A recent study in America asked people their preferred butter

48% of Americans chose real butter, whilst the other 51% opted for a substitute.

The study concluded that imitations are only margarineally butter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_wild_redditer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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Bus driver dad joked the entire bus.

I was on a bus route headed to Target to pick up some groceries. I was in a hurry so I had opted for the express route. The bus picks up on the part of my college campus where the streets are named after the great lakes. We pass Erie and Ontario, and the bus driver comes over the intercom and says:

"This bus will be express from Huron out."

Everybody groans, the driver has a good chuckle, and I begin laughing like a maniac.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LurchPuppy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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I'm 28 and engaged but no kids yet. I feel the dad within me.

Today, I went out to lunch with some fellas from my office, Dave and Mike.

We all opted for the "beer and sandwich deal": any beer < $6 and any sandwich from the lunch menu for $10. Can't beat that in Hoboken, NJ.

One of my coworkers ordered a Sam Adams something-or-other and our bouncy little waitress pranced off to fetch our beverages. When the waitress returned with our potables she placed a beer, amber in color, 1/2" or so foamy head, in front of my coworker and said:

"Sam?"

To which I immediately announced "No, that's Dave."

Laughs were had all around. I cringed at myself but I couldn't help it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmbridge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
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Should we have a spiral stairway or a curved stair in our house?

I'm opting for the ladder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushWolf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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My father came over last night for a beer

And he says to me, about my fireplace, "you oughta use your grate. It may burn hotter and faster." Told him I opted out of using it simply because the fireplace is small. Texted him later that night, "I got that metal shelf in the fireplace, and whaddya know, IT WORKS GRATE." He's yet to reply to me still...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PouringBeard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2016
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My daughter made me proud with this dad-joke.

The whole family is together at the dinner table and my brother had just gotten a new cat. Instead of letting the cat get into trouble he opted to put it in the cat carrier while we ate. Sneaky little thing got out of it's carrier and my daughter blurts out, "Well the cat's out of the bag!" ^I'm ^so ^proud. ^^tear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hanktank
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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Co-Worker Hit Me With This One

(I gave a couple people a ride home after work and we stopped at walmart.)

Me: I looked around in the electronics department and found a new mouse pad.

Co-Worker: Oh yeah?

Me: Yeah, I opted to go with the larger one.

Co-Worker: So its a rat pad?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haylow1221
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
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