Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were not in my favor
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︎ Jan 09 2021
1+1=3
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︎ Jan 27 2021
Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I was attacked by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
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︎ Apr 12 2020
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.
The odds were against me.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
I went to cake shop and all the cakes were Β£1 except one which was Β£3...
I asked the shopkeeper why and he said "That's Madeira cake"
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︎ Sep 25 2020
How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.
When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Why did Episodes 4, 5 and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3?
In charge of scheduling Yoda was.
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︎ May 04 2020
What do 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9 do when theyβre angry?
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Julie Andrewsβ Daily Schedule: 1. Impersonate Homer Simpson 2. Read about bushcraft 3. Watch ludicrously silly play 4. Replace button on blouse 5. Start making coffee flavoured bread
Dβoh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
One of my kids ate a magnetic number off the fridge; it was the one between 1 and 3.
The doc said they would be ok βThis two shall pass.β
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︎ Aug 22 2020
A mom angrily told her 4 year old son to say counting if he wanted to get his lunch. So the boy started... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10...
I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8
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︎ Aug 17 2020
Last night I got beat up by the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9.
I guess the odds were against me.
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︎ Apr 15 2020
β-1 2^3 β Ο
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︎ May 31 2020
Why do 1, 2, 3, 5, and 7 keep attacking me?
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︎ Apr 13 2020
A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.
He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"
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︎ Jun 16 2020
My dad named his iPhone "Titanic 1," his iPad "Titanic 2," and his MacBook "Titanic 3"
I asked him how he came up with those names.
He said, "Because they're all syncing."
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︎ Mar 25 2020
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote βAntβ in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
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︎ Jun 27 2020
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 17 2020
I went traveling to find the best pie. A pie in Jamaica costed 1.50$. One in Cuba was therefore only 1$. The most expensive I found was on the Bahamas and costed a whopping 3$. I might write a book about this...
I'll name it the Pie-rates of the Carribean
-Not mine, my dad's I have full disclosure to use it though :)
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︎ Apr 11 2020
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
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︎ Aug 22 2019
I heard my teenager mumbling in her sleep. She kept repeating, "1,3,5,7,9"
Literally she can't even.
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︎ Jun 05 2018
Went to the local deli and ordered 1 lb of Swiss. The clerk gave me 3.5 lb instead.
I guess he went ham on that Swiss.
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︎ Dec 16 2019
Well It's 1 for the Money, 2 For the Show, 3 To Get Ready.....
4 For Sales
5 For Customer Service or
6 to hear these options again
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︎ Jan 02 2019
In Jamaica, an Apple pie costs about $2.00, while a Pecan pie costs $2.50 and a Rhubarb pie costs $3.00. In the Bahamas, an Apple pie is $1.50, a Pecan pie is $2.00, and a Rhubarb pie is $2.50.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
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︎ May 28 2019
1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri
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︎ Sep 26 2019
Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are unfaithful....
Now I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend.
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︎ Mar 26 2019
When I was in high school, our prank was to release pigs with 1,3 and 5 painted on them.
After looking for 2 and 4 like crazy they thought...... That's odd
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︎ Aug 14 2019
Why are 1 and 3 jealous of 2?
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︎ Apr 16 2019
I want to get my buddy a good present but all I can find is a painting that has a prostitute saying, "1,2,3,4..." and I don't think he'll like it.
But it's the thot that counts.
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︎ Jul 15 2019
Choose a number between 1 and 10. Now multiply it by 2, add 3, and subtract 7. Close your eyes.
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︎ Dec 27 2018
A boy climbed up onto his Dad's shoulders and started reciting numbers "1... 2... 3..." His father said "Hey! What are you doing? Get off of there..."
His son replied "Dad - don't let me down. I'm counting on you."
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︎ Apr 17 2018
3 part dad joke - 2 clean, 1 not
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye?
A: No-eye-deer
Q: What do call a deer with no eye and no legs?
A: Still no-eye-deer
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye, no legs and no penis?
A: Still no-fucking-eye-deer
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︎ Jul 20 2019
Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were not in my favor
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︎ Jan 09 2021
3 unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
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︎ May 21 2020
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Yoda: In charge of scheduling, I was.
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︎ Jun 29 2020
I challenged number 1 to a fight, but he bought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9
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︎ Aug 27 2019
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
Edit: Thanks so much!! This is my first award!
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︎ Dec 24 2019
I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
π︎ 106
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︎ Aug 27 2019
Why did Star Wars 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3?
Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was.
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︎ Jun 30 2019
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
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︎ Oct 18 2019
This joke ends in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1
Itβs a four-gone conclusion.
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︎ Dec 10 2019
I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
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︎ Aug 30 2019
I had a dream about 1, 3 and 5 last night...
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︎ Jan 03 2020
Statistics say that 1 out if 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.
This worries me heavily, it could either be my wife or my girlfriend!
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︎ Aug 17 2019
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
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︎ Oct 22 2016
1,3,5,7,9...
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︎ Apr 24 2019
So, the other day I got into a fight with 1,3,5,7 and 9.
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︎ Jun 17 2018
This weekβs winning lottery numbers are 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
I mean, what are the odds?
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︎ Sep 02 2018
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