What’s the difference between a lousy trashy stand up comedian, and a father making jokes about pens?
One is bad at telling dick jokes, the other is dad at telling Bic jokes.
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw some blood
I hate working for what I want. Capitalism has ruined everything. Every time I dip my pen in the company ink, nine months later my wife hires a new employee.
What did the French monarchy do to bad pens?
Who always gets blamed for letting the farm animals out of their pens?
I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
What's the relationship between Octopi and Pens?
They have a lot ink-common.
If the pen is mightier than the sword then what does that make paper?
Did you hear about the new pen that can write underwater?
It can write other words too.
The baby sheep got out of their pen and I impulsively grabbed a sheep with my right hand and a sheep with my left...
I guess I'm just lambidextrous...
I'll show y'all to the door.
The best pen ever made will be the second to last ever made...
Because it would be penultimate.
"Mark my words—" said the pen...
... but the scissors cut him off.
What did the ninja delivery boy say to the office manager when he was delivering an unexpected order of pens, pencils, and paper goods?
Highlighter pens are the future.
Q. E. D... Pen is mightier than the sword!
Why was the baby pen sad?
Because it saw its mommy pen starting a long sentence
The devil was sold a bunch of leaky fountain pens when visiting Turku, which used to be the capital of Finland.
Did you know the queen has a vape pen?
She calls it her crown Juul.
What did the sorority girl say when she lost her pen?
"I literally cannot even write now!"
A rancher with only 95 cattle managed to get 100 into the pen.
All he had to do was round them up.
I pricked myself with my pen the other day...
Have you seen the new pen that writes underwater, upside down and in outer space?
It writes lots of other words too.
No one knows the best pen producer...
I saw two chickens wrestling in the pen today.
I think I saw one of them flip a bird, but I'm not sure.
My son said he coloured himself with a highlighter pen from the neck upwards during work today.
I think it's a bold-faced lie.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
Why was the man frustrated at the ballpoint pens sorted in columns?
Because he preferred things arranged by row.
Did you hear about the train made out of pens, pencils and rulers that wouldn’t move?
They tried swapping the rulers for erasers but it remained stationary.
I’m convinced that highlighters are the pens of the future.
Did you hear about the guy who barely survived getting trampled in a horse pen?
They found him in stable condition.
I went to a tattoo parlour and told the guy I wanted a tattoo of a pen.
He said, "Permanent?"
I said, "No, fountain."
Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.
In fact, there is still no e-quill.
Did you hear about the man who robbed a bank with a pen?
He held his hostages at ballpoint
Why did the founding fathers chew on their pens?
They wanted "in da pen dents"
Spain surprised the world by taking a stand by banning pens and enforcing the use of quills for handwriting.
No one expected the Spanish Ink Position.
I used a magic marker to clean some pen marks off of the counters at work.
Whats mightier then the pen?
Why does the White House not have complimentary pens?
Because Trump is bringing his own Pence.
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
Why did the pen disappear?
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
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