is 0.75 ponds, you could buy 64 feathers. with one pound. Each feather weighs around 0.0003 ounces, which multiplied by 64 is 0.0192 ounces , which is 0.0012 pounds. 5.435&gt; 0.0012. There you have it a pound of bricks weighs more than a pound if feathers .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.


So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will you marry me?" she says "no honey you really do have to become a frosted cheerio first." So he goes back and he works and works, hes a fryboy at McGrubers or something, I dont care. So he works and he works and he gets promoted at the restraunt and is making more money. And he works and he works and he works and by having that income raise he finally becomes a level 3 cheerio. He feels sucessful for the first time in his life but he is starting to fall back on his old ways. One day he goes to the casino and he loses and he loses and he loses and he gambled all his money away and he gets fired to boot because gambling is against company policy. So he is back down to a level 1 cheerio. He gets a job on a production line at a nearby factory and determines himself not to fall back ever again. So he works and he works and he works and he works and he WORKS, level 2, level 3, and he is doing great again. He is promoted to Floor manager of the factory and he is doing great and becomes a level 4 cheerio. But then one day a rival company sabotages their operation by putting poison in their toothpaste or whatever the hell they were making. They have to pay out damages and PR and the like and they declare bankruptcy. He is knocked back down to level 2 for the lack in income. But he is hired almost straight away by a branch of a huge conglomerate because they recognized how hard of a worker he is. So he works, level 3, works, level 4, and he works and works and WORKS. So he is promoted t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t17389z
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Peas or Broccoli?

My sister sends out a group text asking if she should bring peas or broccoli to our thanksgiving dinner.

My family responds 5 votes for peas 0 votes for broccoli.

I respond "If you want broccoli speak up now or forever hold your peas!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iwannabewitty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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Told my son if I win the lottery I'd give him half.

I won Β£50. I'm not sure if I should give him the Β£5 or Β£0.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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A group of monks started a business outside the playboy mansion.

They opened up a stand selling flowers, but Heff called the 5-0 and got them shut down. They said they would've gotten away with it anywhere else.. But I guess only Hugh can stop florist friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whoathunderroad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
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Pi day dad joked at work

My co worker asked me how many digits I can name in pi. I responded well I can name all the digits in pi, 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, and 9 they are all in there somewhere!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCfan6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
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I can list every single number that's in Pi.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OvertCinnamon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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No one: Literally No one:

0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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No one:

0, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShockwaveMike
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
No one:

0, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SudoUsername
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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No one:

Literally no one:

0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DabtillDeath
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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No one:

Numbers: 0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlatantHippocrite
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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