Am I the only one who has to spell out the alphabet to find where a letter is
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AMswag123
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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I am pulling my hair out to think of that R & B singer who opens doors

Alopecia Keys

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Goldygold2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I am terrified of people who urinate quietly.

After all, all psychos have a silent p.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alleyooptojames
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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A little corny, but who am I to judge?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/babydoll_bd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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Am I the only one who feels on edge about this?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/moses10960
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Who am I to disagree?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sweet___christmas
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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I am really grateful to my math teacher in elementary school who taught us how to subtract numbers.

She really encouraged us to make a difference.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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Am I the only one who got a Valentine's day card marked...

Current Resident

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shdchko
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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I was on a date with a woman who said "I am a big country fan."

Me trying to sound intelligent: " Well, China is 3.7 million square miles. "

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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I have four arms three legs and twelve finger who am I

A liar

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pandaboii5565
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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I am donating liver to a Redditor who was in need

Guess you could say

(โ€ขโ€ข) / ( โ€ขโ€ข)>โŒโ–ก-โ–ก / (โŒโ–ก_โ–ก)

OP De-livered

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Not ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^actually

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/live4lifelegit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2016
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Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to dis a brie?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/diggalator
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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Who needs R's anyway, am I wight?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jonnyiscool28
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
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Who am I?

Dad: (while holding his hands like 2 OK signs over his eyes with his eyes peeking through the holes) "who am I???!!....who am I???!!"

Me: "uhhhh, I don't know"

Dad: "it's me, dad!...man, these things DO work!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Me_so_corny_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 23 2016
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Sweet dreams are made of cheese.

Who am I to dis-a-brie?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DoomRulz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...

They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.

"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.

"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the world are you doing that?!"

The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KairuSmairukon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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As a blind comedian, I have been trying to understand my audience.

Ah, who am I kidding?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ryanooooo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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13 of my BEST Jokes

I used to be addicted to soap but ... I am clean now.

I am addicted to brake fluid but ... I can stop anytime.

If you are attacked by a group of clowns ... go for the juggler.

I just moved and IMMEDIATELY after we move in he starts banging on my door every night yelling at me ... coincidentally I just happen to be playing my drums those nights so I could easily tune him out.

I was just diagnosed with colorblindness ... It came right out of the purple.

I failed math so many times at school ... I canโ€™t even count.

Once i threw a boomerang, it never came back, ... Now I live in CONSTANT fear

When life gives you melons ... you might be dyslexic.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline ... She hit the ceiling!

There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count ... and those who can't

They say three out of five people suffer from diarrhea ... so ... does that mean two out of five enjoy it?

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Toydles
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at โ€œThe Cafรฉ,โ€ a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: โ€œParking now, be there in 5.โ€

โ€œDad,โ€ he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, โ€œDadโ€ popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The Cafรฉ.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

โ€œHello, son,โ€ came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. โ€œI canโ€™t believe itโ€™s been so long!โ€

โ€œYeah,โ€ said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. โ€œToo long!โ€

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sullyrr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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In a vote for my favourite film of the Star Wars franchise ...

... โ€˜Soloโ€™ would win Hans down.

(Iโ€™m sure thatโ€™s been done before but itโ€™s new to me. Sorry if thatโ€™s the case! Meanwhile I am trying to come up with a version about who shot first - Han or Greedo - but Solo had one Han up and the other under the table, so not both Hans and not really โ€œdownโ€ either. Shucks)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RedBobRob
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Just horsing around...

Background: we have two horses who have their own paddocks next to each other and are both the same age but not related. My 6 year old daughter was helping me pick the horse poop up in the paddocks today.

My daughter: โ€œdad are our two horses brothers or just best friends?โ€

I said: โ€œthey are not brothers sweet heart and I am not sure they are best friends, but one things for sure - they definitely are neigh-bours.

She laughed, I laughed. It was my proudest dad joke moment ever!! Haha.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Smurfman1900
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Today I learned I will assume my final form and will he becoming a dad in December.

Probably name my kid Luke so I can remind him who I am for the rest of eternity.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/macbeezy_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Grandpa called Dad today...

Dad: "Hello, who's this?" Grandpa: "Your dad." Dad: "That's right, I am!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/koleslaw
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! ๐Ÿ”

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EmElleGee31
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hayeshilton
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but Iโ€™m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, โ€œConstipationโ€? Well it doesnโ€™t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said โ€œNo, doc, itโ€™s dis knee.โ€

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donโ€™t cause reactions, after all.

Whatโ€™s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why canโ€™t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donโ€™t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I canโ€™t stop reading books with female protagonists! Iโ€™m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fightโ€ฆ 21.

My friend told me, โ€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!โ€ So I said, โ€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!โ€

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bondโ€ฆ ionic bond. โ€œTaken, not shared.โ€ What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santaโ€™s sleigh cost? $0, itโ€™s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

Iโ€™m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iโ€™m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatโ€™s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatโ€™s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kinjago
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...

20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ocelot_ocealittle69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Moral of the story: living well is the best revenge

Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well on the outskirts of the town. One morning, a woman went to the well to fetch water for the day. The lady was crying and the well heard this. A voice came from the well and asked โ€œwhatโ€™s wrong?โ€

The lady stopped sobbing and asked the well, in utter disbelief, โ€œyou can talk?โ€

โ€œYesโ€ the well said, โ€œlong ago, the witch living in this town gave life to me so I could protect the towns peopleโ€

โ€œAlasโ€ the woman said, โ€œI am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the town for many years, but the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the townspeople up against her. The town burnt my mom at the stake! I am still young and do not know much magic. I tried to curse the town, but failed, and now I fear I may never avenge my mother.โ€

โ€œDo not be afraidโ€ the well said, โ€œI will take care of this.โ€

The next morning the mayor was going to the well to fetch water when he heard an odd noise. He peered over the edge to look down as far as he could when an impossibly long arm shot up at him. The arm grabbed the mayor and dragged him down into the depths of the well. There was a horrible crunching sound and the mayor was never seen again. The townsfolk apologized to the witchโ€™s daughter and everyone lived happily ever after.

See moral above for the pun...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ManGood2002
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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Everyone always talks about their standard poodle

Am I the only one who drives an automatic?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NeilsErikTheRedd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donโ€™t think theyโ€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donโ€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

โ€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, โ€˜The good news is..itโ€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'โ€

Whatโ€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

โ€œIโ€™ll call you later!โ€- โ€œPlease donโ€™t do that. Iโ€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!โ€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

โ€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: โ€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.โ€™โ€

โ€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, โ€˜No, just leave it in the carton!โ€™โ€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnโ€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iโ€™ve ever read, Iโ€™d say: โ€œWow, thatโ€™s coincidental.โ€

Iโ€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itโ€™s house? Igloos it together.

โ€œMe: โ€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!โ€™ Dad: โ€˜Poof, Youโ€™re a sandwich!โ€™โ€

โ€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

โ€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyโ€™re all girls, otherwise theyโ€™d be uncles.โ€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth โ€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

โ€œWhatโ€™s Forrest Gumpโ€™s password? 1forrest1โ€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: โ€œDonโ€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.โ€ I said: โ€œNo, itโ€™s a math problem.โ€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donโ€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iโ€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really donโ€™t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you donโ€™t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you donโ€™t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, โ€Donโ€™t be a fool, stay in school!โ€

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

โ€˜Punโ€™ puns donโ€™t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

Iโ€™ll do algebra. Iโ€™ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Donโ€™t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you donโ€™t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zmanofdoom95
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I only started liking Fall Out Boy a couple days ago.

I guess that's just who I am this week.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheLegendMRT
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2019
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You're 40, she's 10

Youโ€™re 40, sheโ€™s 10 โ€“ A classic ย Abbott and Costelloย skit, where ย Bud Abbottย tries to play a prank on ย Lou Costello, only for Lou to use his clownish math skills.

Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Youโ€™re 40 years old and youโ€™re in love with this little girl thatโ€™s 10 years old. Youโ€™re four times as old as that girl and you couldnโ€™t marry her, could you?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Not unless I come from the mountains.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): All right- youโ€™re 40 years-old, youโ€™re four times as old as this girl, and you canโ€™t marry her, so you wait five years. By that time the little girlโ€™s 15 and youโ€™re 45. Youโ€™re only three times as old as that little girl. So you wait 15 years and when the girl is 30, youโ€™re at 60. Youโ€™re only twice as old as that little girl.
๐Ÿ“ท****Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Sheโ€™s catching up.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Yes, yes. Now hereโ€™s the question. How long do you have to wait until you and that little girl are the same age?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Now what kinda question is that? Thatโ€™s ridiculous!
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Ridiculous or not, answer the question.
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): If I wait for that girl sheโ€™ll pass me up. Sheโ€™ll wind up older than I am.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): What are you talking about?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Sheโ€™ll have to wait for me!
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Why should she wait for you?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): โ€ฆI was nice enough to wait for her!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tfraymond
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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There was once a priest who went to see the world after taking his oath....

After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.

Many years passed by like that.

At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.

With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was a good man, and even though he thought the request was a bit strange, he went back to the rectory, took out a lemon, cut it in half, took it back to the man and gave it to him, who looked back to the priest with gratitude. However, the priest was curious. He asked:

  • Son, why do you need this half of a lemon? - with a fright on his face, and before the priest could have said a thing, he rushed out of the churchyard gate and took off.

A week later, around the same time, when the priest was leaving the church, he found himself in front of the same man in the churchyard. The man said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was surprised by the appearance of the man and his strange request. Of course he was good, went back to the rectory, and brought the half lemon. Placed it in the strangerโ€™s hand and immediately he asked:

  • Here it is, my dear son, but please tell me why do you need this half a lemon? - the man was obviously frightened and immediately ran away but the priest was not sluggish either and ran after him. He wasnโ€™t in a very good condition, he has never run so much and so fast before so he was out of breath by the end of the village, almost fainted. He thought the strange man might appear again next week, and it would be nice if he could keep up with him, so he spent his week working on his cardio. It turned out to be a good idea, because as he thought, the stranger entered the churchyard on Sunday. The priest didnโ€™t even wait for the request, he was good, and brought the half lemon. He received these words from the man:

  • Thank you

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Doty152
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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My Dad literally just came out with this in the car...

I was explaining the interesting L-glucose thing I saw on Reddit t'other day to my diabetic father.

Dad: oh, so it's Spanish glucose then?

He thought it was great.

Edit: TIL I am a neckbeard-Yorkshireman with a Dad who literally bats for 't'other side' - for anyone still in the dark,"t'other" is contraction of "the other" commonly heard in NE England; it is commonly used elsewhere as a lighthearted/bucolic affectation.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Squibly_Giblets
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Sweet dreams are made of cheese.

Who am I to diss a brie?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Paladin_of_Freedom
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Knock knock joke

Knock Knock

Who's there?

America

America Who?

I just told you. I am Erica.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sloth-for-knowledge
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Knock Knock

: Who is there?

: There is my brother, I am Here.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/repostinatorr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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