Who's Who Scam Puns

That would be a punzi scheme.

A classic  Abbott and Costello routine, from their first movie,  One Night in the Tropics, where  Bud Abbott shows that he’s not above running a quick scam on his friend,  Lou Costello, in order to make a few dollars.

As I'm sure many of you can remember (or not), senior prom was one of the most exciting events of our pre-real world existence. However, in order to get to the actual event, there were three significant steps that needed to be taken care of:

1. Sober up enough before actually getting to the venue
2. Find a date who wasn't even weirder than you were
3. Rent a tuxedo This last part posed quite a bit of a problem to me, mostly because tuxedos can be very expensive to come by. Luckily enough for me, a local formalwear shop had a great deal going on; they would give you massive discounts and even hefty prizes for referring as many of your friends as possible to their business. Eager as I was to save a few bucks, I proceeded to text everyone in my phone's contact list. Almost every one of them neglected to respond to my pitiful pleas of financial assistance, not wanting to get caught up in this scam that I myself had meandered into. Finally, my token black friend, Malik, unwillingly took my bait. He tentatively responded, asking more about what he could get out of the deal for himself. After much persistence on my part, he finally declined, trying his best to let me down gently. As my poor little heart finally broke completely in two, I decided to alleviate the social tension, replying to him, "Alright man, well, suit yourself."

"Did you hear about the insecure nuclear physicist? He was always fission for compliments!"

A few minutes later, obviously having devoted some though to making me groan even more, he walks back in and says: "Did you hear about the other nuclear scientist who got angry whenever he heard about a scam? He suffered from con-fusion".

/facepalm.