Z Trip Puns

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles, and now I’m experiencing some unexpected vowel movements. The next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

I don't know what he laced them with.... But I was tripping all day!

Not sure what they were laced with but I’ve been tripping all day

(first post here guys, go easy)

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!

One trips over and says "Christ"

The guy in the middle says "Yes"

You'll have a nice trip

He found, bike path, walking path, career path.

He really struggled for a fourth path, so when I entered the room he tripped me up and held my head onto the floor while threatening me to tell him what another path is.

I screamed "Sociopath!"

Pulled this on my wife on a road trip

Rules: In a thick Italian accent, you say "Imma A" and your target says "Imma not A" after you. You both go through the alphabet that way together

Me: Imma A!

Wife: Imma not A (confused)

Me: Imma B!

Wife: Imma not B

Me: Imma C!

Wife: Imma not C

Me: You're a WHAT?!

She groan-screamed and pretended i didnt exist for 10 miles

A guy walks into a bar and trips and falls sustaining a horrible injury. "Hold still," the bartender exclaims. "We have a Red Cross nurse right here that can help you!" "Just my luck," mutters the guy, "Why couldn't I have a blonde cheerful nurse instead?"

Ethel lived with her parents on one side of town, and Dan had an apartment to himself on the other side. Ethel tried to visit Dan as often as she could but it was two buses each way to visit Dan. Ethel decided to get a car to make the trip to see Dan easier. Do you know what sort of car she got? Sedan.

… but everyone I know already has two.

(as told to the wife and kids on a cross-state trip this morning)

My wife and I took an evening trip, wanting a little extra time together I turned the “Avoid Highways” option on, on the GPS.

We get routed into a BAD neighborhood. Boarded up windows, people on edge because of us strangers there, dogs barking and what sounds like gunshots.

My wife is on edge as I turn down a street called “Smothers Road”.

As we go down it, I look over and ask her, “Do you know why this is such a dangerous road?”

She replies “No.”

I say “It’s because when you get robbed on this road it’s not just one person doing it. It’s one person and Smothers”.

Tripped a fan.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I didn't expect to see you in here tonight," the bartender comments. "Weren't you and your buddies making plans to go to the Indian Casino tonight?" "Yeah we were, but I just wasn't sure I really wanted to join in the plans to go. You know, you have to commit to the trip and get the hotel room and everything," the guy replies. "I guess I was having a reservation reservation reservation."

To set the scene: we were all in the car, a 3-row vehicle, on the way back from a 7-hour road trip. Occasionally my son would get bored and decide to harass his siblings in the middle row. Six hours in, I was done with telling everyone to behave.

My daughter: "Dad! <Son> is throwing things at me!"
Me, exasperated: "Tell your mother, I'm driving."
Daughter, without missing a beat: "Mom, Dad's driving."

I almost had to pull over from laughing.

When asked about his trip William said “It was out of this world”.

Because every time he leaves it he says “I’ll be back.”

Ps I came up with this dad joke on my 3rd trip to Home Depot today dammit.

Dad Awards

To truly capture the “Spirit of the Dad” what are some achievements you think make a True Dad?

1. “Fixed it!” - complete an entire home improvement project in a single trip to the hardware/lumber store.

2. “Gotcha!” - demonstrate the Dad Reflex by catching a toddler seconds before disaster.

3. “That’s my boy/girl!” - get in trouble with the SO when your son/daughter picked up a bad habit of yours, or develops your bad sense of humor/pranks.

4. “Here boy!” - develop a stronger bond with the new family pet than any of the kids who wanted it in the first place.

5. “Office time” - spend at least 30 minutes in the bathroom hiding from the kids/spouse even though you don’t actually have to go to the bathroom.

6. “Blame it on the dog” - make at least one passenger choke on a fart in the car.

7. “Really?” - have a kid/spouse completely buy in to one of your bad dad jokes. (I had my wife convinced for nearly an hour that the rumble strips on the side of the highway was called the “Brailleway” and it was for blind drivers)

8. “But the kids will love it!” - use the kids as justification to purchase something that you’ve always wanted.

9. “Try it, you’ll like it!” - introduce a kid into your hobby as an excuse to go out more often than the spouse would usually tolerate.

10. “Saved the day!” - prevent a meltdown by fixing the favorite toy that seemed completely destroyed.

11. “Animal surgeon” - conduct ‘surgery’ to patch up a favorite stuffed animal.

12. “Here, let me show you” - take over a video game under the guise of showing the kid how to play.

What else can you add to this list?

I told him, "you shouldn't trip over a breaker...

It's a real turn off."

He was not amused.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster

Next trip to the toilet could spell disaster..

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell DEJA VU

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster I said!

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day

I don’t know what they were laced with but I have been tripping all day.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

Dunno what they're laced with but I've been tripping for days.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster…..

I  don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Doctor: You know your next trip to bathroom could spell DISASTER.

I don't know what they're laced with but I've been tripping all day!

I don’t know what he laced them with but he was tripping all day

The doctor said his next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster

I’m not sure what they were laced with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Not sure what they were laced up with but I've been tripping all day!

Credit to my mom

Huge mistake. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!

Patient: I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles. Doctor: You know your next trip to bathroom could spell DISASTER.

The next trip to the toilet could spell disaster

Don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day...

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

He wasn't too sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!