Rudolph and his grandson are on a walk one evening when he sees a storm approaching. Rudolph says, we should head back before it starts pouring. How do you know it’s gonna rain? asks the grandson.
Rudolph the red knows raindear
My son asked me at the Museum. "Dad, do you think we are allowed to take pictures?"
"No, I think they need to stay on the wall"
We are having a penis painting themed birthday party for a friend. I have run dry on puns in this category. Looking for a good pun to name the group. Thank you in advance
Two similar looking boys join a school. Their teacher asks them... are you twins? They say, no we are neighbours.
Teacher: "Oh, Happy Fathers Day!"
"Yoda, are you sure we are heading in the right direction?"
Yoda replies: "off course we are"
Hey dad today we learn about eclipses, do you know what they are
True story. We had our septic tank pumped out today. I said you sure are a patient man.
You take a lot of crap from people and never lose your cool.
We’re you aware that the NFL has a rule on professional athletes and the animals they can own as pets? They are prohibited from owning a duck as a pet!
Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.
The election results have been un-presidented.
Saw this on r/unexpected, thought it was funny so here we are :) I’ll be sure to add the link to the OG post in the comments incase you wanna see it
Turkey walks into a bar. The bartender looks a little confused and asks "who are you?" Turkey replied "I'm a wild turkey." Bartender replied "oh we have a drink named after you!"
Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"
My son learned about radioactive decay in chemistry class, he was real excited when he got home and had a million questions. He wanted to build a reactor in the back yard. I told him we couldn’t. “What, are you not smart enough?”
“No U”
I’ll see myself out.
Friday was roasting saturday and sunday brutally yet they never occurred a word. Wednesday, being a harmonist, asked them why they stayed mum for which they replied, "because we are weakened in front of you guys".
On a Sunday morning in church, a priest starts his sermon and says: "Dear Lord, without you we are but dust"...
Hearing this, a little girl leans over to her mother and loudly asks: "Mommy, what is butt dust?"
*Me every time we pass a cow pasture* “Did you know those are award winning cows?”
They’re out standing in their field
At are auto repair shop we had a dog once drink a whole pan of gas. Dog ran, ran as fast as you’d ever see and then just stopped and fell to the floor.
In car earlier with wife, daughter, parents. We drive by a cemetery. My dad says “you guys know how many people are dead in there?”
In unison dead pan my wife and mother: “all of them”
Reddit, We are going to start a furniture up-cycling project and are looking for punny names, what can you come up with?
I couldn't come up with any good ones myshelf.
Me: "We had ribeye for supper, you can microwave some leftovers if you are hungry." Son: "No, y'all ate it all."
Me: "What!? There must be some missed steak!"
My 2 year old is playing with Lego and I said "are you going to be an engineer?" my wife says we always need more engineers!
I said "yeah, engines are quite deaf"
We have some eggs that are going to expire soon. If you can make something with them...
As we drive by a Cemetery he says you know how many people are buried there?
"I don't know"
"All of them"
"I'm telling r/dadjokes"
We have a 'Where are you?' board in my house. My dad thinks he's funny
“Yoda, are you sure we are going in the right direction?”
[At the museum] My wife: Do you think we are allowed to take pictures?
Me: No, I think they need to stay on the wall.
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