When you’re not feeling well but you’re still cute

You’re pretty sick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/detroitsouthpaw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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Need Hella Puns

https://preview.redd.it/wa3s3ozxftc61.png?width=4500&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f10d36e95914e4d39ec2312ce5176a062911b1

Who thinks they're punny?! πŸ˜œβ €β €I sketched this Hellraiser holding a cactus and thought it'd make a cute Valentine's Day card. I'm in the process of colouring it and I want YOU to help me caption it.β €

I've asked the question on IG (@ashrobertsondesign) but didn't get a lot of feedback so I'm reaching out here. Gimme your best prick, point, hell, etc. related puns n make it about love πŸ”₯

I'll choose a favourite from the comments and turn it into a FREE Valentine's Day card printable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashtrobertson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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Mother-in-law is in Prison. Need a good prison pun for Mothers Day Card.

So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.

So far I got:

You're ex-cell-ent mom!

I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!

Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)

^((But they're kind of trash))

Ideas from others:

Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vitamorior
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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My husband’s adding to his stash of dad jokes for our future childrenβ€”here’s an especially eye-rolling example when we were walking back from class today.

I noticed a couple of really cute ground squirrels that have started a little community next to the soccer field at our college campus, and pointed them out. This was his reply.

DH: Oh man, they’re adorable! Can you buy one of those at a pet store? I wonder how much they’d gopher....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lifeinsuitcase
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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My niece picked up a stuffed animal recently.

It was a cat inside a banana peel. She kept going on and on about "It's so cute." I asked her "So you're telling me it has appeal?" I think a part of her died at that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alf-was-here
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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Dadjoked the dentist just now.

My wife, our newborn, and I came to the dentist for my wife's appointment. The Doctor leans over the front desk and starts making those noises women make when babies are seen.

Doc: awwww he's soooo cute! How's he doing?

Me: well actually doctor, that's why we're here. You see, he was born without teeth.. and we're kinda worried about that.

It took them (the doctor, assistant, and my wife) a few seconds to realize I was trying (failing) to make a joke. You should've seen my big dopey smile :-)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nankilslas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
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Dad... Stop....

I had a great date with my girlfriend, and we're leaving the house right as Dad pulls into the driveway. We just got a new puppy, and I was explaining to him that the puppy wasn't even shy around her. His response?

"Hey, neither were you, eh?"

She thought it was cute. I almost died.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchonRush
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2014
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I went in to Starbucks with my 10 month old son on my hip.

The barista said to him, "ooh you're so cute!"

I replied, "thanks, but I'm married."

She looked really embarrassed, though I'm not sure if she was embarrassed because of me or for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/on_the_ground
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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Designated Driver

I'm not usually one for bars, but since the smoking ban in Illinois, they're not so bad. I'm not much of a drinker either, but this one place in particular offers free soft drinks for designated drivers of groups of three or more. You have to get them from a location separate from the bartender. You declare yourself upon entering the place, then your hand is marked, and from that point, you're not allowed alcohol, but you get the free soft drinks.

Their specialty is their own brand of a mixed fruit drink that's really good. It's popular enough that you're usually standing behind six or seven people to wait your turn. So, Saturday night, while I'm waiting for mine, this cute blonde walks up behind me. I figured I'd try to be witty and asked her, "Can I buy you a drink?"

She scowled at me with, "Well aren't you the funny one?"

"What's with the attitude?" I asked her.

"Sorry," she said. "It's them." And she thumbed toward a table with (would you believe it?) a brunette and a redhead.

"Why?" I asked. "What'd they do?"

"I'm just getting sick of it," she said. "Every time we come here, it's always me in the punch line."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myntrith
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
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Dating Drama

I went on a few dates with a girl who works at Macy's. We chat a lot and then she sprung a weird question on me. She said, "my boss thinks you're cute and wants your number. Should I give it to her?" I told her I'd prefer to keep dating her and not her boss, but if she just wanted to be friends, then she could give her my number, which she did.

When I told this story to my dad, he said, "you could date both of them at the same time and choose the most interesting one." I said, "that sounds like that could be a reality show" and without missing a beat he said, "yeah, it could be called Macy's Date Parade."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tolerantlychaotic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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hunting dad

Dad:I can't wait for hunting season. Mom: You never shoot anything, I don't get you. Dad:Its just nice being outside and sometimes I look through the scope and almost pull the trigger. Mom:Of course you do honey you're such a cute wuss sometimes. Dad:Good thing for you I am Mom:Why'd you say that honey? Dad: Sometimes you're very deer to me sweetheart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iforgotoops
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2016
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GF got me good this morning

We both got off shift in the am and we're hanging out and being cute when this transpired.

Me: I love you. Her: I hope so. Me: I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Her: Yeah you would, it's your house.

We both laugh. More so me to the point that she asked me if I'm okay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hooks_And_Needles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
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My co-worker got me today

It was spirit week at work (to raise money for American Cancer Society) and today was pajama day. I showed up in my pink owl pajamas and looked real cute. Anyways as we're leaving, he almost slips on the hardwood, forgetting he wasn't wearing shoes.

Me: (laughing) are you okay? Him: yeah, I'm sure that was a real... Hoot. insert groans from other co workers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrissKross94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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He's just sooo funny.

*laying in bed on my phone as my dad is standing at my door.

Dad: "What're you doing"

Me: "Just looking on reddit"

A smile slowly creeps across his face..

Dad: "What did you read" Then proceeds to slap knee and walk away.

At least he's cute..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sireeeena
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
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My husband dad joked me today

Snippet of our Google Chat conversation while we're both at work, I had sent him some info for my sinus pain:

> Him: you have a cute sign of eye tits

> Me: LOL what

> Him: Acute sinusitis

> Me: OH MY GOD.

> Me: You.

> Him: :D

He's not even a dad yet.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
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Dads and goats

Just showed my dad a picture on /r/aww of that cute baby goat today.

Dad: What is that??

Me: It's a baby goat! Isn't that so cute?

Dad: You're KIDding me, right?

And of course proceeds to howl in laughter at his genius. Oh, you...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emmojojojo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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