A list of puns related to "Wood Name"
The other replied, βTiiiiimmmber!β
Lord Of The Dings
Hi there. Iβm starting a side hustle making wood art, pyrography, live edge tables and such. Any suggestions for a name? Thanks
The moose replies "no u"
I named him Clint Eatswood.
Now he's just Dav.
Because heβs an office sir.
I sometimes go to the βIdiot of the Yearβ event in our prairie town, where each year hundreds of people from the town and nearby villages gather in the community hall for jokes and a guessing game. It starts with various people coming on stage to tell bad jokes, and finishes with the guessing game, which involves the master of ceremonies pulling a blanket off a mystery object on stage. The first person to name the object gets the βIdiot of the Yearβ trophy, which is an old shoe nailed to a block of wood. Three years ago, the object was an old bicycle, and Melvin Sneeter, who works in the local hardware store, was the first to yell out βbicycleβ. Two years ago, Cynthia Frizzle, a housewife from the nearby town of Spuzzum, was correct with βtricycleβ. And last year, the object was a bit more difficult, so the trophy wasn't awarded, because nobody knew the name of that one-wheeled contraption that you must balance and pedal.
This is a compilation from the internet, and a few I made or heard myself. Hope you laugh!
^((Elephant Jokes were a thing from the 1960s. You can read about them on Wikipedia.))
^((Each section should be read all at once, in order. Some sections also reference previous sections. ))
Q: Why did the elephant run from the mouse?
A: Because it had a bazooka.
Q: Why did the mouse chase the elephant?
A: To steal the bazooka.
Q: Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?
A: So it could hide in a cherry tree.
Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: Works, doesn't it?
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is hiding in a cherry tree?
A: Tickle the cherries and see if they laugh.
Q: What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
A: A giraffe eating cherries.
Q: How can you tell if there have been elephants in your fridge?
A: There are footprints in the custard.
Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails yellow?
A: That's not paint, it's custard.
Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red, blue, green, orange, yellow, and brown?
A: So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
Q: How did the mouse break his back?
A: He tried to carry a bag of M&Ms home from the store.
Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.
Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.
Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 1 and 2 in the afternoon?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the oak tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the oak tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.
Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the oak tree?
A: It thought it was a game.
Q: And why did the oak tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.
Q: Why is it dangerous to walk in the forest between 3 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants fall out of the oak trees.
Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A bear that crossed the woods at 3:30 in the afternoon.
Q: How can you tell if thereβs an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q: How can you tell if there's an elephant in your bed?
A: He has a big 'E' on hi
... keep reading on reddit β‘With a confused but serious look the officer replied "The (city-name) Police Department doesn't have any balls sir". After my brief chuckle he used the force to arrest me. Not the light force or the dark force. He used excessive force. The light sabers are black and made of wood but they really hurt. The force was strong with that one.
His name is Clint. Clint Eats-wood.
(I can't take credit for this one, I heard it on the radio this morning.)
But I broke it off.
A centipede with a wooden leg.
TLDR - I'd like to figure out how to work in "well hung" into my wood sign business name.
I'm up and running in a specific genre (sort of crass, inappropriate, edgy sayings, quotes, etc) and "well hung" works great as it fits well on both ends - edgy vibe I'm going for, and also...they are signs that need to be hung...well. I'd like a domain name that's available and well hung dot com an any others I've tried are all taken.
Only other aspect that could (optionally) be worked in would be anything to do with the fact that I use reclaimed , recycled, throw-away wood for all my projects to do my little part in cutting down on the enormous underutilization and total waste of wood that's happening everyday in America. I suppose if I have to I could drop the "well hung" thing and go that way if I like it more.
Suggestions?
This old bloke I know just passed away. He was well known in the community for his wood turning - bowls, furniture - you name it, he did it. So for the funeral, they decided to bury his prized lathe right there next to him.
It's a nice gesture - but I know he'd be turning in his grave if he knew.
There once was a lumberjack who was known as the hardest working lumberjack in the woods. Old Doolittle Dawort Deigh had a reputation and the complete respect of his coworkers for nearly 60 years. As we all know, tough lumberjacks canβt have sissy names. So many years ago, as was the tradition in the woods, old Doolittle Dawort Deigh was saddled with a nickname and had become known as simply Do Dah.
One tragic afternoon, old Do Dah was working his trade when a tree happened to fall the wrong way. Poor old Do Dah was squished flatter than a lumberjack flapjack. His coworkers, distraught at the thought of breaking the news of Do Dahβs death to his elderly wife, decided that perhaps if bad news was presented in a somewhat good way, it might soften the blow.
So that afternoon, old Do Dahβs fellow lumberjacks gathered on the stoop of the now widowed Mrs. Deigh and hesitantly knocked on the door. It took a few minutes for the old widow to make it across the room to the door. Finally as the door creaked open, the chorus of lumberjacks launched into a rousing rendition of
βͺ Guess who died in the woods today β« Do Dah, Do Dah. β« Guess who died in the woods today Old Do Dah Deigh. β¬
This is the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, after the story ends. After chopping down the beanstalk, Jack realizes that heβs actually pretty damn good with an axe, and casual vegetative vandalism really struck his fancy, so he began chopping down other trees for a living. He became a traveling woodsman, and he enjoyed many years of his simple life of manual labor.
One day, as he chops wood, he hears screams from a nearby cottage. Hurriedly breaking in (because recall: jack has no problem with entering houses uninvited), he sees a cross dressing lycanthrope attempting to devour a little girl dressed all in red and her little grandmother too. Wielding his trusty axe, Jack murdered yet another fantasy creature, and safely led Little Red all the way back home. Answering the door was a beautiful woman of around his age. After sending Little Red to bed, the two of them talked for hours.
One thing led to another, and a year later they were married with a child on the way. They had a beautiful little boy named Jack Junior who followed in his fatherβs steps to become a woodsman. This was fortunate, because as Junior grew up, Jack was feeling the pain of his previous adventures. An old back injury from jumping from the beanstalk was haunting him, and over time his posture grew more and more hunched. He had a tough time working, but at least Junior was becoming a strapping young man.
One day, Jack and Junior took the long road to the grandmothers place to bring her a meal, just like that fateful trio Red took so many years ago. When they arrived, the grandmother greeted them cheerily, welcoming them in and making conversation. βOh Junior,β she said, βyouβve grown into such a handsome and strong young man. Itβs so kind of you to handle all the work so your poor father, with his bad back and all, doesnβt have to. Why donβt you have a girlfriend yet?β Junior hesitated. βWell Grandma,β he replied. βItβs because... Iβm gayβ. The close-minded, set-in-her-ways grandmaβs expression became stormy. She pulled poor hunched-over Jack into adjacent room, and whispered angrily: βJack, your life is a mess! Your posture is terrible and your son isnβt giving me any grandsons!β Jack replied: βMa, weβre happy, you canβt just-β But she interrupted. βNo excuses!β She snapped. βYou need to straighten your lumbar, Jack!β
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
Him- "I discovered some fungi in the woods!" Me- "What was his name?" Him- "..... Who?" Me- "The fun guy!"
I proceed to laugh while he shakes his head.
We have an employee who's last name is Woods
Boss came to me and goes do you know "Woods has a son named Chip"
While watching golf, some golfer named Chris Wood came on the screen.
Dad: "Hey, any of you guys know his brother, Stiff?"
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