I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
A press conference was held with the lead of the school's administration about bullying
He said it has to be stopped, it's a matter of principal
My wife called me at work and said “it’s time, the baby is coming”
I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
A local Amish told me he wasn't against progress
As long as it doesn't involve change
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
My daughter goes to a school that requires a uniform. Occasionally, the administration will reward the children with a free dress day.
For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???
What do you call a pencil that doesn't work?
Only works when spoken instead of typed out
Happy administrator noise
Why did I stop and take a shot of vodka when I was running late to work?
That's what I do when I'm Russian
What kind of fax machine did the Trump Administration use?
An alternative facts machine.
Once, when working in a store, a man dressed as a a wizard approached the counter...
He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"
I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".
This ice truck on my way to work.
Hopefully atleast this meme works
Boss can’t see her employee’s hard work
My wife called me at work and told me one of our envelopes is giving her an attitude
I told her I will address it when I get home
how do stealth airplanes work?
My friend and I are working on a tight deadline in our Dracula action figure business.
I have to make every second Count.
I was going through the checkout when my card didn't work. The cashier said that I should try the card again.
I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".
I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.
I was walking home from work, talking to my husband on the phone. He asked me where I was. I said I passed a garden full of gnomes. He said he knew the one I was talking about.
I said "So it's a well gnome garden".
I laughed harder than he did.
What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts snugly in a tight hole and works best when pulled.
I have a rare condition that means I never get days off from work.
It’s due to my weekend immune system
What do you call a procrastinator who has others do all the work for them?
Please answer soon, thanks!
My grandpa worked the mines his entire life
I really miss him, he was the coalest man I knew
When I was younger I had to work in a cheap pizza shop to get by.
I was going to go work at a herb garden...
...but I didn't have enough thyme
What the fuck has happened to this sub!?
http://m.imgur.com/ImM3RWz
One administrator of Cloud City struck a New Deal with the Empire: Franklin DeLando Roosevelt
When 2 things just work together perfectly they're a
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
What do you call a holy man who works at McDonald's?
I refuse to believe that my road work father was stealing from his job.
But when i got home all the signs were there.
I’m dating a midget who work as a pilot
What works faster than a calculator?
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works..
What was the sad teenager listening to while they were forced to do yard work?
What do you call a guy working at the library?
When I was working at McDonald’s I had to wait on an NBA team.
So I used to work at an orange juice factory...
But I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
My friend wanted to work at a cemetery
I told him it was a dying business.
My parents always pushed me to get a big job. So i worked at a soda company just to sprite them.
There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
Which Star Wars character works in a restaurant?
I was doing a crossword at work...
..a colleague came up to me and said, "I've got a good clue for you: "A postman's round"
I thought about it then asked, "How many letters?"
To which he replied, "Hundreds!"
Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?
Why was the broom late for work?
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.
Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.
I told my niece that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.
She said, "How do you know it was on it’s way to work?”
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