I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...
... I love it when the clocks go forward!
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
Astronaut 1: Isthereaplacewecanhangoutafterwork?
Astronaut 2: Yeah, there’s a space bar right over there.
Astronaut 1: Great, wanna go after work?
Astronaut 2: Nah, not really; the drinks are great but there’s no atmosphere...
An apple pie in Jamaica is £1.50, a cherry pie in Barbados is £1.60 and a mince pie in Trinidad is £1.80.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
Ill see myself out
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
They say 1 in 4 people are Dyslexic and there's 4 people in my office.
It's either Me or Darren or Kevin or Anal.
Its's Anal isnt it.
Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?
It's my 1-year Reddit anniversary
Getting karma should be easy as cake
Edit: It’s a giant cake day celebration! Happy cake day everyone!!
The guy with 1 hater then
I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full"
I thought, "I can't turn that down".
Its 1:30 and im drunk, thought this was comical
What did the hispanic who took 2 too many drugs say? Help i think I over(dos)ed
Today I will be talking about the Makita 18V Cordless 1/2-Inch Hammer Drive
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's £1?"
He said, "That's Madeira cake"
Always look out for number 1...
Especially when eating snow.
We all know that Dracula is the #1 vampire and from Transylvania. But where is the #2 vampire from?
What's the difference between 1 and 2 acres?
Man #1: "Sir, would you like a pamphlet about our organization?
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper
And now I'm paying for it.
Apple Pie is a ridiculous $5 a slice in the U.S., but only $1 in Jamaica, the Bahamas, & the Virgin Islands
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
1 of the 2 women in my office has cast a spell on me...
I don't know which one is witch ?
I’m excited for Jan 1, 2021
Then I can finally say that hindsight is 2020.
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.
The odds were against me.
I went to cake shop and all the cakes were £1 except one which was £3...
I asked the shopkeeper why and he said "That's Madeira cake"
I had a problem with my anti-virus program, it kept saying I had 1 virus on my computer.
So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!
1-800-GET-RICH
If you, or a loved one, wear glasses and are being forced to wear a mask, you may be entitled to condensation.
I started counting from 1.
To continue after 9, I had to put in a lot of effort. It was in tens.
Why isn't 1 allowed to hang out with 0 anymore?
Because 1's mom says 0 is naughty
Painting my ceiling isn't exactly #1 on my priority list.
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
What motel serves breakfast at 1:00 pm?
I was walking past a shop, and there was a classic bomb in the window Beside it was a sign that read "$1, irreplaceable fuse"
I said to myself "That's an offer I can't refuse"
1 minute when she turns 62
I can never remember the Roman Numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500...
Here's a math joke:My friend said he turned into y=1/x...
but I think he was just being hyperbolic
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
DAD: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
SON: Envelope.
Theres only 1 bra I think about
This morning my 1 year old who can't walk very well held my hand and stepped down from a curb.
So young and already making great strides in life.
What do 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9 do when they’re angry?
Classroom pun day, week 1
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
Remember when they used to have air at the gas station for free? Now it’s $1.50
Air used to be free at gas stations, now it's $1.50. Know why?
I was attacked by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
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