That means every falcon alive now is a millennial falcon.
What do you call James Bond when he's twice as late??
008 (Doubly late)
The first 635 days. LOL
When I asked them what law he'd broken, they told me he was resisting a rest.
I replied, “That’s 15 love.”
Secretly (when my wife was out), I'd ask her "who do you love more?", and praise her when she said "dadda!". This has been going on for weeks now.
The other day, my wife got home and I wanted to show her my little 'trick'. So I asked our daughter, "Who do you love more?", in which case she replied "dadda!" and ran towards my wife (which is very clearly her favourite btw).
My wife, who didn't care much for the new thing I taught our daughter, bent down and picked her up to cuddle with her. Her facial expression changed a bit, then she laughed. She looked at me and said "well, she ran to me as she said that, and her diaper is full... so clearly she was full of crap when she said that!"
My wife is now in on the dad jokes and won this one!
Edit: Bolded the text to emphasize what part of this story was the dad joke...
Final Edit: My wife was surprised at how much this blew up! She says thanks to everyone, but she has no idea what the awards are for (since she doesn’t use Reddit). 😂
My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!
- I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
- I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
- I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
- I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
- I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
- I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
- I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
- I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are “cremation” or “burial,” not “smoking” or “non-smoking.”
- I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
- I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
- I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
- I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
- I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
- I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
- I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
- I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
- I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
- I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
- I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
- I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
- I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
- I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
- I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
- I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
- I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
- I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
- I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
- I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
- I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
- I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
- I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
- I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
- I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit
But he was 0K.
I'm not sure whether that was Euros or suitcases.
Would have just been cheaper to get pi
Son: but you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad: I never said I was a good one....
Step 1
Step 2
Step 4
Step 7
Step 10
Step 15
Under new league rules they are quacking down on personal fowls.
She said "Finally after 15 years of marriage, you're spreading positivity".
To get to his mother on the other side.
(Courtesy of my 15 y/o)
No need to remind her every half hour.
Not because of my calculation skills, but because I go to sleep, when left unattended for 15 minutes.
My 15 year old asked me to call the dog.
Me: What should I call him?!
15: ugh, dad, call him by his name!
Wife: But he doesn't have a phone, how can I call him?
9-year-old: Well he DOES have collar ID!
I couldn't be more proud of that child!
He's kidding, right?
Edit - Kidding as kid-ing (being a kid)
People say he is 0K
"15 minutes after they did!"
This is a true story and happened this morning - worst thing is NONE OF THEM GOT THE JOKE.
I look up lighters and it gave me 15,000 matches
“I know I’m really blessed!” I responded.
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
0 K boomer
Credit: u/jamaisvu99
This stupid panic buying is ridiculous. I've just paid £15 for Oxo cubes...
The stock market's gone crazy!
"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."
Pfizer vaccination on Friday night at a local CVS. The place was packed and there was an older couple there thanking everyone for getting vaccinated. When my wife and daughter got home they were telling me about how packed it was. My daughter mentioned the older couple and said that when they thanked her, they asked which shot she received. “Pfizer”, she said. The couple said, “Well we’re Moderna folks!” My daughter asked me why that mattered…. Well, I said… In 2 years, all of us Modera folks will have grown two heads and all of you Pfizer people will probably have four arms. My daughter then looks innocently at both my wife and I and said, “what about the people that got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?” My wife and I completely lost it… we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. My daughter started laughing too, but had no idea.
Everyone thought he was crazy but he was 0K
Taken from u/HassanMehdi on r/technicallythetruth
It’s my dream job.
But most just have 4.
Dark, isn’t it?
But most have only four
You should have seen the look on her face as i drove pasta.
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
Surprisingly, it was about 80% French, 15% German, and a tad Pole..
I think he was 0K
Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
everyone said he was crazy but he was 0K.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
