My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
People who go out in public without a mask make me sick.
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...
"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.
There's not just leap years. A leap second is a one-second adjustment that is occasionally applied to Coordinated Universal Time (UTC)! Without it, GPS wouldn't work! Want me to really blow your mind?
My wife yelled, “You got a vasectomy without telling anyone! Are you kidding me?”
At first, I was afraid I was petrified. Kept thinking, I could never live without that post school drop off ride. Bet then I spent so many nights thinking, how you did me wrong.
And I grew strong and I learned a schoolless day is just so long. Go on now, go, walk out the door, please go to school now. 'Cause you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one, who each school day said goodbye? But now I think I'll crumble? And I'll lay down and die? Oh, no, not I, I will survive Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey.
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him “How come there’s no charge?”
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
My friend bet me a subway sandwich that I couldn't walk on a tightrope without falling. He was right.
Soon just got me without this one: "Hey Dad, want to hear a construction joke?"
Give me a second I'm still working on it.
My friend wanted me to go skinny dipping with her in the river the divides Paris. I told her to go without me..
This morning at breakfast... Me: do you want this with honey? Son: No, I want it without honey
Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You ARE the lawyer.
Lawyer: So where's my present?
I told my wife “You can’t spell awesome without me,” she disagreed
I said “Well then, go ahead”
“A-W-E— wait what’s the next letter?”
Dadjokes are without question the best jokes in the world and let me write why in the comment section.
My girlfriend was born without her little toe and the sight of her foot makes me physically ill.
My therapist said I'm lack toes intolerant.
My dad told me this: A Spanish magician went up on stage he said to the crowd I am gonna disappear on the count of 3, Uno, Dos then he disappeared without a trace
I went to the doctor and he cloned me without my permission.
(Question/advice) Subway accidentally gave me the wrong sandwich in the drive thru, how do I go about getting a refund without my receipt?
Any one can take my old batteries from me without paying
I heard my dad’s going to the Bahamas without me...
at least now he’ll get some quality father-and-sun time.
I cannot believe that bacteria would just come into my body without my permission. It makes me sick
Today I came to visit my mom's house, and I saw my son sleeping there. Seems she took him without me knowing.
A friend once fed me donkey meat without telling me. I should have known from the beginning, though; it tasted like ass.
Gave blood today, and I couldn't believe it! They let me go without bandaging my arm!
https://imgur.com/a/aLnE536
My daughter bought some cheese without asking me, I was upset
because she did't take my Parmesan.
As I sat on my chair sipping my cup of tea, my son came out searching for me only to leave the room without seeing me.
As he left I exclaimed, "Man, this InvisibiliTEA is great!"
Yesterday, my son thought he could challenge me to a game of basketball. It goes without saying,
Ya know, America just wouldn’t be the same without me.
Wife ordered me a burger without tomato.
Wife: Did it come plain?
Me: Only when I bit into it.
Everyday since I have started taking geology in college my dad hasn't gone a day without laying this one on me.
You are on your way of becoming a genius about igneous rocks.
My dad makes me laugh without fail
Flash flood warnings
Dad: I'm going to stop by that trail we saw earlier. It was definitely a beaver dam. I have a feeling that entire section of the path will be underwater.
Me: Oh :( you think the the beavers will be alright?
Dad: I don't think they give a dam.
Me: hahaha
My sister asked me if I heard about the guy that was without a pulse for 45 minutes and came back...
After I asked her where he came back from, I told her he must have been dead tired.
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
Her: You got a vasectomy without telling anyone! Are you kidding me?
Wife: You got a vasectomy without telling me. Are you serious??
Me: Yes, I’m not kidding you.
Her: You got a vasectomy without talking to me? Are you serious?
Him: Yes, I’m not kidding you.
Wife: You got a vasectomy without telling me. Are you serious??
Me: Yes, I’m not kidding you.
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