31 Hilarious You Wish Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

I met a magical Genie. He gave me one wish. I said, “I wish I could be you.”

The Genue saud, “Weurd wush but U wull grant ut.”

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👤︎ u/ToiletReadingAccount

📅︎ Nov 23 2021

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What do you call it when you put vinegar on your fries but then taste it and wish you hadn't?

Vinaigrette

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👤︎ u/arrenlex

📅︎ Dec 31 2021

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How do you wish a cop happy holidays?

Police Navidad!

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👤︎ u/Getoff_My_Lon_Cheney

📅︎ Dec 20 2021

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I'd like to wish you all a Happy Last Year!!

Cause, ykno...after midnight...it'll be 2020 too...

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👤︎ u/RanjitKumarSingh

📅︎ Dec 31 2021

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Wish you the best, Dev.

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👤︎ u/DevotionInChains

📅︎ Jul 16 2021

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How do you make a Wish Sandwich?

Get two pieces of bread, cut off the crusts, and you wish you had something in the middle!

Credit to my grandpa for that one.

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👤︎ u/Xynopit

📅︎ Aug 14 2021

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What does the genie say when you wish for a $50 bill?

I’ll ‘Grant’ it

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👤︎ u/PonianYoutube

📅︎ May 06 2021

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Me: “Oh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: “Why? What’d she tell you?”

Me: “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening”

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👤︎ u/decentname99

📅︎ Feb 12 2021

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What do you call someone that studies the science of wish granting?

A genie-ologist.

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👤︎ u/DoctorCreepy

📅︎ Jan 21 2021

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I wish you well

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👤︎ u/bafferlf

📅︎ Jul 07 2020

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Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: “Noah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”

Rather worried, Noah said “But my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

“No, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

“Then why another ark?” Asked Noah.

“I wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded “Okay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

“But not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied “Uh- okay my Lord.”

“One more thing.” The Lord said unto him “it needs to have multiple levels.”

“Are you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: “I want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

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👤︎ u/Dongwaffler

📅︎ Oct 08 2020

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I wish you f(ALL) the same

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👤︎ u/theEndWasShit

📅︎ Oct 07 2019

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My girlfriend lives in another city. Last night she texted me saying "I wish you were here; the rains are beautiful".

I replied with "So...you want me to c'monsoon?"

She hasn't replied yet.

Guess she stormed out.

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👤︎ u/srinivas-seshadri

📅︎ Jul 09 2016

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What do you call an intelligent wish fulfiller?

A Genie-us

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👤︎ u/okmango69

📅︎ Aug 25 2020

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Genie: You have three wishes. Me: Nice! I wish for pie.

Genie: Fine. You can have 3.14 wishes.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Nov 01 2018

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Genie: You have one wish left

Dave: I wish I was Rich!

Genie: Granted

Rich: Nice

(Sorry for formatting, mobile app is the embodiment of a bucket with a hole in it)

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👤︎ u/LucasM__

📅︎ Sep 09 2019

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This community is a pun safe haven, but other subs have been oppressed by anti-punners. If you wish to join any pun war sub look in comments

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👤︎ u/I-Eat-Donuts

📅︎ Jul 11 2019

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Don’t you wish you could carve breasts out of wood?

You could carve large ones or small ones, any size you want. Wooden tit be nice?

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👤︎ u/bunsofsteel_MRI_boy

📅︎ Feb 01 2020

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The thread on this r/AskReddit question: Married people of Reddit, what one piece of advice you wish you could give to yourself when you were single?

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👤︎ u/ARandomOven

📅︎ Oct 27 2018

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I wish you could make jelly out of music...

That would be the jam.

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👤︎ u/aaroniusnsuch

📅︎ Mar 12 2019

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Genie: You have one wish. Me: How much money does Jeff Bezos have?

Genie: Not sure exactly.

Me: Give me a ballpark figure.

...Now I’m the size of Yankee stadium.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Nov 18 2018

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"I wish you would stop gambling!" I shouted at my son.

"You're no better yourself!" he snapped.

I said, "Exactly. That's why I don't encourage it."

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi

📅︎ Jan 12 2019

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Her: Don’t you wish we could throw a dart randomly at the globe and go visit the place where it lands?

Me: Not really. There is a 70% chance we will be in the middle of the ocean.

Her: This is why no one hangs out with us anymore.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Jan 12 2018

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Since it’s December 23rd I want to wish you all merry Christmas Adam!

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👤︎ u/tommytnuts

📅︎ Dec 23 2018

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Her: I wish the man upstairs blessed you with some brains!

Me: Why the hell is there a man upstairs?

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Jun 27 2018

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My wish to you upsidedowngrin.com/collec…

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👤︎ u/upsidedowngrincom

📅︎ May 22 2015

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I'm going to make you wish you were never hatched...

Me: But I wasn't hatched

Dad: It's working!

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👤︎ u/jw7991

📅︎ Sep 15 2013

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Doughnut you wish you could make your wife and daughter laugh?

I was holding my daughter's hand as she was throwing a fit while getting her nails clipped by my wife. To calm her down, I asked her when her fingers had turned into doughnuts.

sniff Doughnuts? sniff

Yeah, Doughnuts. It's obvious that you've got some bearclaws

crickets

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👤︎ u/1-adam-12

📅︎ Feb 07 2014

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I met a magic genie and he gave me a single wish. I said "I wish I could be you."

The genue saud, "Weurd wush but OK u wull grant ut."

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👤︎ u/WantedDadorAlive

📅︎ Nov 14 2021

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Genie: What is your final wish? Boy: I wish I were you.

Genue: weurd but alrught.

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👤︎ u/simplyGagi

📅︎ Sep 09 2019

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How do you wish a math teacher farewell?

3.14 3.14

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👤︎ u/GGDominated

📅︎ Mar 05 2018

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