Whitney Handicap Puns

Since I haven't had any real interest in the formal buyin capping, that will be suspended.

HOWEVER, the free capping is still going strong.

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League Login - R/HorseracingFREE

Password: shotgunbacon

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Note that this will be the last notice I'll post regarding the competition; I'll be out of town for the next several weeks and will have limited access.

I am ponying up my own $$$ for this year's winner. If you're interesting in helping out, let me know.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

But let me give it a shot.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

He’s the new temp.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

So, let's combine the worlds of Housewives and Wrestling (WWE) for a while and create the most iconic Real Housewives Wrestlemania Match Card.

Rules:

1. Maximum of 12 matches per card
2. Matches can have more than 2 competitors
3. You can use past or present housewives
4. You can add stipulations to matches (streetfight, 2 on 2 tag match, ladder match etc..)
5. Specify which match is the main event

Here's my match card:

1. Kyle vs LVP - ladder match, first to grab the crown hanging on top of the ring wins and leads the franchise moving forward

2. Porsha vs Kenya in a grudge 2 out of 3 falls match

3. Candiace vs Monique with Gizelle as special guest referee

4. Shannon and Gretchen vs Tamra in a 2 on 1 handicap match (gotta help my girl Shannon)

5. Jenn Shah vs Meredith in a steel cage match. First to disengage and exit the cage wins

6. Whitney vs Lisa Barlow vs Mary Cosby in a triple threat match (imagine the shifting alliances in the match ooh chile)

7. Ramona vs Dorinda in a lumberjack match with all previous and current RHONY wives surrounding the ring.

8. Bethenny vs Carole. Besties gone bad.

9. Teresa vs Melissa in an I Quit submission match. Whoever taps out loses and is forced to quit RHONJ

10. Dina vs Caroline with Jacqueline in Caroline's corner in a sister vs sister you're a clown match

11. Margaret vs Danielle in a hair vs hair match

12. Kim Richards and Sutton vs Lisa Rinna and Erika in a tag team match

My main event would probably be Porsha vs Kenya or Teresa vs Melissa for the history of it all. But I'll go with Porsha vs Kenya as my main event.

Winner predictions for each match.

1. Kyle
2. Porsha
3. Monique
4. Shannon and Gretchen
5. Meredith weasels herself out of the cage someway and wins
6. Whitney
7. Ramona due to outside interference by Tinsley
8. Carole due to outside interference by Jill
9. Teresa
10. Dina
11. Margaret (Jennifer and Jackie help)
12. Kim Richards and Sutton after Nicolette Sheridan comes out on the ramp distracting Rinna and costing her the match

Rate my match card and I'd love to read yours!!

P.S. This is for fun only. As you know wrestling is scripted so consider these to be fake fights as well. (just putting this out there cause I'm sure someone will try to spoil the fun and assume that we actually want them to MMA fist fight in the octagon but no that is not the case. This is just about putting together an iconic match card)

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon