A big cat was spotted winning every race he ran.

He was a cheetah

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of winning hands down?

Defeat!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theonlykelc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an award-winning potato snack?

A champion chip.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
When it comes to winning elections...

Either Biden your time or be Trumped.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife took off her shirt and bra during an argument where I was winning

It was a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 313
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in a cat competition that wasn't like your typical competition. They had a category for cat butts, which I ended up winning...

But it was just a cat-ass-trophy

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I keep winning the "Laziest Member" award at my gym.

10 years not running.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xero19
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set

You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ali_whi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL that academy award winning actor Bruce Dern was originally a train engineer.

Dern tootin’!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
*Me every time we pass a cow pasture* β€œDid you know those are award winning cows?”

They’re out standing in their field

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Casey_H3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was winning in a staring contest once...

and it was all taken away in the blink of an eye.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/richy923
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I am helping a gold-medal winning sprinter acheive the highest level of spiritual awareness.

...I feel like The Flash, because I too, am enlightening Bolt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
God finally answered my prayer for winning the $10 million lottery.

The answer was no.

πŸ‘︎ 226
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you name 3 places in Scotland that are also the names of Grand Prix winning racing drivers?
  1. (Lewis) Hamilton

  2. Stirling (Moss)

  3. Ayr Town Centre!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What takes less effort than winning a race by three feet?

Winning by forfeit

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovin_Brown
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the prize the baker won for winning the bread contest?

A Dough-gree

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ursppachulli
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What smells worse than winning?

Defeat.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendan_07
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the butter that was having a winning streak?

It was on a roll.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but unfortunately I had to stop.

The steaks were too high

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eltothebee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
transformers stay winning
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dirty_dan421
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If being cool was an act of terrorism then I'd be winning the Nobel Peace prize
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crispybacon62
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.

Apparently, that's unacceptable in bowling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to start a championship winning hide-and-seek team...

... But good players are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NYC_Dweller
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the award winning farmer?

He was out-standing in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_duderino_lux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I forgot that I had stashed a small rounded bread from dinner in my back pocket when I sat down at the roulette table... I immediately started winning!

I was on a roll!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
This week’s winning lottery numbers are 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.

I mean, what are the odds?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are there no winning race car drivers from Switzerland?

They're always in neutral.

P.S. Made a joke similar to this about a coworker who is runner from Switzerland. He actually groaned.

*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED*

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigger3370
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Congratulations to director Domee Shee and her Pixar crew for winning Best Animated Short at the Oscars!

Well deserved. Take a Bao.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksilog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A rodent has dreams of winning American Idol. His father says

β€œGopher it son”.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateChop231
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret to winning a pun contest is to stuff your shoes with underwear before the contest.

Seems to be working as I'm undie-feeted.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spinnerhead
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery

But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
There once was a farm, famed for the high quality of product from the award winning cows, many spoke of it in hushed, respectful tones, but none could say where it was, and many claimed, but none could prove that they had been there.

It was legendairy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahmaybe2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend started winning at poker after he was more patient and folded less...

He became a better bettor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm clearly winning in the family pun group text imgur.com/DQxgfoL
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnmazz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend recently got t-boned in his new car after winning the lottery. I asked him if he was a glass half full or glass half empty type of guy. He responded

Medium-well.

Edit: over-medium is for eggs

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UD_Gama_Reigh
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Ken, a master martial artist, was worried about winning his next fight. He asked his friend Ryu, "Do you think I can win this fight?" Ryu confidently responded:

"Shoryuken!"

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOtherAvaz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a russian do when he is winning in soccer and there is 5 minutes left in the game?

He starts Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
So the Atlantic and Pacific oceans were arm wrestling. At first the Pacific was winning, but then the Atlantic started to gain the upper hand.

You could say the tides have turned.

Ill be here all night folks.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShedATyr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Aussie say to the waiter after winning his chess match?

Check mate!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the game winning Super Bowl LIII touchdown?

It crosses the line.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinOfPop
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The key to winning in Battle Royale games is the element

Of supplies

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRage469
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a billboard that said my hospital had award winning stroke care

I found that statement to be one-sided

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother's farm is full of award winning cows.

They're all outstanding in their field.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heregoessomethong
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I won the lottery and spent all my winnings on 17th century paintings and classical instruments

It left me baroque.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
🚨︎ report
In honor of J.K. Simmons winning his Oscar for Whiplash...
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Simpsolover
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
🚨︎ report

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