A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
I asked my fisherman friend, “How much money do you make for your catch?”
He said, “I don’t discuss my .....net worth.”
What did the Norwegian money lender say when he arrived at your front door?
If you’re going to put your money on something, make it yeast
It will always make your dough rise.
My son borrows money from me every week, so I told him, “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.”
He said, “Oh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.”
The irony of putting Tooth Fairy money in his How To Train Your Dragon bank
What's an easy way to double your money?
Hold it in front of a mirror
How do you get money into your mouth?
If you want to be wise with your money, don't buy any belts
Because it will just go to waist.
Banks could have kept your money in big bags, but no...
You'll get your money in hell!
My wife is really pissed that I spent a lot of money to buy a make your own perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
IRS Auditor: For your tax return, you just wrote down “Money for Nothing, Checks for Free??”
Me: Am I in trouble?
Auditor: Yes. In Dire Straits.
When your loyal subscribers on YouTube go even further and start giving you money
What sort of money do need if you want to start your own landscaping business?
Today my son learned that banks pay you to keep your money and earn more with it.
He said it was interesting.
Somebody came to me yesterday and said, "You're wasting your time and money on all these inventions!"
It was at this point that the Slap-A-Twat Automatic 3000 came into its own!
Cricket players involved in match fixing are sure to give you a run for your money.
Why should you never count your money while standing on an ant hill?
You might finance in your pants!
You can use your library card to take out money at an ATM...
... but you have to return it within two weeks.
What do you call a diseased short person who tries to take your money?
You better have your money ready if you order a platypus
'cause the bill is up front
Or your money back
Cracked this one on my wife and son today.
"Did you know your heart has a lifetime warranty? I guarantee that it will work until the day you die."
What's the reverse of withdrawing money from your account?
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
A friend of mine is constantly borrowing money. I said to him, “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of your debt situation.”
He said, “Oh please...you really should give me a bit more credit.”
Tax audit guy: It says in your file that you have money for nothing and checks for free.
Man: Am I in trouble?
Tax guy: Yes. In Dire Straits.
Robber: "Give me all your money or you are chemistry!"
Victim: "Don't you mean history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject!"
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